BBC Homepage
  • Skip to content
  • Accessibility Help
  • Your account
  • Notifications
  • Home
  • News
  • Sport
  • Weather
  • iPlayer
  • Sounds
  • Bitesize
  • CBBC
  • CBeebies
  • Food
  • More menu
More menu
Search BBC
  • Home
  • News
  • Sport
  • Weather
  • iPlayer
  • Sounds
  • Bitesize
  • CBBC
  • CBeebies
  • Food
Close menu
BBC News
Menu
  • Home
  • InDepth
  • Israel-Gaza war
  • War in Ukraine
  • Climate
  • UK
  • World
  • Business
  • Politics
  • Culture
More
  • Tech
  • Science
  • Health
  • Family & Education
  • In Pictures
  • Newsbeat
  • BBC Verify
  • Disability
  • Trending

Fighting the curse of the blessers

  • Published
    21 May 2016
Share page
About sharing
tweeted photo of young female graduateImage source, Twitter/Nkamogeleng
Image caption,

A graduate tweeted this photo to show what young women could achieve without a blesser

By BBC Trending
What's popular and why

You may have heard of the hashtag #blessed, it's often seen on Instagram next to beautiful pictures of family, travel and shopping; used to show how lucky people think their lives are. But the phrase has recently taken on a very different meaning in South Africa.

After some women posted photos of gifts from partners claiming they were "blessed" people started asking who was "blessing" them. Soon "blesser" became a term for someone who gives money and gifts as part of a relationship - the sort of person traditionally referred to as a sugar daddy.

Money left by a blesserImage source, Twitter/@Thularz_
Image caption,

This meme shows the sort of gift a blesser might leave for one of his blessees

Tweet of different blesser levelsImage source, Twitter/@LeeRatoTwin
Image caption,

This cartoon shows how a blesser is judged by the cash that he flashes

Blesser has been so widely used on social media over the last month that a new joke has taken off "when a girl sneezes these days you can't even say 'bless you' in case she gets the wrong idea."

However, as the phrase has taken off, it has also kick-started a brand new debate about this age old practice. The hashtag #antiblessers trended this week on South African twitter as thousands of people began to criticise blessers and blessees. Some users posted comments like "real men don't buy girls" while a graduate called Nkamogeleng posted a photo of her degree ceremony saying "When young women are busy searching for blessers we out here (graduating)".

While a blesser can technically be male or female and of any age, many of those using #antiblessers were most concerned about older men lavishing gifts on young girls. One South African vlogger posted a YouTube video titled "Blessers are ruining our world", external in which she expressed concerns about hearing 13-year-old girls discussing blessers on their way home from school.

This issue is so serious that when the South African health minister Aaron Motsoaledi announced a major new anti-HIV campaign last week, he specifically included some economic measures aimed at helping girls between 15 and 24, which he hopes will help tackle the effects of blessers. Mr Motsoaledi told BBC Trending that as young women in that age-group have far higher rates of HIV infection than their young male counterparts it indicates intergenerational sex must form one part of the problem.

Mr Motsoaledi also suggested that young women from poorer backgrounds were more at risk of being targeted and exploited by blessers, particularly those who had lost parents as a result of HIV and AIDS. "Apart from the issue of who takes care of you… it's just the issue of who mentors you, who speaks to you every day?" he said.

While many are trying to halt the practise of blessing, under the right circumstances it does have supporters. Blesserfinder is a group that helps to arrange meetings between those happy to offer money with those looking to be blessed. Their spokesperson Ditshego says he's seen some of those using #antiblessers also using his site to find a partner. He thinks money will always be a factor in relationships, and until the government try and tackle the levels of poverty and inequality in the country there will always be a demand for his service.

Blog by Kate Lamble, external

Next story: Is this picture disgusting or beautiful?

Thomas in the shower with his son FoxImage source, Heather Whitten

This picture of father holding his sick son has fiercely divided opinion on social media. READ MORE

You can follow BBC Trending on Twitter @BBCtrending, external, and find us on Facebook, external. All our stories are at bbc.com/trending.

Top stories

  • Government wins welfare bill vote after big concessions to rebels

    • Published
      2 hours ago
  • Who are the welfare bill rebels? Find out how your MP voted

    • Published
      4 hours ago
  • Israel has agreed to conditions for 60-day Gaza ceasefire, Trump says

    • Published
      13 minutes ago

More to explore

  • Who are the welfare bill rebels? Find out how your MP voted

    The silhouettes of two people standing in front of the Houses of Parliament
  • 'Starmer guts welfare reform' and 'Buggy useless'

    A composite image of the front pages of the Financial Times and The Sun. The headline on the front page of the FT reads "Starmer guts welfare reform to avoid defeat in Commons" and the headline on the front page of The Sun reads "buggy useless".
  • Will there be a drought where I live?

    Exposed reservoir bed, where grass is beginning to grow. There is only a narrow stream of water. In the background are green trees on either side, and a part blue, part cloudy sky.
  • Will Dalai Lama reveal succession plan as he turns 90?

    Tibetan spiritual leader the Dalai Lama (C) attends a Long Life Prayer offering ceremony at the Main Tibetan Temple in McLeod Ganj, near Dharamsala on June 30, 2025.
  • Meet the only English manager at the Euros

    • Attribution
      Sport
    Gemma Grainger portrait
  • What do the Royals spend their money on?

    Daniela Relph and the Royal train
  • Police reflect on Sarah Payne's murder 25 years on

    An eight-year-old girl with blonde hair, dark brown eyes and wearing a red jumper.
  • How many people cross the Channel in small boats?

    A group of about a dozen people wearing life jackets who are thought to be migrants in the sea off the beach at Gravelines, France. They are waiting to board a black and white motorboat in an attempt to reach the UK by crossing the English Channel. Eight or nine people are already on the boat, some wearing life jackets and almost all wearing face masks.
  • Politics Essential: Get the latest news and analysis delivered to your inbox every weekday

    Politics Essential graphic
loading elsewhere stories

Most read

  1. 1

    Government wins welfare bill vote after big concessions to rebels

  2. 2

    'Starmer guts welfare reform' and 'Buggy useless'

  3. 3

    UK sees hottest day of 2025 as heatwave peaks

  4. 4

    Who are the welfare bill rebels? Find out how your MP voted

  5. 5

    Israel has agreed to conditions for 60-day Gaza ceasefire, Trump says

  6. 6

    Will there be a drought where I live?

  7. 7

    Three ex-bosses of Lucy Letby arrested on suspicion of gross negligence manslaughter

  8. 8

    TSB name could disappear from UK in Santander deal

  9. 9

    Family pay tribute to girl killed by falling tree

  10. 10

    Millions of websites to get 'game-changing' AI bot blocker

BBC News Services

  • On your mobile
  • On smart speakers
  • Get news alerts
  • Contact BBC News

Best of the BBC

  • The 1975's unmissable Pyramid Stage set

    • Attribution
      iPlayer
    1975 Glastonbury
  • The making of Severance's title music

    • Attribution
      Sounds
  • Timeless hits from a 90s icon

    • Attribution
      iPlayer
  • How to avoid boredom

    • Attribution
      Sounds
  • Home
  • News
  • Sport
  • Weather
  • iPlayer
  • Sounds
  • Bitesize
  • CBBC
  • CBeebies
  • Food
  • Terms of Use
  • About the BBC
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookies
  • Accessibility Help
  • Parental Guidance
  • Contact the BBC
  • Make an editorial complaint
  • BBC emails for you

Copyright © 2025 BBC. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read about our approach to external linking.