'Abandoned' adoptive parents call for more support

Zobia Kalim adopted her daughter Mariam 16 years ago, but said afterwards she felt "abandoned"

There have been calls for more post-adoption support for parents in Berkshire.

Zobia Kalim adopted her daughter 16 years ago, but said afterwards she was left feeling "abandoned".

This led her to working with Berkshire-based charity Parenting Special Children to provide support for other adoptive parents.

Regional adoption agency Adopt Thames Valley said it encouraged parents having difficulties to contact it, so it could improve the help it provides.

"Families often tells us we are plugging the gap in the statutory services," Ms Kalim said.

Ms Kalim said issues with her daughter Mariam, who is now 18, surfaced in her teenage years

Zoe, also from Berkshire, said she adopted her daughter five years ago, when she was two-and-a-half years old.

"The assistance faded away almost instantaneously as soon as we signed on the dotted line," she said.

Zoe said she did not notice the lack of support at first, but when her daughter started struggling in pre-school she was left desperate for help.

She said: "None of our friends [...] and pre-school parents have adopted so we were really feeling isolated when it came to some of her needs."

Ms Kalim's adoption group, which she found by accident, had "filled in a lot of the gaps" and "been such a relief", she added.

"Families often tells us we are plugging the gap," Ms Kalim said

Ms Kalim said issues with her daughter Mariam, who is now 18, surfaced in her teenage years.

"For the last five to six years we have had severe challenges in our adoption, which could have been prevented with support," she said

"If somebody offered us support then we would have taken it and I don't think things would have been as bad as they have been over the last few years."

Another parent, Rani, who did not wish to use her real name, said she had the same experience.

She adopted her child in 2016, and said once the placement had become official she was "sort of left to get on with it".

"There is no interaction once the child is done and dusted and the child is legally yours - I think there should be a yearly promoter check to see how things are going," she said.

Adoption UK found that more families were reaching crisis point than ever before due to the lack of support.

Alison Woodhead from the charity said it was a "post code lottery" where some parts of the country provide "excellent support" whereas others fall short.

"Support shouldn't happen by accident," she said. "That is a statutory requirement that adoption agencies provide.

"It is very basic stuff - connection with other adopters, that's the minimum that should be provided."

Alison Woodhead says that post adoption support is normally needed later in life.

An Adopt Thames Valley spokesperson said that "after adopting a child many families want to be able to live their daily lives free from intervention or scrutiny of professionals".

But they said parents and children were offered a range of support, including monthly support groups for parents, groups for children, and a rolling programme of training and workshops for parents.

They said: "Contacting all families on a bi-weekly or even monthly basis is not something that would be wanted by all adoptive families."

Adoptive support could also be accessed by parents through a helpdesk, the spokesperson added.