A Festive First Minister's Questions

Nicola Sturgeon revealed she and her husband Peter Murrell always fall out while decorating their tree

Nicola Sturgeon, you will be astonished to learn, has opted for home-grown when it comes to Yuletide greenery. She has installed two Christmas trees in Bute House - well, it's a big place - and both of them are Scottish.

However, it emerged earlier that all is not entirely oojah-cum-spiff in the First Ministerial domestic household on the topic of Festive forestry.

Ms Sturgeon disclosed that she and her estimable husband, Peter Murrell, always fall out while decorating the tree - but get there in the end. Mr Murrell, it should be said, is customarily one of the calmest individuals in existence.

Forgive this havering on the subject of trees. It was prompted by a question from the Conservative backbencher Edward Mountain.

Cloudy Mountain

The word from the Mountain, once translated, was that forestry was for life, not just for Christmas. He pleaded with the FM to back Caledonian topiary - before resuming his seat, gesturing magnanimously with his sizeable hand to signal that it was Ms Sturgeon's shottie.

The Presiding Officer who, unaccountably, reckoned it was up to him to call upon speakers nevertheless acquiesced and matched the Mountainous command. The First Minister was called.

And did she wish Yuletide greetings upon one and all, with a beneficent grin? Friends, she did not. Rather, she noted that - when it came to land use - the Tories tended to favour the few, rather than the many. The Mountain looked notably gloomy, as if surrounded by cloud.

Edward Mountain closed out the last FMQs of 2016 with a question about Christmas trees

Mind you, Ms Sturgeon was only giving as good as she got on the Festive front. Opposition leaders each opened with a brief, cheery Festive benison. But they swiftly turned to the Yuletide game of the day: giving the Scottish Government a prolonged kicking.

Ruth Davidson got there first for the Conservatives. (Not hard in that she is called first.) Ms Davidson raised the subject of the Auditor General's report anent police funding. The AG, as you will read elsewhere on this site, was less than complimentary.

In essence, her complaint is that the books of the Scottish Police Authority are not in a good way - and that longer-term funding for the police may fall short of proclaimed requirements.

Bark vs bite

Ms Davidson addressed the topic like a station sergeant taking a statement from a miscreant in that she appeared notably disinclined to give Ms Sturgeon the benefit of any doubt.

We learned one more thing about Nicola Sturgeon this week. She has a phobia towards dogs. She quails at the prospect of a canine encounter. Mind you, she managed to overcome this sufficiently to cuddle a puppy for the cameras, lightly and very briefly.

It would seem however that her fear does not extend to her political opponents. Certainly, she opted to attack over the police books - arguing that reforms were in place and that the bobbies' budget would be somewhat better if the UK government would relent and stop charging the Scottish force VAT.

Ruth Davidson did not appear prepared to give Nicola Sturgeon the benefit of the doubt

Sgt Davidson was undeterred. Her retort, subbed down, was: "Heard it!"

She was last seen leaving the chamber in search of an Alsatian or poodle, according to availability, with which to confront the FM.

Up stepped Labour's Kezia Dugdale. As billed earlier, she tried a quick "Merry Christmas" before repeating the police budget charge sheet. Indeed, she accused the FM of trying to sneak it out a few hours before recess.

Ms Sturgeon looked and sounded indignant. The timing, she said, had given her opponents an example to question her at length on the topic. She did not say - but probably thought - that, if she had wanted to escape questions, she would have published it tomorrow.

Any more?

Willie Rennie pursued a topic which he has made his own: that of provision for mental health. On this occasion, the Liberal Democrat leader questioned the FM over such care in prison.

Ms Sturgeon was notably emollient. One, this is a deeply sensitive topic. Two, she openly conceded that mental health care has been neglected "for generations". Three, she might need the Lib Dems to back the SG budget - and mental health provision could be a key issue.

Any more? Yes, we had John Mason, the SNP backbencher, challenging the UK government over plans to make holders of public office swear an oath to uphold British values. Mr Mason said he, for one, did not feel particularly British.

Ms Sturgeon too seemed unimpressed. She felt such a move was a premature response to the wider Casey report into social cohesion. She doubted whether enforced oaths would assist the integration of diverse communities.

Have an utterly splendid Yule. And thereafter a Guid New Year.