Plymouth Brethren: Gay former member recalls 'lies, control and fear'

Fritz Penney had two years of counselling after leaving the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church

"It's a lot of lies, it's a lot of control and it's a lot of fear," Fritz Penney says of growing up in a secretive religious community, before fleeing the group after realising he was gay.

The 28-year-old from Southampton was born into the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church but says he left in his early 20s when he began to question its strict rules on sexuality and contact with secular society.

He says he was "terrified" by the church's response and says he has since all but lost contact with his family.

Plymouth Brethren Christian Church questions his account and insists it embraces "individuality and mutual respect".

It was established almost 200 years ago by Evangelical Protestants who were disillusioned with the traditional Anglican church.

He was born into the Brethren community and lived with his parents, two brothers and sister in Southampton

Today there are about 50,000 members worldwide - more than a third of them in the UK - who believe the Bible is the true word of God and live in accordance their reading of its instructions.

According to Fritz, members keep themselves separate from non-Brethren and, for example, would not live in houses with walls that adjoin those of people who are not members of the same church and they cannot vote in elections. Their access to the internet is also restricted and filtered.

The Brethren say they do not determine where their members live and that they have lived alongside diverse communities for 200 years. They also say they use filtering software to protect themselves online.

The organisation maintains it is a mainstream church that puts family first and has strong ties to local communities.

Like all its other members, Mr Penney was born into the Brethren community. He lived with his parents, two brothers and a sister in a house in Southampton.

"In the house we didn't have TV or music," he says, adding: "We didn't celebrate Christmas."

"We went to church every day in Chandler's Ford and we went to our own schools, worked for our own businesses.

The family attended daily gatherings at the Brethren's meeting house in Chandler's Ford

He says the outside world was portrayed by the Brethren as "a very dark, evil place".

"We were brought up to sort of feel like everyone out here is wicked, always out to get you," he continues.

"It's very fear-based and that's part of their control.

"One of the leaders said once, 'We'll do the thinking and you do the doing'. You have to follow the plan that's set out for you."

Mr Penney says he followed the rules but as he got older he began to question his sexuality in particular.

"I'd be expected to marry a girl and then produce children," he explains.

"So that's when I realised I definitely didn't fit the mould. I didn't know what it was.

"They don't talk about sexuality in any aspect but I couldn't talk to them about it because I knew if I did talk to someone that it would have consequences."

Mr Penney (left) married Paul, who helped him to leave the group, in 2017

He describes how he broke the group's rules by buying a smartphone from Argos.

"I was terrified because I still thought they were going to find a way onto it," he says.

"I would stay up until the early hours on YouTube, just watching every random video.

"That's where I found out what being gay is and the fact that you can have a loving relationship as a gay person - it's not this wickedness that I was led to believe."

'Spiralled'

He also connected with people online, including Paul, who is now his husband. But the Brethren community found out.

"They brought priests to the house, I had to confess my sins, what I'd done wrong, and that's when it kind of spiralled because they were always on the lookout, and that's why I had to be more careful," he says.

By then, he was secretly planning to leave home for the outside world he had been taught to fear. But his mother found his "to-do list".

"Mum was sat on the bed in floods of tears, just sobbing, and she sort of said, 'Why are you wanting to leave?'," he explains.

"At that time I was really close to telling her that I was gay but I knew that would add a whole new level to this situation that I was already in.

"As I walked down the stairs, I looked back and my younger brother was standing there and he just had this look of fear in his eyes."

Plymouth Brethren maintains it is a mainstream church

Wracked with torment, My Penney eventually left the family house and fled with Paul to Winchester.

An email from his parents later warned him "the course of sin you are set on is not compatible with our way of life", he says.

Following his departure he went through two years of counselling. He now has barely has any contact with his family.

He married Paul in 2017 and now works in recruitment.

"I have got to the stage where I can deal with things like the pain," he says, adding: "It is a grieving process but it doesn't finish.

"It's not like someone's died and you grieve for them, and you can have a closure over it. They're still there."

'Break free'

He continues: "I was a staunch believer in everything they taught me and I realised that it's a lot of lies, it's a lot of control and it's a lot of fear.

"And when you break free of that, you can really experience people's love for you, for being just yourself."

The Brethren says Mr Penney's decision to leave was "a personal choice and we wish him well".

"However, his account is not reflective of the lifestyle and common experiences of our 18,000 church members across the UK," it continues.

"Similar to other religions, we have our own traditions that relate to our faith and we strive to live a community-minded life, underpinned by our core values of care, charity and compassion.

"We fully embrace the British values of individuality and mutual respect, and are committed to serving our local communities in the UK and around the world."

It said its values and beliefs "broadly align with those of millions of Anglicans, Catholics and others".

BBC Action Line has details of organisations that can offer help and advice if you have been affected by issues raised in this story.