Mum's book on life with autistic husband and kids

Jo Gaunt has been working with autistic children in schools for more than 20 years

A mum with ADHD has described what it is like to live in a house where everyone is neurodivergent.

Jo Gaunt, 41, from Bradford, was diagnosed with ADHD in March this year, while her three daughters and her husband Anthony, 42, are all autistic.

She said people can occasionally express a lack of understanding of their situation, particularly if her children are struggling to cope with something.

Mrs Gaunt has written a book full of the advice and described to the BBC what life in her family is like.

Being a neurodivergent parent has its ups and downs, according to Mrs Gaunt.

However, she said things are calmer than they once were.

"Ten years ago, we, as a family, were in chaos," she said.

"Every day was pitted with meltdowns and crisis from the children and me and Anthony didn't know how to support each other's needs."

Two of her children are 11 and 13, while her eldest daughter is 21.

They are all autistic and need each day to be predictable and similar to the one before.

"Having ADHD, as much as I have structure and routines, I can manage very well when they get changed around," Mrs Gaunt said.

"My husband needs quite a strict structure and routines, so we need to balance his needs with the children's needs."

'Fabulous dad'

Mrs Gaunt's husband has his own challenges with pathological demand avoidance, meaning he will naturally resist instructions.

According to the National Autistic Society, "the overwhelming anxiety of realising that a demand cannot be avoided, or that these forms of resistance have been exhausted, may result in meltdown or panic".

Mrs Gaunt said: "He finds it more of a challenge to meet the children's needs.

"He's naturally not an empathetic person, so he needs me to explain why the children need what they need.

"He's a fabulous dad, but he just needs things doing differently to what I do."

Challenges are also met outside of the Gaunt family, particularly on days out.

"Other people's level of understanding is one of the hardest things to deal with, when you're getting comments when you're stood in line for the ice cream truck and your child isn't managing very well," she said.

Mrs Gaunt cited a recent example of this, when she was standing in line at a Starbucks, when one of her daughters was excited for her favourite dragon fruit flavoured drink.

"When we got to the checkout she was told that the drink wasn't available.

"She just thought, why wouldn't you tell me?

"In her mind there is all this technology and screens that they should have let her know."

Mrs Gaunt said her daughter had spent her time thinking about the drink and her mind did not have time to process being unable to have it.

Jo and Anthony Gaunt have raised three autistic children

It is the "unpredictability" of the outside world that the Gaunts have to manage to keep life calm.

"Life in a neurodivergent household is never easy," Mrs Gaunt added - but said they do what they can to prepare their children for the outside world.

She added that she is often the person who carries the load, but always ensures she looks after herself too.

"Self care as we call it," Mrs Gaunt said.

"I make sure I have a brew on each day and walk the dogs.

"I have a big support network too."

'Chaos'

Mrs Gaunt said she wishes she had a book full of her advice when her children were first diagnosed.

"We ask for help because our home feels like chaos", she said.

"This book is designed to help you move from that chaos to calm."

Her self-published book, Your Safe Space, will be available on 13 August.

Heidi Mavir, who wrote The Sunday Times bestseller Your Child Is Not Broken, said Mrs Gaunt's book was "a chance to take a look at some of the chaos in your neurodivergent house, see it in a new light, and take steps to transform your home into a place where you and your autistic children can thrive".

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