'There's no predicting when grief will floor you'

Judy Reith (left) and Helen Judson (right) were introduced by a mutual friend six months after Ms Judson's husband died

"The slippery thing about grief is there's no predicting it," says Judy Reith, whose husband Adrian died aged 66 in 2021.

"You've no idea when something someone says, or you hear a piece of music, or a memory pops in - and it completely floors you."

She set up a support group for widows in and around Cambridge with Helen Judson, after a mutual friend introduced them shortly after their husbands died of cancer.

"It's a bunch of middle aged women talking about everything from the agony of grief to what to do about our wedding rings, his clothes or money," she said.

They set up a group for widows in the Cambridge area to meet once a month, as well as organising social events

A great deal of bereavement help is online only, but the pair felt "there was a real value in bringing women together", said Ms Judson, whose husband died in 2020.

"David ended up dying two weeks after my 50th birthday, and although I had family and friends around, I felt completely alone," she said.

The group organises monthly meet-ups for support and friendship, as well as social activities which are open to women or men who have been widowed.

Most of its members are aged between 45 and 65 and did not expect to be widowed at their age.

Some work, some are mothers, some not - and one recently remarried.

Leonie Hyde said she feels "enriched when someone listens to my story and I can tell them how important Nick is to me"

Nicola Lofthouse's husband died 11 months after he was diagnosed with lung cancer.

"How do I make a decision on where to live or where to move or changing jobs - all the types of questions that you had somebody at home that you could ask questions of," she told the BBC at one of the monthly meet-ups.

"Mark was an amazing man, we lived in Switzerland and then we lived in Denmark... there's a bit of me proud of being a widow because I was married to Mark and I loved him very much and that's part of my story."

Leonie Hyde agreed, saying: "I know how enriched I feel when someone listens to my story and I can tell them how important Nick is to me.

"Almost all of us have never met our partners and yet I feel as if I know some of these people."

Ms Reith said: "That sense of somebody hugging you who understands what you're going through is priceless.

"There was a night where we all got up and danced in the style of our dead husband, that was a good night, so yes, there's black humour there for sure.

"But the phrase that comes back time and time again is, 'we get it, we get it'."

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