Archbishop offers grief coping advice at Christmas

The Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby talking about bereavement to an audience at the University of Exeter

The Archbishop of Canterbury has been giving advice on how to cope with grief this Christmas for those who have lost a loved one.

In a recent visit to Devon, the Most Rev Justin Welby talked with grieving parents about how he lost his baby daughter and the effect it has had on him.

Johanna was killed in a car accident in 1983 when she was seven months old.

The archbishop said with significant dates like birthdays, Christmas and the anniversary of a death, a bereaved person needed to "attack the day or the day will attack you".

The Archbishop of Canterbury talking to Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds

The archbishop was talking to an audience with Jimmy Edmonds and Jane Harris, who are bereaved parents running The Good Grief Project in Devon, which supports other parents.

The couple lost their son, Josh, 12 years ago in a road accident in Vietnam when he was 22 years old.

“When you are part of that very large club of people who have buried their children, a club that no-one ever wants to join, you discover certain things that are very important,” the archbishop said.

“There’s no need to be taught to remember and you certainly don’t want to forget, but you can remember in ways that build your life.

'Still so real'

"On birthdays, Christmas, and the anniversary of someone’s death, attack the day or the day will attack you.

“It was our daughter's 41st birthday on November 5th. We always make something of it, we do something.

"You have the day, and you celebrate the life that you enjoyed. The gift of that person.

"Even if they died as a tiny tiny baby, minutes after birth or in stillbirth, they are still so real. Treat them as real.

"Give then that reality and celebrate that there was life, even if fleetingly."

Ms Harris, a psychotherapist and bereavement specialist, describes Christmas at the hardest time for many.

“Memories are alive and it doesn’t mean that you are not functioning.

"I miss Josh more than ever at the moment but I am having a good time as well and living my life fully, but the memories are very much alive.

"And so I might find myself feeling really tearful because I look at an old Christmas card or an old photograph or something and I remember Josh’s presence.”

The advice Ms Harris is giving to grieving people this Christmas is to "be kind to yourself" and not put yourself under too much pressure.