Parents push for more baby loss support in police

A memorial bench was unveiled at Cambridgeshire Police headquarters during Baby Loss Awareness Week

Two police officers who have experienced baby loss said they were determined to help others in the force in the same position feel less alone.

PC Laura Coomber and her husband, Matt, who both serve in Cambridgeshire Police, experienced miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and the emotional toll of a pregnancy after loss.

They wanted to use their lived experiences to advocate for better support on what they felt was often perceived as a "taboo topic" and were compiling resources to share with the force.

Chief Constable Simon Megicks, from Cambridgeshire Police, said: "We are proud to have support networks available to all officers and staff to help them through difficult periods in their lives."

When the couple first found out they were expecting in 2020 they were "over the moon", Laura said, but three weeks later they had a miscarriage.

During the pandemic, she experienced a traumatic ectopic pregnancy which led to emergency surgery and later a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Their third pregnancy also ended in loss, by which time "we both just looked at each other and said, well, that's what happens", Laura said.

The couple told the BBC there was some support at their workplace, but she felt that often people feared what to say or even avoided them.

Laura said she found some comfort in a podcast, The Worst Girl Gang Ever, but wanted to ensure no-one else felt like they were "alone or couldn't speak about this".

Inclusive support

Matt added that he wanted to ensure men were not overlooked in conversations about baby loss, as it was important to recognise that kind of grief and loss when in a "high-pressure job like policing".

"Not once was I asked, how am I? It was always, how was Laura?" he said.

"If we're that first kind of stepping stone for being able to have that ear to listen to people… that for me is what I want," he added.

He continued: "I think men in general want to be fixers, especially police officers, that's why we join the job.

"We want to care, we want to save, and when that doesn't happen in your own personal life, I think it can really shake people."

During the service for Baby Loss Awareness Week, the names of babies lost by officers and staff were read aloud

In 2022 Laura became pregnant again and was prescribed progesterone.

She gave birth to their daughter in 2023, but she said the couple spent the pregnancy "terrified".

"I couldn't go to the toilet at work in case that was when I found out I'd miscarried again," she said.

She wanted to ensure staff in the force had someone with lived experienced of baby loss that they could be open and honest with.

To mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, which ran from 9-15 October, a memorial bench was installed at the Cambridgeshire Police headquarters in Huntingdon and a service took place.

"Initially they said they were getting a bench… I said, what use is a bench?" Laura admitted.

"But then I took a moment, and I thought it's the symbol that there are people here who are willing to put time into this," she added.

Mr Megicks added: "Baby loss is an incredibly tragic event that will affect more colleagues than people realise, and requires the right level of awareness and empathy. "

• Details of help and support with pregnancy-related issues in the UK are available at BBC Action Line.