Frank Ocean at Coachella: The grief of losing a sibling

Frank Ocean reflected on his "fondest memories" of his brother Ryan

Losing a loved one can be one of the hardest things to experience, and dealing with the subsequent grief is often a long and difficult process.

During his headline set at Coachella in California, Frank Ocean addressed the death of his younger brother Ryan and talked about one of his "fondest memories".

"My brother and I came to this festival a lot, I felt like I was dragged out here half the time because I hated the dust," he told the audience.

Ryan Breaux lost his life in a car crash aged 18 back in 2020.

"I know he would've been so excited to be here with all of us," Frank Ocean said.

Like the singer, 25-year-old Simran Rullen lost her big brother Pav in a car accident two years ago.

She has praised Frank Ocean for speaking openly, saying it will help raise awareness of how death can "affect siblings as well".

"Mostly people think it's [just] the parents that get affected," Simran, who lives in Leicester, tells BBC Newsbeat.

"But the siblings are in the same amount of pain, because they grew up together and and have so many memories together.

"He was there for me since day one. And after losing him I didn't know what to do with my life because he guided me."

Simran says her brother Pav went "above and beyond for his nieces and nephew"

Maisie, from London, was seven when she lost her 21-year-old sister Holly in a natural disaster.

The 25-year-old agrees with Simran and says losing a sibling feels different.

"It's like losing a friend. You expect to outlive your parents, you know that one day, you won't have them there.

"To talk about these emotions, it makes people feel less alone. It is a hard thing to talk about.

"And it's a hard thing for people to go through, but it is relevant in a lot of people's lives."

Maisie says "grief is something that never goes away and it becomes a part of you"

On her own grief, there are "good days and bad days" for Maisie.

And she thinks Frank Ocean sharing his grief on such a big stage takes bravery.

"There are going to be people in that audience that can resonate with his words and can feel and share his loss.

"So it makes it a less lonely place when you do talk about these things."

Maisie was seven when her 21-year-old sister Holly died in a natural disaster

Luke Stephenson's sister Megan was 29 when she died following an operation after a heart attack in March 2020.

He says it was difficult because it was the start of the Covid pandemic which meant you couldn't see people.

"I had to deal with my own grief but I had to support my mum," he says.

"When you lose someone there is obviously all the awful admin tasks to do, I instantly went into a survival mode and focused on doing all that.

"I had to change my car because I had self-diagnosed PTSD every time I got in my car, it reminded me of that night of driving to hospital to be told she was dead."

'Forgotten mourners'

Luke, 34, from Keswick, says he's had counselling and him and his mum talk about Megan "all the time".

"It's still Megan's bedroom in the house, we laugh about her.

"One of the things I think all the time is 'I'd love to be able to tell Megan that' so that's really difficult because I remember I can't.

"I surprised myself with how resilient I was. You can't prepare for it or plan for it but looking back and reflecting, I've got through it."

Luke Stephenson says he still has moments where he wants to tell Megan something

Megan Grace runs an Instagram account called SiblingLoss and she says those who experience sibling loss can be seen as "the forgotten mourners".

"What I enjoy doing is putting out my own thoughts, but I also share other people's stories as well," she says.

"Being able to see other people in my comments and in the community, connecting with each other and then forging relationships online has been really healing."

She feels there is a lot of pressure for young people to "be there" for others, which shouldn't be the case and instead people should be more careful with their words.

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Simran also thinks it's important to "find other people that are going through the same thing as you".

"It makes you feel lighter being able to share your story with someone," she says.

"It really helped me understand my emotions, understand what I was feeling and why I was feeling them."

If you've been affected by the issues raised in this article, advice can be found via BBC Action Line.

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