Kiki Bertens column: I considered retiring at 25 because I wasn't having fun on court

Kiki Bertens, the Dutch world number 10, is the latest WTA Tour star to feature in a BBC Sport column at a Grand Slam. In her first column at the Australian Open, the 2016 French Open semi-finalist talks about how she almost retired before going on to enjoy the biggest successes of her career, the air quality in Melbourne and getting married in the off-season.

At the end of the 2017 season I was on the brink of retirement and I had a decision to make: quit playing or do things differently.

I chose to do things differently - with my approach to practice, recovery, nutrition and many other things.

As a result I reached the world's top 10 for the first time in 2018 and won three WTA tournaments. So I guess I made the right decision!

Why was I considering retirement at the age of just 25? Because I really wasn't having fun on court.

I was still winning matches and I was ranked 31 in the world at the end of the year so it was still going pretty well. But I was struggling a lot.

Going through the tour every year and just focusing so intensely on tennis all the time was not working for me. I had to find another way.

I was stressing too much about everything, stressing about draws, stressing about how I was practising.

If one day I did not have a good practice I was worrying a lot about how I'd play over the next few days.

Now, I still work really hard every day, of course, and do everything I can do. But off the court I relax a little more, enjoy my time with the people around me - my husband, my family and the other girls - then go again the next day.

I have changed my work-life balance for the better.

And I don't worry as much. I think 'OK, one day I play good, the other day maybe not'. There is always a next day.

I have realised it is more important to be happy and enjoying the life you are living - win or lose.

'I never thought I'd reach the world's top 10'

After deciding not to retire and carry on, I reached the world's top 10 for the first time in 2018 and won three WTA tournaments. So I guess I came a long way.

For me it was always a huge thing to become top 10 because I'd never really seen myself being able to achieve that dream.

Then last year I won the Madrid Open - my biggest title yet - and was the first woman to win the tournament without dropping a set.

As a result I went up to fourth in the world and that meant I became the highest-ranked female player from the Netherlands ever. That was a huge thing for me and a huge deal back home.

I never thought I'd go as far as this. After doing that, everything is a bonus from now and I am enjoying it all as much as possible.

Of course I still put pressure on myself and I'm still setting goals that I want to achieve.

Bertens won the Madrid Open in May 2019 without dropping a set

Improving my game by trying to play more aggressively is the main one and hopefully make steps in the rankings and the big tournaments as a result.

The furthest I have gone at the Australian Open is the third round so hopefully I can do better than that this year.

I like it here and always feel good, so I don't exactly know why I haven't gone further in Melbourne.

Perhaps it is because normally I start to play better when I have played a lot of matches. At the beginning of the year that is a little bit of a struggle, I still have to find rhythm.

I played some great matches in Brisbane earlier this month, where I lost to Naomi Osaka in the singles quarter-finals and also reached the doubles final with Ashleigh Barty.

So I think I'm ready and excited to see what happens.

'People are suffering so much because of the bushfires - it is heartbreaking'

Of course I have been following the news about the bushfires that have been happening in Australia - it is heartbreaking to see so much devastation.

They are suffering so much here and I feel really bad for the people and animals.

Ash Barty - who is, of course, Australia's world number one - is my regular doubles partner and she donated her prize money from the Brisbane International to the relief fund.

That got me thinking that I wanted to do something so I said I would donate 100 Australian dollars for every ace that I hit in the tournaments over the Australian summer.

I know it is only a small part but I wanted to get involved because it is something that is close to my heart, particularly because I'm so close to Ash.

Bertens (left) and doubles partner Barty are close friends

The air quality in Melbourne has been a big talking point and when I arrived here on Tuesday night I saw the conditions were not great.

I think it was really tough for the players to play qualifying matches in that.

I had a hit on Wednesday morning when it was still not great but I only had a light hit so I didn't have any problems with my lungs or my breathing.

But I can imagine if you're playing for two, or two and a half, hours it is not really healthy.

I know the Australian Open is doing the best they can to find a way to overcome any problems, for them it is also a new situation. I think they are monitoring it really well.

They just have to go day by day, see what they have to do and we all hope there will be no problems.

'I had another big match in the off-season… my wedding!'

The off-season was also pretty busy for me away from tennis - I got married!

My husband Remko is in the tennis world too, he is a physio, a fitness trainer and a coach, and he is also part of my team.

We have known each other for four years now and he proposed at the end of the 2018 season.

I was not really expecting him to propose when he did, even though he knew I really wanted it because I told him many times! So it was a big surprise.

Then all through the year we were building up to the big day and it was really exciting.

We got married at home in Breda where we live, we had a ceremony with only our close family then in the day and at night we had a fun party with more people coming for that.

A few of my friends from the WTA Tour were there - Julia Goerges is one of my closest friends so she was there for the whole day, Johanna Larsson as well, and then lots of Dutch and Belgian tennis faces were there at night.

It goes without saying, the day was really special. Now I hope married life will bring me good luck on the court too!

Kiki Bertens was speaking to BBC Sport's Jonathan Jurejko at Melbourne Park.