Darlington family's anger as graveside mementos thrown away

This is what the grave looked like before the rules came into force, and after

A woman was "left without words" after being told belongings from her parents' graves had been "taken to the tip".

Debbie Burt was shocked to find mementos stripped from her mother and father's graves at St Andrew's Church in Haughton-le-Skerne, County Durham.

Rules banning artificial flowers, pictures and lights are in place to avoid "distress" to other mourners.

Ms Burt, who has been visiting the graveyard for 22 years, said relatives were "not being allowed to grieve".

'Mud and headstones'

She is planning a peaceful demonstration against the diocese's rules, which also ban cuddly toys, prayer cards, statues and chains from being left near graves.

"It was always lovely, people would walk through and say how lovely it was," Ms Burt said.

"It looks horrendous now, it's just mud and headstones."

Debbie Burt has called for the church to change its rules

Regulations governing what is allowed in churchyards have been in place for many years, but they have recently been enforced more robustly at St Andrew's.

They began to remove "unauthorised items" that had not been collected before Christmas.

This included items from the graves of Ms Burt's mother, Sheila, who died in 2002, and her father, Tony, who died in 2011.

"I rang the church to make an appointment and it said they don't think there are items here," she said.

"Then [they] called me to say my mam and dad's belongings had been taken to the tip.

"I was very upset and said I don't know how to respond."

Ms Burt, who has attended the church since she was a child, said she did not know when such items would be removed.

"They came down with wheelbarrows and collected it. That's the saddest thing, all of the items were taken to the tip and people didn't get their belongings back.

"I don't know how they were allowed to do that."

The rules have been enforced at St Andrew's Church

Since the removal, Ms Burt said other shocked families had asked the church to review the rules.

"It shouldn't be a case of this is what the church says, like it or lump it, life is all about compromise," Ms Burt said.

"How can they expect people to stop doing what they have been doing for 20 years?"

'Not practical'

The rules, which have been displayed on posters around the premises, state only fresh flowers are "welcome and encouraged".

The Diocese of Durham, which introduced the measures across all of its churches, said "experience showed" articles left by some families as "genuine expressions of grief may not seem fitting" to other people and could cause distress.

A spokesperson said the church had contacted all families in advance of the removal of items and notices had been in place since last March and September.

"We stress that St Andrew's has made every effort to be in contact with families to ask that items not permitted are removed, and sadly where these items weren't removed, the parish had no option but to remove them itself," the representative said.

"The items were stored for around six weeks, but sadly it is not practical to store them indefinitely. St Andrew's has a duty to all families who have the ashes of their loved ones interred in the churchyard to make sure it is effectively and respectfully managed."

This story was updated on Monday 6 March 2023 to clarify some of the details after we received more information about the story.