'Grief is not like you read about in textbooks'

Dr Tom Pelly's brother Matt (right) died in a "tragic accident"

A Bristol GP has written a book for charity about his experiences of grief after his brother died in a "tragic accident".

Dr Tom Pelly says "there's no rule book on saying 'this is how it's going to be for you', there are a million things that go through your brain at a million miles an hour in a traumatic tumble dryer of emotions".

The GP wrote Precipitous Life: A True Story of Sudden Grief after the sudden death of his brother, Matt, in an accident six years ago. All proceeds will go to Wiltshire and Bath Air Ambulance Charity, which took Matt to hospital.

"I had to make sure I came out of this with some positivity because it was an incredibly difficult thing to go through," Dr Pelly said.

The GP from Redland was already aware of the different stages of grief, having dealt with them as part of his work.

But when he experienced them personally, Dr Pelly said he realised that the stages were not linear "like you read about in the textbook" and the process is unique to each individual.

Dr Pelly said he had learned "so many things" about bereavement since his brother's death

"I hadn't been through anything like it before," he said.

"It hit me and it was really difficult. I am in a big family and it's great when you want to play football – it's no good when you're turning for somebody to support you in your bleakest moments of grief."

But in the two years following Matt's death, Dr Pelly said he felt he had learned "so many things" about bereavement.

He also realised it was not spoken about enough.

"One death causes so many people to grieve. We all talk to people on a daily basis who are going through it, but we're so bad at talking about it."

Dr Tom Pelly (right) has written a book about his experience with grief

Dr Pelly's book is not a "grief handbook", but a "reflection" on how he felt in the early stages, he says.

"Grief is so different for every single person.

"The book is trying to highlight these things, but it's also a love story to my brother.

"I wanted to make something powerful and honest as a lovely reflection of who he was and make that memory really powerful.

He added: "Life must go on and you've got to come out of it having learned something from it."