Women share stories at 'menopausal tea party'

The sessions combine food, crafts, and first-hand advice from GPs

The occasion is a Mad Hatter's Menopausal Tea Party, and Anita Clarke is building tension as she recounts her tale of searching for her mobile phone.

"I couldn't find it, got in a mad panic," she tells the other women around the table. "So I thought I'll just go and get myself a drink."

Then she delivers the punchline: "Found it. Nicely chilled phone in the fridge."

There are nods of recognition rippling around the table in the clubhouse at Bolton's Bench in Lyndhust, Hampshire.

But this is not a group whose friendships were forged over decades. Many of the women gathered around have met for the very first time this evening.

These sessions typically combine nutritious food, craft activities, and first-hand advice from GP menopausal specialists.

With more than 300 possible symptoms, the experts offer a wealth of information to each individual.

Rissa Love is the mastermind behind the event.

"The story of Alice in Wonderland, one of the major themes throughout is transformation," she says.

"Obviously women, we transform throughout our lives, but particularly during the menopause."

GP Mari Walling says: "Women normally put up really well with hot flushes and night sweats. They'll never come and see you just for that.

"It's more psychological, so their brain doesn't work, they're anxious, they're low in mood, they're really irritable at home, so they can be full of rage or really tearful.... anything and everything can change."

The tea party took place at the clubhouse at Bolton's Bench in Lyndhust

Across the chequered table cloths, the guests exchange symptoms.

"I had night sweats," Anita admits. "They've been the worst, where literally you wake up feeling like you've had a bucket of water chucked over you."

Natalie Taylor-Bannister adds: "I had things like dry eyes... I've always worn contact lenses and I couldn't wear them any longer."

Claire Godson opens up too: "I've got restless legs, sleeplessness, and I'm exhausted the next day. You just feel so alone."

Angie Dawes says: "There's a lot of brain fog. My family's just used to it now, they go 'mum's having a moment'."

Rissa hopes the sessions will help women shake the feeling of being alone.

"It's a chance to listen to each other, empathise with each other," she says warmly.

Suzi Shilling says: "Having that shared conversation makes you not feel so mad, makes you feel like 'I can share'. You feel in a really safe environment."

Angie nods in agreement: "You're heard here. You're heard and you're understood."

'Fantastic opportunity'

The project is hosting tea parties at different venues around the New Forest, having received funding from Arts Council England.

NobuLali Dangazele, a community arts producer for Culture in Common, which is supporting the scheme, says the creative tasks during discussions are proving beneficial.

"Because they are creating, the mind can relax, and then socially you start asking questions that usually there'd be barriers towards," she explains.

"It's amazing to come to these sessions," says Jacqui Ibbotson, the programme director for Culture in Common.

"The specialist menopause GPs would cost upwards of £300 for a consultation session with them.

"So that is a fantastic opportunity to be able to give your questions to people who can answer them like that."

While the tea parties play on the chaos of Lewis Carroll's storytelling, the intention is quite the opposite - a longing to leave women with a better understanding and sense of clarity about menopause and perimenopause.

"Once you start talking about it you realise everybody else is in the same situation," says Rissa. "And how reassuring is that?"