Former South Yorkshire police officer recounts domestic abuse ordeal

Former chief superintendent Natalie Shaw says she was a victim of domestic abuse

Waking up on her kitchen floor with her partner crying next to her saying he had only hit her because her loved her so much, Natalie Shaw knew it was time to get out. Now the former chief superintendent is using her own experience to help steer South Yorkshire Police's Violence Against Women and Girls team. Sharing her story for the first time, she hopes she can help others break free.

"I thought he was going to kill me," she said.

"He was just there, crying. He said he'd done it because he loves me so much."

Natalie had previously been pushed and shoved, but this time - after a row about the ironing - her partner had taken things a step further.

"He hit me in the face, making my teeth loose," she said. "He knocked me to the floor, then strangled me until I was unconscious."

Now, when Natalie speaks to a victim of domestic abuse, she can look them straight in the eye: she has been in their place.

She also wants others to know that anyone can fall prey to abusers - even police officers.

"I couldn't tell anyone at work because it was so embarrassing to be a police officer and a victim of domestic abuse," she said.

"I'd said I wasn't going to be 'that' person. I'm supposed to protect people like me."

Natalie said it took her "to the point of being beaten and strangled" to know that she needed to get out.

"I just didn't know how," she said.

The relationship with her abuser began as a whirlwind romance in the early 1990s.

To begin with, he was a true gentleman, she said, showering her with compliments and expensive gifts, including a new car, an exotic holiday and expensive jewellery.

But, a year into the relationship he began to show his true colours.

"The problem is, you don't know you are entering a domestic abuse relationship," she said. "You don't meet someone and they're instantly awful to you; it's a drip, drip effect."

She said as the relationship went on he began to control all areas of her life - even how she dressed.

"Once, I put on a polo-neck jumper to go to work in the plain clothes department (of the police)," she said.

"I remember a massive argument ensuing that I was daring to go to work like that. I went to work in a men's T-shirt because I just didn't want the argument."

'Trapped'

Previously a bold and bubbly character, by this stage her self-confidence and self-worth were plummeting.

"You start to question yourself and think you are being irrational, you feel trapped and very fearful," she says.

After the attack in the kitchen, it took her four months to leave.

"I literally left with what I had on my back," she said.

Natalie met husband Wayne, 59, soon after the abusive relationship ended. The couple have been happily married for 21 years and have two grown-up children.

She urges other victims to seek help.

"If I had spoken to someone, they would have helped me get out and I wouldn't have had to spend four months trying to figure it out myself," she said.

"If my story gives anyone else the confidence either to report to us or to tell someone to get the help they need, then I'll be glad to have told it."

Information and support on domestic abuse

If you're affected by any of the issues in this article you can find details of organisations who can help via the BBC Action Line.

If you feel you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. If you can't speak, press 55 when prompted to let them know you need urgent help.

Online webchats and text services are also available.