Christmas: The LGBT people celebrating with their chosen families

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A close up photo of Seana Momsen in a restaurant with people sat at tables visible in the blurred background. She has bronze and blonde coloured hair and has a diamond nose ring in and a hoop earring in her right ear.Image source, Seana Momsen
Image caption,

Seana came out as transgender in a Facebook post in 2019

Whether it's recovering after a massive dinner or dreading a never-ending game of Monopoly, most people are likely to be spending the Christmas break with family.

But not everyone is in their childhood homes or with the people they grew up with over the festive period.

Galop, an LGBT+ anti-abuse charity, say more people get in touch over December and January to access their services.

"Not everyone is spending the holiday period in a place where they feel safe to be their authentic selves," their head of helplines Leighton Camara tells BBC Newsbeat.

"It can be a really stressful and difficult time for a lot of people in terms of having to basically change who they are."

That's why some spend Christmas with a "chosen family" - close friends who fill the gap left by estranged relatives.

'Not missing out'

As a trans woman, 24-year-old Seana Momsen never felt "truly accepted" by her biological family and in 2019 decided to leave her Bengali household in Birmingham.

Since then, she has celebrated Christmas with a variety close friends she refers to as her "tribe".

Growing up she was never exposed to Western Christmas traditions, but it's a time she associates with good memories because "everyone was together".

This year she spent Christmas Day with Shaneille, who she met through Bumble friends.

For Seana, family is about who "you like as human beings, regardless of whether they're related to you or not".

"I don't feel like I'm missing out because I'm celebrating with my chosen family," she says.

"I've been given the gift of genuine relation love."

Image source, Clair Saxa Cerise
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Clair Saxa Cerise is seeing both her birth family and her chosen family over Christmas

'Feel really accepted'

For Clair Saxa Cerise, Christmas came in two forms this year.

The 22-year-old drag queen, who identifies as gender non-conforming and queer, has a difficult relationship with her biological family.

She decided to move out of her family home in Northampton in July after "constant arguments" over her drag career.

Clair hasn't spoken to her family much since but has agreed to visit them over the festive period.

"No matter our differences, no matter how much we've argued, no matter the fact that we didn't speak for several months, they are my family," Clair says.

But Clair won't be spending all of the Christmas break at her family home because she says it brings back negative memories and emotions.

That's why she's planning to spend most of the festive season with her drag family, including her auntie Peaches Munroe, sister Patient Zero and best friend Liv.

"I'm really looking forward to being in a space where I feel really accepted to be me," Clair says.

Image source, Aaron Cawood
Image caption,

Aaron (left) met Archie while stage managing a production at their old high school in Leeds

'Best of both worlds'

Despite having a good relationship with their biological family, Aaron Cawood finds it "impossible to imagine big life moments without chosen family".

This includes Christmas, which tends to turn into "incredibly long conversations until 4am" with the 24-year-old's chosen brother Archie.

Aaron, from Leeds, came out as non-binary in 2022 and says they have "lived a very privileged queer experience in that their family has always been on their side".

As a middle child, Aaron is used to a busy festive period but says there's an extra "social level" they have with their chosen brother.

Archie is always their first point of call, whether they are struggling with gender dysphoria or having to deal with being misgendered by others.

They describe their relationship with each other as "having a sense of protection and each other's best interests at heart".

"You get the best of both worlds of having the closest friend you can imagine who is also family to you," Aaron says.

If you are affected by the issues in this story, you can find support at BBC Action Line.

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