Singer 'couldn't leave the house to perform'

Catherine Lawless suffered from panic attacks when she left the house but said her singing helped by giving her "purpose"

A singer who has lived with agoraphobia for more than 20 years has appeared in a film to prove she "still had some fight left".

Catherine Lawless, from Hertfordshire, said she became afraid to leave her house due to the anxiety disorder.

She likened agoraphobia to "an evil twin sister who is hell-bent on sabotaging anything I do".

Ms Lawless's story is the subject of a film made by BBC journalist Kady Braine, and will be screened at the two-day wellbeing festival, Headfest, in Bedford.

The NHS defines agoraphobia as an anxiety disorder with a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult, or help wouldn’t be available if things go wrong.

A film about a singer with agoraphobia is one of the free screenings on offer at Headfest

Ms Lawless, 56, said her agoraphobia stemmed back to a childhood event that was never properly addressed.

She said it was not until the pandemic that other people began to understand how it felt to be locked in and trapped.

At her lowest point, she said she felt like she was "in a lift which is plummeting and totally out of control".

"The fear meant I would lose control of myself and sometimes even my bladder, which was particularly embarrassing," she explained.

"The panic attacks are hard to describe unless you’ve experienced them."

The film "My Life in Lockdown: Living with Agoraphobia" gives an insight into a condition which is often misunderstood.

One of the reasons Ms Lawless decided to be filmed was to prove to herself that she still had "some fight left in her and that it wasn’t all for nothing".

Journalist Ms Braine said: "Catherine’s story intrigued me, as someone who has suffered a panic attack myself, I couldn’t imagine living with them every day."

Part of her recovery is leaving the house every day, even if only for a short time, to build up evidence that things won’t go wrong if she goes outside.

• Headfest, in association with BBC Three Counties and Impakt, is running in Bedford on Monday 21 and Tuesday 22 October.