Has Father's Day grief become a marketing tool?

Richard, my dad, passed away five years ago

In recent years, some companies have started offering the option to opt out of emails related to sensitive occasions like Father's Day. But for those grieving, the flood of opt-out messages can feel just as intrusive, raising the question - is this genuine empathy or just clever marketing?

I joined the "Dead Dad Club" in 2020, when I lost my father to vascular dementia. The first few years were hard.

So when UK florist Bloom & Wild became the first brand to offer an option to stop emails about big calendar dates like Mother's Day and Father's Day, it felt like a rare moment of genuine sensitivity.

At first, messages like "Prefer not to get our Father's Day emails?" seemed thoughtful - but as more companies copied the idea, the emails started piling up.

This year, my inbox has received more messages about avoiding Father's Day than actual Father's Day adverts.

Messages asking if customers want to opt out of Father's Day emails have been landing in inboxes for several months

Julie Lamont, a grief counsellor at Butterflies Bereavement Support in Eastleigh, Hampshire, believes the original intent behind opt-out emails was positive.

"I think the concept is lovely, it comes from compassion and understanding which is something we don't normally see in a commercial environment," she said.

But since more companies have adopted the idea, she said the gesture now felt like a "marketing ploy".

"What started out as a wonderful, thoughtful thing from Bloom & Wild has turned into something that has become tortuous for people who are coping with loss."

Grief counsellor Julie Lamont says the emails can be intrusive for those who have lost a parent

Rather than offering comfort, she said, the unsolicited emails could act as painful reminders and leave people feeling powerless over how they navigate their grief.

"In dealing with loss we need to feel that we have a modicum of control," she said.

"And if that is questioned... we feel totally manipulated."

Jumping on the bandwagon

Bloom & Wild's co-founder Aron Gelbard said the idea for opt-out emails came directly from customers, who asked if they could be excluded from receiving emails about Mother's Day.

In 2019, the flower company became the first to contact customers directly, offering opt-outs for sensitive occasions.

"We expected there to be some uptake, but the uptake was overwhelmingly positive - we had 17,000 customers opt out within the first 24 hours."

Despite concerns it might hurt sales, Mr Gelbard said customers actually ordered more at other times of the year because they viewed the company more positively.

Bloom & Wild's CEO Aron Gelbard launched the idea for opt-out emails six years ago

Bloom & Wild went on to launch the Thoughtful Marketing Movement - a campaign encouraging other businesses to follow suit.

But as brands with no relevance to Mother's Day began adopting the idea, Mr Gelbard said it started to lose its authenticity.

"It felt like businesses were starting to jump on the bandwagon… and it was starting to look a little bit performative."

He also noted the volume of opt-out emails landing in inboxes had become overwhelming, with people getting tens, even hundreds, of the messages every year.

In 2024, Bloom & Wild decided to stop sending opt-out emails. Instead, they now offer a preference centre on their website where customers can choose to mute emails about occasions like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, and Grandparents' Day.

"But we don't message people about any one occasion specifically," Mr Gelbard added.

Vikki Randles, who runs PR firm Fresh Perspective Marketing, believes the emails are a good idea

Vikki Randles, a marketing expert from Reading, Berkshire, said the approach was about showing empathy by putting the customer first - but agreed it only worked when used appropriately.

"It has to be authentic," she said.

"If you're selling a product that's relevant to Father's Day gifting then yes, it's a responsible thing to do.

"But if you're selling, for example, children's toys - which aren't necessarily connected to Father's Day - then I would question their motives."

Despite losing her own dad eight years ago, Ms Randles said she usually did not opt out of Father's Day emails, as she still buys gifts for her husband on behalf of their children.

"Sometimes I think companies are damned if they do, damned if they don't," she added.

For some, Father's Day will always be a difficult time of year

While it has been five years since Dad died, each Father's Day still carries a quiet weight for me, as it does for so many others.

As brands try to balance empathy with engagement, perhaps the most meaningful gesture is simply allowing people the choice to opt for silence.

If you - or someone you know - has been affected by grief or bereavement, you can find information and support at BBC Action Line.