Politician wanted, politicians need not apply

Situation vacant: President of the United States

Start date: January 2017

Experience required: Should be familiar with the intricate workings of government; have extensive experience as elected representative at either state or federal level; have extensive foreign policy experience to deal with international crises

Other: You will be commander-in-chief of the biggest armed forces in the world

Location: Washington

Interview 1:

"Ah, so come in Dr Carson. Please sit down. Ben, We like your CV, and you come across as clearly very personable and charming, but we couldn't see anything under the section 'relevant experience'. Did you forget to fill that bit in?"

"Well technically I don't really have any. But I bet I know more about the extra-cranial cerebrovascular system than anyone else being interviewed today."

"I suppose to you of all people we can't say 'you must need your head examining if you think you're equipped for this job.'"

Interview 2:

"Please come in - do we call you Donald, the Donald or Mr Trump?"

"Trump calls himself Trump. You may have noticed my name on hotels, helicopters..."

"Thank you. Now can we talk about relevant foreign policy experience?

"Well I gave that cheeky Scottish chap a bit of a kicking over developing those golf courses on the Aberdeen coast."

"You mean Alex Salmond. But what about Vladimir Putin or Xi Jinping…"

"I'll show them who's the boss."

"Yes I'm sure you will. Thanks Mr Trump, we'll be in touch."

...which of course they won't be because there is no interview like that, and all that matters is what the voters think.

And if the latest poll from Monmouth University is to be believed as it looks ahead to next February's Iowa Caucus, the two people who are leading the field by a mile over the serried ranks of senators and governors are the two non-politicians Trump and Carson.

They are tearing away from the rest of the field. They both stand on 23%.

Neither Ben Carson - a retired neurosurgeon - nor business mogul Donald Trump have held elected office before

Running a poor third with 9% is the only other non-politician in the Republican field, former Hewlett Packard boss Carly Fiorina.

Now this is one poll - and building an article round one poll should carry more health warnings than a packet of super strength cigarettes. But even if the figures are a bit out, it is telling us something important.

The voters in Iowa seem to be saying give me anyone, anything, even a pig wearing lipstick and a rosette rather than a worn out, tired, washed up wrung out, run of the mill, central casting politician.

For those who haven't come across Ben Carson he is just about the polar opposite to Donald Trump in personality terms.

If you were coming round from an operation, the effect of the anaesthetic not fully worn off, having Dr Carson peering over you with his kindly smile and neatly clipped goatee beard would be reassuring, calming and soothing.

Donald Trump on the other hand is likely to put you into cardiac arrest. Everything he does is at full volume, at a thousand volts, at high velocity.

I was going to write one is balm, the other is barmy, but that's not fair (even though it's an irresistibly good line).

Former Hewlett Packard boss Carly Fiorina, another outsider, came third in the latest poll

What they have in common is the ability to reach the disaffected, disillusioned and disenchanted and play those voters' concerns like a Stradivarius violin - the more they say the unsayable, the more people like them. The more they discard the rehearsed "talking points", and just speak "human", the better it is for them.

The more they differentiate themselves from the rest of the field, in other words, the more they stand a chance of winning.

It seems fitting to be writing this at the start of September because this is when holiday romances are meant to end as the grim reality of going back to school/work/the daily grind kicks in. Sensible September.

And there are many commentators who seem to think that the American public is having a bit of a coup de foudre but will soon come to its senses. The trouble is there is absolutely no evidence of that.

All of which is deeply discomfiting for the "mainstream" Republican politicians who are languishing in single figures in the polls - because of course they do have the experience of negotiating public policy, of working with opponents, of navigating the legislative currents and eddies to get something on the statute book.

It's just the electorate doesn't seem much interested or impressed by any of that.

Maybe the job vacancy ad should read: "Politician wanted. Politicians need not apply."