Ashley Cain risks life to keep daughter Azaylia's memory alive
- Published
Former professional footballer and reality TV star Ashley Cain is taking on his riskiest challenge so far for the little girl he lost to cancer.
"To the top of every mountain, to the bottom of every valley, along every road, across every ocean - I'll take you there, baby."
As he delivered his daughter's eulogy, Ashley Cain vowed to carry Azaylia Diamond Cain's name and legacy with him through every future challenge he faced.
So when anyone asks why he is attempting the Yukon 1000 - described as the world's toughest survival race - he replies: "When else would I get the chance to take my beautiful baby from Canada to the Arctic Circle to Alaska?"
Azaylia was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia in October 2020 and died six months later at just eight months old.
Since then, Ashley - who played for Coventry City and has appeared on TV shows such as MTV's Ex on the Beach and BBC's Go Hard or Go Home - has taken part in many extreme challenges in her name. These have included running five marathons in five days and cycling from Land's End to John O'Groats.
The Yukon, which takes place in July, will see him kayak down the Yukon River from Whitehorse in Canada through the Arctic Circle to Dalton Highway Bridge in Alaska in the US. With only 10 days to complete the 1,000 mile race, 28 two-person crews will need to be able to survive in the wilderness - there are no support teams accompanying them, although their progress will be monitored.
Ashley and his teammate, Gary Johnson - a personal trainer, hope to complete it in seven to eight days - which means they will need to cover 120-125 miles (193-201km) each day.
"That will involve 18 hours a day kayaking with one hour to change, pitch your tent and find a safe place to eat your food in case you're in wolf or grizzly bear territory," he says. "Then five hours' sleep - if you can sleep - to start the day again."
As well as the threat of bear and wolf attacks, challengers also face the risk of hypothermia if they fall into the turbulent waters. "I'm willing to risk my life", says Ashley.
"There's a lot of things that go against you out there," he says, "especially as I'm going to be the least-experienced person by miles to have ever attempted it. I've only been kayaking since February."
Known for his speed and power, Ashley says these long distance challenges that involve endurance don't suit him.
He explains: "I'm big, I'm stocky, it goes against me, but in hospital [with Azaylia] I realised that life is a battle of endurance."
To make it through, all you can focus on is your next step he says - and in every challenge, Azaylia is the reason he keeps taking that next step.
"When I'm struggling, I look up to her and she gives me the strength that I need," he says.
Ashley has written a memoir, which will be published on 22 June, about the relationship with his daughter, her fight for life and the struggles he has faced since she died.
"After Azaylia passed away and I spoke her eulogy, I found myself spiralling a little bit into alcohol," he says.
"When I woke up one morning, I was in tears because I felt ashamed, I felt embarrassed. I thought, 'If this is the person that my daughter's looking down on, I need to hang my head.'"
He says he could lie to his parents about whether he had drunk alcohol, but he could not lie to himself or Azaylia.
"That's when I knew I needed to be changed… I needed to keep the promises that I'm making, not only to me, but to her."
With his ex-partner, Safiyya Vorajee, and the foundation they created in their daughter's name, Ashley is determined to fundraise and increase awareness of childhood cancer. He says it is an area of research that is severely underfunded.
"If there is no new research, it means there are no new cures, if there are no new cures, it means there are no better statistics," he says.
No child should have to go through what his daughter experienced, Ashley says, adding she taught him how to be brave when life was frightening.
The TV star says his Christian faith was tested throughout her illness, but he refuses to let Azaylia's short life be in vain.
"There has to be a reason why what happened, happened, and I'm not going to be that person that turns to stone as a result. I am going to be the hero of my story for her, for myself and for other people around me," he says.
Working seven-day weeks and 18-hour days, Ashley describes his schedule as relentless. Currently single, he says it wouldn't be fair to start a new relationship because he is committed to the path he is on. For now, he also cannot see himself having another child.
"I find it hard to be able to imagine that I could love anyone or anything else as much as I love Azaylia," he explains.
By pushing himself to the limits, Ashley says he is not running away from the pain of his loss, but running "head on into it". He wants to show others "no matter how tough your struggle was, there is strength at the other side."
He has chosen to go to the extremes, risking his life in challenges such as the Yukon 1000, because he wants to make the greatest impact for Azaylia.
"I will do something with that incredible and beautiful life and I will make her name live on for many more years."
Strong: Life, loss and eternal love for my daughter, by Ashley Cain, is published on 22 June.
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