Sexual abuse victim waives anonymity to speak out about ordeal

Haileigh Ashton Lamont said she wanted to tell her own story, in her own words

A Belfast woman who was sexually abused by her stepfather as a child has waived her anonymity to speak out about what happened to her.

Haileigh Ashton Lamont said she wanted to tell her own story, in her own words, but also to share her experience of the prosecution process.

She said she did so in the hope it might help prepare other victims and survivors considering coming forward.

Her abuser, Tommy Harris, 48, pleaded guilty to 42 counts of sexual assault.

The charges against Harris, who has an address at Wynchurch Road in Belfast, included rape, attempted rape, indecent assault and gross indecency with a child.

The abuse took place over a decade, from 1999 to 2009.

It started when Haileigh was seven, and didn't end until she was 18.

Fight for justice

Last year, after seeing her mental and physical health suffer under the strain, Haileigh reported what had happened to police.

Now 30, she said: "On the 7th of July I walked into a police station in Belfast. I was hysterical, I was panicking, I couldn't breathe.

"And that's when I said for the first time in my life: 'My stepfather sexually abused me when I was a child.'

"I thought once I said that out loud in a police station that would be enough.

"But since then, I've had to fight to get justice - and it has been a fight."

'Feeling of dread'

Haileigh said her earliest and most thorough memory of the sexual abuse was when she was seven or eight.

She said she lived in fear all the time.

"If you can imagine the feeling of dread that you've had or the worst day of your life, that was my every day," she said.

"Whenever I was a young child, I didn't know why my skin was crawling, why I wanted to die, because it was a person in a position of trust, and I was too young to understand.

"And then the older I got, I was still a child, but I understood that it was sexual abuse that I was suffering, and so frequently, I had to live with all that, and pretend that I was OK - because I was so fearful of what he would do if I exposed him or somebody found out.

"While I was staying quiet I was protecting a paedophile, that's how I felt."

A judge at Laganside Court told Haileigh she should "hold her head high"

Haileigh said she still feels an overwhelming urge to apologise to anybody she brought into her life because they were exposed to what had happened.

"But I was just so into survival mode that I didn't see it like that at the time," she said.

"I've managed to break it down to me versus him, and I chose myself."

Haileigh wanted to waive the anonymity she is legally entitled to as a victim of sexual abuse in order to "take control" of her story

"You can't do what he done to me and get away with it. There has to be consequences," she said.

"If I can share my experience and it resonates with one person and they think that if they come forward they might have a better understanding of what to expect, it's worth it then for me."

'Not be afraid any more'

Haileigh said she wants justice - but what is justice to her now?

"If I'd have answered that back when I walked into the police station - I was so set on there needing to be a conviction," she said.

"I fantasised my whole life about justice.

"Justice to me now is the sound of my voice - being able to talk about this and to not be afraid any more after living my whole life in fear."

Haileigh said she is now "excited" about her future - she's at university, studying to become a counsellor.

"I feel like I'm at the starting line, like I could do anything," she said.

"I am a prime example of not knowing what happens behind closed doors, because I know no-one would have suspected what I've been through or what I was keeping to myself."

Harris will be sentenced next month.

On Thursday at Laganside court in Belfast, a judge told Haileigh she should "hold her head high", after reading her victim impact statement.

He said: "You have done absolutely everything that could have been expected of you in bringing this case, and bringing it to a conclusion."

Haileigh has this message to her abuser.

"I will not be remembered as the wee girl who was sexually abused," she said.

"I will be remembered as the young woman who boldly and bravely stood up for herself and exposed a paedophile.

"That is not a representation of defeat, that is victory."

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this story, help and support can be found at BBC Action Line.