Cancelling Christmas: 'They said they understood'

Mick and Debbie Thompson hope next Christmas will look more like life before the pandemic

With infections rising and worries about the festive period growing, some families have decided Christmas isn't worth the risk and are either cancelling their plans or making last-minute changes.

Mick Thompson is still annoyed about placing third with his wife, Debbie, in the family Zoom quiz at the weekend. Perhaps that's an understatement - "quite distraught" is how he puts it. But when the initial red mist cleared, the pair had to address another issue that came up during the call: the annual Boxing Day get-together.

Mick's family is one of hundreds across the country weighing up whether or not to go ahead with plans over Christmas, amid a growing number of coronavirus infections across the UK. The usual restrictions on social contact are being relaxed between 23 and 27 December, allowing up to three households to mix indoors over the five-day period.

But Mick and Debbie still decided to call off the Boxing Day buffet at their home in Chineham, Hampshire, this week. "Everyone was saying 'I'll bring desserts' and 'I'll bring this' and 'I'll bring that'," says Mick, 59, who owns a travel PR company. "But over the last couple of days... there's been so much talk about this Christmas relaxation that I think for one year only, the sensible thing to do is just not to bother. We can do it any old time, you know?"

He and Debbie broke the news to her sisters in a text message (a method he recommends, by the way, because "you don't get the opportunity to get emotional on the phone").

"What I'm worried about is that I could be asymptomatic, catching it from somebody else, and then spreading it afterwards. My conscience wouldn't let me do that," he says. "They said that they understood and didn't want to put us under any pressure."

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More than 200 miles away in Lancashire, Nicole Cobb, 30, had to have the same conversation with her family.

She, her partner and children usually spend the festive period flitting between her relatives' homes in Aberdeen. This year they had planned a gathering within the relaxed rules but, given that her job as a youth and family worker involves meeting so many people, she decided it was not worth the risk of unknowingly passing on the virus.

She made the "difficult decision" just before the second national lockdown was introduced in England last month.

Nicole says her elderly gran is one of her closest family members

"There is that thought that my gran's older and am I missing a special Christmas with her?" she says, adding that she would love to also see her sister, who is having chemotherapy, and her new niece.

Although she'll miss seeing her family, she is also looking forward to a "much more relaxed" Christmas at home. "There's no pressure to run around this year," she laughs.

Instead, the family will do a virtual quiz on Christmas Day and will meet up next year. "If you've got the family around the table, it doesn't need to be 25 December, it can be any date that you pick. It's just about getting together as family, isn't it?"

James Downs, 31, from Cambridge, says he would rather find alternative things to do on Christmas Day "than face the idea of risking my loved ones".

He works in mental health policy but also teaches dance and yoga, so also comes into contact with a lot of people. He had plans to go to to Cardiff to see his family, including his clinically vulnerable dad, but he's called them off.

"The idea of giving my dad the virus and him being very unwell is something I'm not prepared to risk for the sake of a few months, by which time he might have the vaccine," he explains.

He says anyone worried about having difficult conversations with family members should focus on "the reasons why you might not want to meet this year - because you care about and love them".

James had been looking forward to spending time with his mum over Christmas

On Wednesday, the four UK nations agreed that restrictions will still be relaxed between 23 and 27 December, but guidance would be strengthened.

Boris Johnson warned "a smaller Christmas is going to be a safer Christmas", saying people should "think hard" before meeting friends and family.

Three households will still be able to meet - apart from in Wales where a law change will allow just two households. And in Scotland people are being asked to meet on just one of the five days. An announcement on Northern Ireland is expected on Thursday.

A YouGov survey this week suggested 57% of people think the plans to relax coronavirus rules over Christmas should be scrapped. Around 31% of the 3,856 adults who were asked said the easing should go ahead as planned, and 12% said they were unsure.

Diva Fanning, 71, a retired midwife in Herefordshire, always looks forward to spending time over Christmas with her daughters, no matter how grown up they are.

She had been planning to host her daughters and their families on Boxing Day. But after a friend told her that a man in her local village had died from coronavirus following a get-together - and with infection rates rising - she decided to change course.

"I didn't want to say 'I'm not doing it' because I didn't want to sound like a killjoy, so I just said 'perhaps it's best'," she says. In any case, she and her husband will still host one daughter who is in her bubble, and can see other family members outside.

"It wasn't a difficult conversation really. It came together on its own... everybody was thinking the same anyway," she says. "We've all come to that agreement that it's silly, really, to take the risk."

Diva Fanning's Boxing Day this year will be a bit quieter than usual

Back in Chineham, Mick and Debbie will spend Christmas and Boxing Day at home with the dogs. The whole family plans to meet up in the spring, instead. "I'm very disappointed, but I think it's the only sensible thing to do," he says.

Until then, another virtual quiz on Christmas Day will have to suffice - and he's got some swotting up to do. "One of my sister-in-law's sons and his girlfriend put the quiz together and all the oldies sit round and compete, it's quite good fun," he says. "We normally win."

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