Parenting: Helping young dads to challenge stereotypes
- Published
Tyler feels he was treated differently to his partner after their little girl Aurianna was born
"People don't often respond to young dads by saying 'congratulations, you're a young dad'. They say 'how did that happen?'"
When Kev Stoodley set up a charity to help dads under 25 in 2017, he did it because he felt all the support out there was aimed at mums.
Even now there are no official stats to tell us how many young men become fathers, but what's clear for Kev is how difficult it can be for the ones who do.
One of the biggest obstacles, Kev says, is the stereotypes they face.
"I think there's a misperception that they're a risk to their children, they're dangerous, they're feckless and disinterested," he says.
"Young dads aren't celebrated in our society, they're seen as being a problem."
'Are you the dad?'
One of those people he's talking about is 22-year-old Tyler Reed.
He tells BBC Newsbeat his life changed when his daughter Aurianna, now 10 months old, was born.
But as a young dad from Sunderland, Tyler's also faced challenges that don't affect everyone after they have a little one.
"When we first started to take her out of the house and go around town, I was basically just there as company," he says.
"I never really got approached by anyone saying 'how are you doing with her?' or just friendly chats, it was always her mum who was spoken to and I was left in the background.
"Even at hospital appointments it was 'so are you the dad?'. It's never questioned for the mum."
The North East Young Dads and Lads Project create murals like this from things the young dads talk about
Tyler, who's a full-time parent and carer for his partner Destiny, receives regular support from the charity Kev set up - the North East Young Dads and Lads Project (NEYDL).
The Gateshead-based group helps young dads in the region by teaching them skills like nappy-changing, bathing and first aid.
But recently they've also found guys often struggle with their mental health and feelings of isolation or loneliness after having a baby.
One in 10 men experience anxiety and depression symptoms in the first six months - and Tyler says the help he's received from NEYDL has been life-changing.
"Honestly, without the support from the guys here I don't want to know where I probably would've ended up," he says.
"I suffer with my mental health as much as the next person, I'm still trying to go through the stages to get it figured out what is going on."
James gets to take his nine-month-old daughter Violet to places he wouldn't usually be able to get to
Another dad out of the hundreds that have been supported by NEYDL is James Withycombe.
The 21-year-old dropped out of university when his daughter Violet was born nine months ago, but a few months later his relationship with her mum broke down.
"I didn't have anything because we were living together," he says.
"And suddenly I had to have two of everything out of nowhere and that's not something that just appears."
James felt he was also missing the support and networks that were available to his ex-partner, but through the charity he was able to take his daughter on days out with other young dads and their kids.
"It's difficult to bring Violet around other kids because it's hard to find young dads like myself," says James, who lives in Blackhall Colliery, County Durham.
Being introduced to people in similar situations has given James people to talk to and allowed him to "have a voice and feel heard", he says.
Prof Anna Tarrant says professionals rarely ask men if they're dads
So how many young dads like James and Tyler are there in the UK?
"What's really interesting is we don't actually know, because there's no official stats about young dads," says Anna Tarrant, who's been leading a big research study into the lives of young fathers since 2020.
Anna, a professor of sociology at the University of Lincoln, says there isn't enough "daddy data" out there.
Rough estimates suggest one in 10 first-time dads are under 25 - but even that's based on teenage pregnancy rates.
"There's no routine data collection and some dads aren't even named on the child's birth certificate," says Anna.
'He's a deadbeat dad'
Anna has worked with NEYDL as part of her research and thinks it's important to build on their work getting dads together to talk.
"Young dads are often portrayed in negative ways but actually really love their children and want to stay in their lives," she says.
"Lots of services try their best but aren't always good at supporting fathers, so we are bringing everyone together to think about how we can change that and better support young families."
One of the ways they're doing that at the charity is by getting people who've been helped to stay on as peer support dads.
NEYDL boss Kev, a dad-of-two himself, says it works with more than 100 young dads a year, and expects that to rise in the next year or so as more stay on to help.
"We tend to find dads stay on and engage and go on a journey from being beneficiaries to being volunteers," he says.
Nathan gets some of the young dads talking by taking them and their kids out on bikes
One of those peer support dads is Nathan Noble, who came to the group when his son Riley-Don was born four years ago.
The 27-year-old from Gateshead says taking people out for activities like bike rides helps them to open up more.
"We're not sat down face to face, we don't even look at each other," he says.
"I think age plays a really big part in this, you're on the same wavelength as other dads as well and have quite a lot of common interests."
Far from being "deadbeats", Nathan says all the young dads he's worked with "will literally dedicate their whole life to being the best dad they can possibly be".
And for people like James, it's obvious the support has made a big difference for his time with his daughter Violet.
"I've always wanted to have the proper family dynamic and that's not something I can give any more," he says.
"When she thinks of the time she spends with me, she's only going to think of the good bits and that's something that I've always wanted."
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