Viewpoint: Why my mum should be allowed a wife

Lori Saywell says her two mothers are a great example of a strong "marriage"

Australia's Marriage Act specifies that marriage is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others. As the nation's political leaders debate whether this should be changed to make same-sex marriage legal, Sydney woman Lori Saywell told the BBC why she thinks her mother should be allowed to marry her female partner.

I am tired of hearing that legalising "gay marriage" will damage children and ruin the sanctity of marriage.

As an adult child of gay parents, I can confidently say that it is not homosexuals who stand to wreak such havoc. Infidelity, substance abuse, gambling, emotional, verbal and sexual assault, distrust and dishonesty - these are the true causes of marriage breakdown.

Loving family ... Lori (right) with her mothers Deb (centre) and Sue.

My parents divorced when I was 13. After that, my mother Deb fell in love with Sue, the woman she now considers to be her wife, and they were together all through my teenage years.

'It was an adjustment'

I am a high school teacher who has lived overseas. I don't attend a church but consider myself a Christian.

Getting married in Australia

• Australia's Marriage Act specifies marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

• There are several bills before the Parliament proposing to legalise gay marriage.

• Opinion polling shows 72% of Australians support gay marriage.

• Officially, the ruling Liberal-National coalition does not support gay marriage.

• The Opposition Labor party endorses gay marriage but allows its MPs a conscience vote on legislation.

People often ask how I was affected growing up with a lesbian mother. I won't lie, it was an adjustment and something I had to work through but so was hitting puberty, experiencing my first heartbreak and dealing with death.

Any change in life requires time to process and adjust. However, I maintain that my mother's relationship with my stepmother (whom I love dearly) has been more of an example of what I believe marriage should be than my biological parents' relationship ever was.

My mother and her partner have a deep-seated love for each other that is built on trust, loyalty and a mutual respect for the need to consider their respective children first.

The majority of Australians approve of same-sex marriage

Children can adapt and can function in a household with only one parent or a parent with a new partner, or a widowed parent. All of these things require time, honest discussion and support but there is no difference between a child witnessing their parents' divorce and falling in love again to what I have experienced.

The argument that homosexuals choose who they fall in love with and who they are attracted to is baseless. In the same way, I didn't wake up one day and decide to be heterosexual; I just am.

For centuries, we have seen and read about inequality, and we look back and teach our children that these inequalities were wrong. Yet there are still people today teaching their children that a man who loves a man or a woman who loves a woman is an abomination.

I won't call people who disagree with same sex marriage bigots because I want to spread love and acceptance.

Lori (in pink) with her blended family

However, I think it is important to remember that one person's religious beliefs cannot bind the actions of other people who don't share those beliefs.

I am in a healthy, loving relationship with a beautiful man, and I have no hesitation in claiming that my mother's relationship with her "wife" has been a positive influence in my life, teaching me about commitment, love, sacrifice and honesty. To me, their bond is exactly what a marriage should be.

If I described my mother's relationship without using gender references I know people would imagine a well-rounded, balanced and healthy relationship.

I want to see my mother marry the love of her life.

I want to celebrate their union and recognise their commitment to myself and my brothers in our blended family.

I want them to know that as they age together they won't have to worry about the legalities of their union, and that they can feel safe in the knowledge they provided an example of what a happy, healthy marriage should look like.