Transcript: 'Remember when we were stockpiling toilet roll'

This is a full transcript of 'Remember when we were stockpiling toilet roll' as broadcast on 21 September 2010 as part of the Isolation Diary series. Presented by Amy Elizabeth

AMY -Hello, and welcome to a very special episode of Isolation Diaries. No, it's not Kate with you today, it's Amy Elizabeth. I'm the producer of this podcast, so you may recognise my name as Kate would often ask you to send any emails or advice you had to me, and we really did receive some lovely messages, so thank you all so, so much. For those of you not too familiar with Isolation Diaries, it was a weekly series where Ouch presenter, Kate Monaghan, would record her thoughts and activities through the week. And I mean, we heard everything. That recording equipment didn't leave Kate's side, from the big moments like the first DIY haircut, right through to having a little cry in the bathroom.

Kate has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and endometriosis and has been isolating with her wife, Holly, who is a kidney transplant recipient, and their three year old daughter, Scout, who is probably the most adorable kid I've ever heard. So, where's Kate been? Well, I have some really lovely news. Scout is now a big sister. Kate and Holly have adopted a 12 month old baby girl. They met their new daughter at an adoption activity day just before lockdown. That's where potential parents have the opportunity to meet a range of children waiting to be adopted. Kate said it was love at first sight, and they've never, ever been happier.

So, I thought it would be really nice just to have a final episode to say a massive thank you really to Kate and Holly for being so open and honest, but also a massive thank you to you, the listeners, for sharing this lockdown journey with us. So, I'm going to sound a little bit like 'Big Brother's' Davina McCall now, but Kate, here are your best bits.

[Jingle: Ouch]

AMY -Let's go way back to March where there were rumours that those in the high risk category would need to shield for 12 weeks. As Holly's had a transplant she has a hugely compromised immune system and so fell within the must strictly shield category. Remember those first few days of lockdown when everyone was in a sense of panic and confusion? But also, boredom?

[Music]

KATE -It's pretty hard already. We're on day three of…

HOLLY -Week one.

KATE -Yeah. Week one, day three of isolation. It's already been quite tough. I mean, I think we both swing between one of us taking it more seriously than the other, depending on what mood we're in, because sometimes I'm more worried and sometimes you're more worried about yourself and stuff.

HOLLY -Yeah, I'm not so worried about myself getting it though, because I'm literally not leaving the house, apart from to maybe, you know, walk up the road. Scout and I delivered some muffins to our neighbours, who are stuck in, this afternoon, but we put one on the doorstep and then basically legged it. So I'm not worried about getting it, I'm worried about going stir crazy over 12 weeks with a three and a half year old.

KATE -We do have a daughter. She is the light of our lives, isn't she?

HOLLY -Yeah, she's great.

KATE -Her name's Scout and she's three and a half years old. The half is very important.

HOLLY -Who is used to having pre-school three full days a week. And so far in three days I think, I mean I've baked with her, like three times. We've done fashion shows, we've done craft, we've done cards for friends, we've done 'Frozen 2' three times? So…

KATE -Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of ideas going around, but also I feel like we've used up a lot of ideas already. Our cat's just walked in. Are you worried about the cats?

HOLLY -No. Why would I be worried about the cats?

KATE -I don't know. Can cats catch Corona?

HOLLY -I don't think so.

KATE -Have you checked that out?

HOLLY -Yeah, but dogs can't, so I don't think cats can.

KATE -But could cats bring it into the house? Because they're outdoor cats. We've got four by the way. We've got four cats.

HOLLY -I'm pretty sure two of them go on regular excursions to other people's houses. Sometimes Milo comes in smelling of perfume. Yes, you do. And Tiger, I think he probably has another home. So…

KATE -Oh, don't say that. So are we going to have to quarantine the flipping cats? What are we going to do?

HOLLY -No, no, we can't do that.

[Music]

AMY -Well BBC News even ended up covering the worry that cats could be carriers a few weeks later. So Kate got in there first. But I can confirm that the cats are still happy and healthy and kings of the Monaghan household. And food. Remember in April when supermarket shelves were empty and everyone was stockpiling toilet roll? If you were shielding, not only could you not go to the supermarket but delivery slots were like gold dust. Kate was very anxious that her first food delivery was super late, but equally mortified at the realisation that if someone does the food shop on your behalf then surely they're going to realise how awful your food habits actually are.

[Music]

KATE -We realise, like, we eat a lot of chocolate. Like, Holly and I go through bags of chocolate a day, and I know it's awful but we do, and we were, like, if we get stuck inside and other people are going to be getting stuff for us we literally can't every day be like, "Can you get us some more chocolate? Can you get us some more chocolate?" because it's going to be really embarrassing, and I think that time is going to come. But yeah, so we were worried that we were going to be a bit late, but thankfully the delivery driver did arrive, but when it arrived I got a bit of a telling off.

[Vehicle engine]

KATE - Hello.

DRIVER -You all right?

KATE -Yeah, so we're isolated.

DRIVER - You should have put it on your order.

KATE -Okay.

DRIVER -You should have let us know.

KATE -Okay. Why?

DRIVER - Why? Because it puts us at risk.

KATE -We're not isolated because we've got symptoms, we're isolated because we've got a vulnerable person living in the house, so it's different.

DRIVER -Okey-dokey.

KATE - So what you could do, if you could take it round the back that's where our kitchen is and then I can just lift everything in. Okay? Thanks.

DRIVER -Okey-dokey.

[Rustling sounds]

KATE - But I guess to be honest I was impressed by his diligence, and it is the right thing to do and yes, if it was the fact that we had someone ill then it would have been rubbish for him to have been knocking on the door of a house that could have made him ill. But being, like, misunderstood when you've got a disability is just something that I… It happens to me all the time and you kind of get used to it but in the back of your mind you also don't, and it just brings it all back up and it's like, please just get it. Like I understand it from your point of view but, you know, it's just really hard isn't it?

[Music]

AMY -The beginning of COVID felt almost unreal, it was like a sci-fi film, but very quickly a real sense of panic started to take place as the Government reached out to certain individuals by letter or text.

[Music]

KATE -Right, Holly's just texted me. She's upstairs, I'm downstairs, and she just said she's got THE text. [Scout splashing in bath] She's just with my daughter, well our daughter, in the bath, so I'm just going to ask her what the text says. Hey?

HOLLY -Hey.

SCOUT - I want more water in.

KATE -You've got loads of water in the bath.

SCOUT - I want to mix it in.

HOLLY -It's not worth it right now. [Laughs]

KATE - All right, you mix it in. [Water runs] Okay, that's enough now. Okay, so tell me what the text says?

HOLLY -It says, "We have identified that you're someone at risk of severe illness if you catch Coronavirus. Please remain at home for a minimum of 12 weeks. Home is the safest place for you. Staying in helps you stay well and it'll help the NHS too. You can open a window but do not leave your home, and stay three steps away from others indoors. Wash your hands more often, for at least 20 seconds." And then it's got a link to other things. "What do we mean by extremely vulnerable? Number one: Organ transplant recipients." Yeah, it's quite weird.

KATE -How do you feel?

HOLLY -I feel a bit down about it to be honest, because when I'm in the bubble of my house, you know, if it's quite a nice day, being out in the garden, looking after Scout, that kind of thing and, you know, I've been feeling good and then suddenly you get this text that reminds you that, you know, you're in pretty much the…

KATE -I think we should be careful because Scout's here. Like, she can pick up on this, so…

HOLLY -I'll tell you later then.

KATE -Because she will listen to all of this won't she?

HOLLY -Yeah. Then maybe we should record it later, don't you think?

KATE -Like we can talk a little bit about it.

HOLLY -Well I can't talk very candidly then.

KATE -No, I know. I know.

HOLLY -But obviously, you know, you read it and you remember that you're very, very vulnerable and it literally could, you know, kill you and that's… Yeah, that's pretty scary 'cos…

KATE -Are we supposed to be staying away right now? Because I'm sort of leaning into you.

HOLLY -Yeah, we should be three metres… According to this text you should be three metres away.

KATE -Did it say three metres or three feet?

HOLLY -Oh, three steps.

KATE -Okay, three steps.

HOLLY -But still…

KATE -How are you going to keep Scout three steps away from you?

HOLLY -What, without breaking her heart?

KATE -Yeah. Going out, like doing anything, so that we can stay close to you isn't it?

HOLLY -Yeah. It said you can open a window, and that kind of infers that you shouldn't be in your garden.

KATE -You're not allowed…? Surely you can be in the garden. Surely.

HOLLY -I don't know.

[Music]

AMY -Well, although the guidelines did change constantly Holly decided not to stay three steps away from her family, but they were strict about not allowing anyone inside their home.

[Music]

KATE -I've just realised I have to cancel our cleaner and I use some of my benefit money to pay for a cleaner because I can't physically do it. And that is going to be a huge problem. Holly can do a bit but because of her renal failure she gets exhausted really quickly so that's going to be a struggle and that's going to really… Actually that is going to be a real problem. And then also it means that the person that comes in to help me out with a few bits like workwise and physically, sort of like a personal assistant, she can't come either, she's not going to come out, and I was just like, "Oh yeah, don't come this week," and then didn't really think about it, and now I've realised, hold on, how are we going to do this? How are we going to manage?

Oh my God, my head is pounding from the stress of thinking about this. But I know I'm really lucky in terms of I've got some friends who have got 24 hour PAs or carers that come in and out, and they are going to be self-isolating and I have no idea how they're managing to do that. Oh, this is all getting a bit miserable isn't it? I need to go and stroke one of my cats to make myself happy. I think that's the only answer to this.

[Music]

AMY -With no cleaner Kate decided to be proactive and bought a cordless robot hoover, and just a warning, Scout's excitement is probably going to be one of the cutest things you've ever heard.

[Music]

KATE -Right, Scout. Are you ready for the robot?

SCOUT - I shall go and get Mummy.

KATE -Hold on, hold on, let me turn it on. Here it goes. Are you working? Wait Scout, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait! Why isn't it working? Oh, flipping things. Why do they never work?

SCOUT -Naughty robot.

KATE -Oh there we go. Is that it?

SCOUT - Here robot. Naughty robot, naughty robot. [Tune plays]

KATE -Oh. Wait, wait, wait! Let's check it works.

[Robot: "Starting spot cleaner"]

KATE -There we go. Right.

SCOUT - [Shouts] Mummy!

HOLLY -Yeah?

SCOUT - The robot's starting to clean up.

HOLLY -What? Let's have a look then. [Vacuuming sound]

SCOUT -It's going to hoover up our feet.

HOLLY -Oh, don't hoover up my feet.

SCOUT -Look out where you're going, robot. That way.

KATE -That way, robot.

HOLLY -How much did this cost us, Kate?

KATE -It's not for you to worry about, Babes. Don't you worry.

SCOUT -It wants to hoover up me.

HOLLY -It wants to hoover up you, yeah.

KATE -There you go. Look.

HOLLY -It's just going up and down the same bit.

KATE -But it means we don't have to do it, so…

HOLLY -I would have done it by now.

SCOUT -When I patted it and said goodnight it just stopped.

KATE -So when you patted it and said goodnight to the robot it just stopped?

SCOUT -Yeah.

KATE -That's okay. Let's tell it to go back to its charging station.

[Robot: "Going back to the dock"]

SCOUT -Goodnight, robot. I hope you have a good sleep.

KATE -Yeah, I hope you have a good sleep.

SCOUT -We'll wake you up in the morning.

[Music]

AMY -And we made it to week five before Kate, very bravely, allowed Holly to cut her hair. She's a more confident lady than me.

[Jingle: Ouch]

KATE -Where am I sitting?

HOLLY -On this chair, look.

KATE -Right. Have you watched a video?

HOLLY -[Hesitantly] Yes.

KATE -[Laughs] Why doesn't that sound convincing?

HOLLY -Oh, I just brought two pairs of scissors and not a pair of scissors and a brush.

KATE -Oh, I thought that was like a trick thing, like you were doing two at once.

HOLLY -I'm going to do like a trial one and then I'll cut it, like, still long and…

KATE -What do you mean, a trial one? How can you do a trial cut?

HOLLY -Just don't you worry yourself.

KATE -No, you're not meant to cut it straight, you're meant to, like, cut into it.

HOLLY -Oh my God, I can't do this if you're going to, like, interrupt every two minutes.

KATE -Ugh! That was actually in my eye! Oh my God.

HOLLY -Don't flinch.

KATE -Well, don't put it in my eye. You actually put the scissors in my eye then.

HOLLY -I'm going to give you the worst fringe ever if you don't be quiet.

KATE -Oh, the power you have over me right now.

HOLLY -Yeah.

KATE -Oh my God, how short are you cutting it?

HOLLY -You know how you used to have your hair in, like, Year 3?

KATE - [Laughs]

HOLLY -[Clatter] Oh, there goes my gin and tonic. I probably shouldn't be drinking that at the same time.

KATE -No.

HOLLY -Right, have a look. What do you think?

KATE -Oh, wow. I mean, it goes up here. No, don't just cut it, because you'll cut it shorter and shorter.

HOLLY -Oh, yeah.

KATE -Yeah, that bit's too short.

HOLLY -Well, it's not too short, it just looks like there's a bit missing. [Laughter]

KATE -Yes, because you cut it! Oh! Did you cut that off my head?

HOLLY -Oh my… Oh. That's where that piece has gone.

SCOUT - Let me have a look.

KATE - Oh my God.

HOLLY -Doesn't she look great, Scout?

KATE -Mummy cut that off my hair.

HOLLY -I don't remember doing that. I mean, how many inches is that?

KATE -That's like six inches of hair come off.

HOLLY -Yeah, that's weird isn't it?

KATE -Where did that even come from?

HOLLY -I just don't even know. That's so weird.

KATE -I mean, I've never had a hairdresser say that to me before.

HOLLY -Let's have a look. Okay, I've really got to stop because I'm going to start making it look worse.

KATE -Yeah, please don't. Please.

HOLLY -I think that looks really good.

[Music]

AMY -And finally, I wouldn't even have time to list all the elements of lockdown that blew our minds. When Holly rang her doctor for advice on needing her routine blood test we were all a little surprised by his suggestion.

[Jingle: Ouch]

HOLLY -Oh hi, hi, yeah. Thanks for giving me a call.

MALE -Tell me how I can best help you.

HOLLY -As you know I've had a kidney transplant and I'm due to kind of go to London to clinic to have my bloods done which I get done every three months or so. Obviously I'm in self-isolation and have been for kind of eight weeks, but obviously I won't be able to go down to London so I was wondering if I could get the blood tests with you guys?

MALE -Yes, so the best and probably easiest thing to do is just drive basically through a drive through and put your arm out of the window.

HOLLY -Really?

MALE -Yes, so I'll send you a text message. You can just literally get in your car, drive. You just need your NHS number. Okay?

HOLLY -Okay, that's brilliant. Thank you so much.

MALE -You're welcome. So I'll text that shortly.

HOLLY - Brilliant. Thank you. Take care.

MALE -Bye.

HOLLY - Okay. Bye.

KATE -What?!

HOLLY -They want me to drive…

KATE -To a drive through blood test?

HOLLY - Stick my arm out the window.

KATE -Yeah.

HOLLY -Wow. This is weird.

KATE -At the Arena?

HOLLY -This is weird. I thought he was going to say, "Okay, well just come in to the doctor's clinic, the surgery," or at best, "I'll send a nurse round." Yeah.

KATE -I mean, it's really cool. Like, who knew that was going to be a thing?

HOLLY -But that's going to be weird then, because there'll be people in cars, like, behind us and stuff who think they've got COVID.

KATE -Yeah.

HOLLY -Oh my God, we're going to have to, like, open the window the tiniest amount and we'll have to wear masks.

KATE -I mean, I like the idea of the drive through. I mean, like, how cool would that be if that becomes normal?

HOLLY -I know. Don't make any drive through McDonald's jokes, okay? I know you're thinking of one right now. [Laughter] Just, just don't.

KATE -Anyway, well that's good, and it's something to do tomorrow. How exciting.

HOLLY -Yeah, do you know what? I'm going to open iCal and pop it in my diary.

KATE -Wow, there's something going in the diary.

[Music]

SCOUT -We're at Mummy's blood test.

KATE -Do you know what Mummy's getting her blood tested for?

SCOUT -A tiny little bit of bugs.

KATE -To check if she's carrying a little bit of bugs.

SCOUT -No.

KATE -No.

HOLLY -I'm not carrying any bugs, don't worry.

KATE -No, we have to check she's healthy don't we?

SCOUT -Why?

HOLLY -Be happy, be healthy…

KATE - [Sings] And get well soon. Be happy, be healthy, and get well soon.

SCOUT -Only when you're poorly you do that.

KATE -Oh, only when you're poorly you sing the get well soon song?

SCOUT -Yeah.

KATE -Another CBeebies classic.

SCOUT -And can you be quiet for me as well?

KATE -Why do I have to be quiet?

SCOUT - Because I want you to be quiet.

HOLLY -I like quiet too, Scout.

SCOUT -How many hours have we been here?

KATE -We've been here for one hour.

HOLLY -Just one.

KATE -But we've got nothing else to do so, you know, nowt wrong with it.

SCOUT -Do we just wait in this car?

KATE -Yeah.

HOLLY -Oh, thank you.

KATE -Right, here we go.

HOLLY -I don't know if I'm going to have to get out of the car or I'm literally going to have to put my arm out of the window.

FEMALE -Are you Holly?

HOLLY -Yes. Have you found me?

FEMALE -Yeah.

HOLLY -Great, thank you. I hope I've got some good veins going on today.

KATE -Yeah, you really need them.

FEMALE -All right my love.

HOLLY -Do you want me to put the window down fully?

FEMALE -Yeah, we need it down.

FEMALE -It needs to be quite flat really. Oh, it's quite a good one, this one, for taking blood.

KATE -You must be quite an expert now on the car windows.

FEMALE -We are. I've just said we'll be able to do it standing on our heads.

KATE -Yeah. This is so weird.

FEMALE -It is a bit strange. We're getting used to it now. It'll be weird going back, we've been here five weeks.

HOLLY -Do you normally work at the hospital? Are you on 12 hour shifts?

FEMALE -No, we're doing nine hours, every day.

HOLLY -It's still a long time. My God.

FEMALE -I'm quite enjoying it though.

HOLLY -Oh, good.

FEMALE -It's a challenge as well. Three hundred a day at the minute.

KATE -Wow.

FEMALE -Between four, well five of us now. Right, I'm all done.

HOLLY -Oh, brilliant. Thank you.

KATE -That's the quickest I've ever seen your blood being done.

HOLLY -Yeah, she did not mess around, she was just like, whoosh! Yeah, but that's cool.

KATE -Brilliant. All done.

[Music]

AMY -So for now that's the end of us being able to be the ultimate voyeurs and literally hear Kate's online diary. I don't know about you but I've found it really helpful to hear exactly how someone else felt during lockdown, to understand that every family has squabbles, everyone felt confused and sometimes conflicted on guidelines. And eating tons of chocolate was perfectly acceptable. As listener Lynn said, "You have my greatest empathy and respect for going through lockdown with a small child." So I want to say a huge thank you to Kate for being so open. There's no such thing as an over share in my opinion. Plus, Kate isn't going anywhere, she'll be presenting more projects for Ouch in the future. And the Ouch Cabin Fever series is still going strong, as nothing's really quite back to normal yet is it?

And there's tons to look back on. I recently produced a podcast on cancer and dating which, legit made me cry with laughter. Remember, you can also find out what Ouch is up to on our Twitter, that's @bbcouch and our Instagram and our Facebook pages, so if you've anything you want to share, maybe ideas, advice or just tell us which of our podcasts you're really loving, we always love to hear from you and we really do try and read every single comment. So, on behalf of Kate, Holly, Scout and robot, thank you so much for being part of our lockdown journey.