Ellie Goulding: Nature saved me after post-natal depression

Goulding is known for hits such as Burn, Love Me Like You Do, Starry Eyed and Goodness Gracious

Ellie Goulding has said nature "saved me" after she struggled with post-natal depression following the birth of her son in 2021.

She said she "would start to feel some life come back to me" after taking walks in the countryside.

Speaking to Radio 4's Today programme, which she was guest editing, she added that it helped "the numbness ease off".

Goulding said that the only other thing that would help was a big cuddle with her son.

The singer said she "desperately researched" post-natal depression as "I felt I was losing my mind".

She said she would put on a big coat and her boots "even if it was just over my pyjamas, all I'd do was put one foot in front of the other and I would walk out into a field".

What is postnatal depression?

It is a type of depression which affects one in 10 women within a year of giving birth, according to the NHS.

Many women experience the "baby blues" after having a baby - feeling down, tearful or anxious - but this should not last more than two weeks.

Symptoms include a persistent feeling of sadness or low mood, problems sleeping at night, difficult bonding with their baby, and withdrawing from other people.

Midwives and GPs can help people who may be suffering with the illness. Treatment includes antidepressants, psychological therapy and self-help advice.

You can get more information about postnatal depression from the NHS website.

The star said she had suffered from anxiety since young and "nature was one of the things that saved me from that... my upbringing was pretty chaotic and dysfunctional so my way of escaping... was going for walks".

She said some of her childhood anxiety could be attributed to her parents divorcing when she was five and overhearing them discussing money problems.

"The conversations were often around money, if we were going to be able to afford something... might be to do with school, or just food."

She added: "I've always been an anxious person. When I walk into a room of people, I start panicking like someone's about to kill me, which of course, they're not! But my body is telling me I'm in danger."

MeToo movement

Goulding also discussed her experience of the music industry and said there are better protections in place for young singers now than when she launched her career in 2010.

She said she had felt "discomfort" when working in studios with male producers.

"I definitely think the landscape has changed a bit, especially since the MeToo movement."

The singer added her own record label now has chaperones for young artists.

The MeToo movement gathered momentum in 2017 after allegations of sexual abuse were made against film producer Harvey Weinstein, who was later convicted and jailed.

It led to a reckoning in the entertainment industry which saw several women come forward with allegations of sexual harassment or assault against high-profile male figures.

Discussing MeToo, Goulding said: "I think that was really, really important for people to keep speaking out about their individual stories, because I know a lot was happening and just wasn't being talked about.

"I don't think a lot of people felt comfortable to talk about their personal studio experiences."

Asked whether she had felt vulnerable herself while working in recording studios, Goulding said: "I had experiences which, in my head, I sort of normalised and thought, oh, 'maybe this is just a thing'.

"You know, when you go into a studio and afterwards the producer asks if you want to go for a drink. And I'm quite a polite person, I don't like letting people down. I don't like disappointing people.

"So I was like, 'Yeah, sure, absolutely, go for a drink'. And then it sort of somehow becomes like a romantic thing when it shouldn't."

'A kind of currency'

The singer continued: "You don't want it to be a romantic thing, but it's like there was always a slight feeling of discomfort when you walked into a studio and it was just one or two men writing or producing.

"And I had to try and figure out whether it was just me, something going on in my own head. But then hearing so many other stories, similar stories from other female musicians and singers, I realised that I wasn't alone in it at all. It wasn't just me, being particularly friendly."

Goulding described such advances as a "kind of currency" in the music industry.

"It was like a sort of unspoken thing where if you're working with male producers, that was almost like an expectation, which sounds mad for me to say out loud, and it definitely wouldn't happen now. I mean, very rarely, because things have just really changed.

"For example, younger artists at Polydor, my record label, will now have chaperones when they go to the studio. And they also have a chance to speak to a counsellor or speak to someone about about their experience as an up-and-coming musician."

She added: "It's a vulnerable place when you're in a studio writing music."

Ellie Goulding, who grew up in Herefordshire, topped the BBC Sound of 2010 poll, and went on to have success with her debut single Starry Eyed and her album Lights.

She has since reached the top five with songs including How Long Will I Love You, Burn, Love Me Like You Do, Goodness Gracious and the Calvin Harris collaboration I Need Your Love.

If you're affected by any of the issues in this article you can find details of organisations who can help via the BBC Action Line.