Church memorial plaque rule 'delaying' woman's grief

Carol Vaughan wants her mother's inscription to follow the format of her father's

A woman says she has been "delayed" in grieving for her mother after changes to churchyard rules meant she could not have a simple inscription on a memorial plaque.

Carol Vaughan, 59, said she wanted a memorial plaque for her mum in the churchyard of the Church of St Mary in Blidworth, Nottinghamshire, which mirrored her late father's and said she was a "loving wife and mother".

Dr Vaughan said she was then told new rules had been issued to maintain "uniformity and consistency" in the churchyard, which prevented the plaque she wanted for her mother.

The Diocese of Southwell and Nottingham said it sympathised but a number of rules had been tightened to help maintain the area.

Dr Vaughan was arranging to have her mother Agnes Vaughan (left) interred next to her late father, Terrence Vaughan

Dr Vaughan's mother Agnes died in October last year and she said she was told her choice of inscription was not allowed while she was making arrangements for the interment of her mother's ashes in the rose garden of the Church of St Mary.

"[My mum] was exactly that - a loving wife and mum," Dr Vaughan said.

"She was a lovely person, she got on with everybody. She was very well-known in the village."

'Astounded and hurt'

Dr Vaughan said she did ask why her dad's plaque inscription was allowed after he died in 2001 and was told previous vicars "hadn't followed the guidelines".

She added she had also hoped to "refresh" her dad's resting place with a new plaque, but said she was told she would no longer be able to have the same, original inscription due to the rule change.

"I was just astounded and very hurt," she said.

"I can't strip him of his identity and they're not allowing me to honour my mum's identity."

Dr Vaughan said she felt like she was given a message that "the dead don't matter"

Dr Vaughan said she was told she could choose from five set phrases for the plaque inscription, including "together again".

She added while she understood the church wanted consistency, she did not believe it should extend to the wording of personal inscriptions.

"I find it very, very upsetting," she said.

"I found it offensive because the message I got loud and clear from the church is that the dead don't matter and neither do the living."

She added her family were "dumbstruck" by the ruling.

Dr Vaughan said she was told she could apply for a different inscription for the plaque, but it would cost her £338, with no guarantee it would be accepted.

She added: "If I go ahead with just a plaque with just my mum's name, her date of birth and date of dead, you'll just think - who is this then?"

A spokesman for the Diocese of Southwell and Nottingham said: "Some recent rule changes have affected the wording now permitted on plaques in Blidworth churchyard, and this has affected the memorial Dr Vaughan wishes to lay for her mother.

"There is an appeals process if the permitted wording is not satisfactory to the relatives of the deceased.

"We recognise the deep sadness this has caused for Dr Vaughan and we want to express our sympathy at this time."