'My mind started crumbling' - Canoeist Craig on mental recovery and Olympic ambitions

Hannah Craig finished 10th at the 2012 Olympics in London

"Very few people understand what you actually do, the idea of going day in, day out at your passion, with no income and no guarantees."

These are the words of slalom canoeist Hannah Craig, who, after a difficult 12 months, is aiming to reach the Olympics Games in Tokyo.

Craig, who finished 10th in the K1 final at the 2012 Olympics for Ireland, is recovering from a mental struggle and has her sights set firmly on July's Games.

The 37-year-old feels the connection between athlete and water is the most important aspect of her sport and something that is crucial to success.

"I think people have put so much emphasis on performance, they have forgotten the word human that comes before it," said Craig on Radio Ulster's Sportsound Extra Time.

"In my semi-final run in London 2012, I did not hear a sound despite there being 10,000 people there.

"It was just me and the water, there was nothing else. That is such a unique feeling.

"You go into yourself and connect with yourself, and that is where the performance happens."

'Walls started falling down'

Craig says pressures surrounding the sport, which included self-funding as an athlete, made 2019 a difficult year as she ramped up preparations ahead of Olympic qualification in May.

At a World Cup event in September, at which she had routinely competed before, Craig admitted she had a mental breakdown.

"I was ready, and training had been going extremely well. I was in the start blocks, the beeps went and it was as if my mind just started crumbling, the walls just started falling down," she said.

The canoe slalom sees athletes go down a white water course, getting time penalties for clipping or missing gates

"I did the run but nothing functioned, it was a case of 'just get me down'. I was doing the movements, but in a detached feeling.

"It's really difficult to accept but it is also a really interesting human process.

"I had a real struggle last year trying to get through that and coming up with solutions. I had massive funding issues, and the struggle came to a head that day."

'Crazy' logistical struggle

As a mother of two, the Armoy native admits that the financial responsibility of looking after her children took its toll last year.

There are currently no white water courses anywhere on Ireland, which meant Craig, her partner and coach Han, and their two children spent eight months living in a caravan in France to have access to suitable training facilities.

While Craig admits it was a brilliant experience for her family, the logistics of training day to day meant there was an added pressure.

"I am passionate about my sport, the struggle is never there. The struggle is all the situations in everything around that," she added.

"The logistics are crazy, and there is financial uncertainty, in order for me to get training on white water two or three times a day, every day.

"I don't think any parent wants to be in that situation where they can't provide for their children."

Han Bijnen is Craig's partner and coach

After spending time with a sports psychologist and counsellor, Craig returned to the water for the World Championships a few weeks after suffering her mental struggles at the World Cup,

"It was a roll of the dice," said Craig.

"Mentally I was really not well, but I got to the start line. My racing was not of any quality, but it was a process I had to go through."

In the months since the World Cup, Craig has continued to visit her sports psychologist and counsellor, and admits it is like "going through rehab."

"I wouldn't say I'm 100% but I almost there," she said on her recovery.

'Special energy' around Olympics

While Craig has yet to qualify for the Tokyo Olympics, she feels her experience of reaching the final in 2012 has spurred her on.

"There was a special energy," recalled Craig on the build-up to the London Games.

"I didn't want to get too high, or too euphoric, because then I wouldn't get that proper connection and the performance I was looking for when it came to the actual event.

"The opening ceremony was amazing, so you can let a little bit out but you have to rein it back in again."

The European Championships in May offer Craig the opportunity to reach her second Olympic Games, a route she is familiar with after reaching London in similar circumstances.

"That's how I qualified in 2012, and my target is for Olympic qualification in May and then Olympic performance in July - that's what I'm aiming for," added Craig.

"I put together a crowdfunding campaign to give me the funds I need to get in that boat without worrying about the finances of our family.

"It is going well and that has given me another mental boost and that takes part of the stress away."

I want to relish my time on the water

At the age of 37, Craig says that this will be her last Olympics campaign, and possibly her last year competing at any level.

"It's stage by stage, but you can't jump ahead," she added on the prospect of the qualifying attempt at Lee Valley in London.

"I see myself in Tokyo, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't see that, however you have to focus on each step.

"Lee Valley is a demanding course, and all my focus and energy has to go on being the best I can be on that day and making the most of that opportunity.

"I really want to enjoy the water with this ability that I have right now."

Listen to Sportsound Extra Time with Colin Coates, Hannah Craig and Paddy Cunningham on BBC Sounds