New group helps parents of sexually abused children

Roxy Longworth (right and with her parents) said if the scheme had been around when she was a child, "it would have made the biggest difference"

A charity has begun offering emotional support to the parents of sexually abused children - even if legal proceedings have started.

The online forum, described as a UK-first, is designed to help parents better support their children, said Jo Procter, chief executive of Embrace, Child Victims of Crime.

It was welcomed by a Norfolk family whose daughter was coerced into sending explicit photos to a 17-year-old boy almost a decade ago.

Her father, Adam Spiegel, said: "If the parents are floundering, then they are at their least able to be a useful support for the child who's in crisis."

"I wish we'd have had some better guidance than we had," he added.

His daughter Roxy, now 22, said: "It's so important how your parents handle it in the moment to stop it having a lasting impact... if they'd had support to make certain decisions, that would have made a huge difference."

Today Ms Longworth advises parents who might face a similar situation to ask for advice and help through schemes like the parental peer support programme You are Enough

Ms Procter, who is based in Cambridge, said: "Ultimately, parents are the ones who go on to look after their children, they need to hold their children and help them with their healing and if the parents don't receive the support to allow them to process their trauma, we're in a situation where the children struggle to move on too."

She said that what makes the parental peer support programme You are Enough different from other schemes was "it doesn't focus on the child but on the parent and the parental trauma, what they feel and what support they need."

It does not talk about the facts of the trauma, which means it can be offered well before any criminal investigation is completed, she added.

Parents of an abused child often feel as if they are alone and have nowhere to turn to support, said charity boss Jo Procter

Ms Longworth, who has waived her right to anonymity, said: "I started sending [the older boy] photos in bikinis or revealing tops but it was never enough to keep him interested, he always wanted more and that went on for a few weeks.

"Every night, I was going to bed feeling like I was disgusting and just feeling terrible about myself and swearing I wouldn't do it again."

The images were shared around her school without her consent, she said.

Once her school knew what was going on, it made her "write a reflective 10-page essay on why I'd done what I did and why I wouldn't do it again".

Simon Bailey is the chair of Embrace, Child Victims of Crime and took the national lead on child sex abuse before he retired as Norfolk's chief constable in 2021.

He said: "I would like to think that victim-blaming in the case of Roxy is now a thing of the past.

"School safeguarding leads and head teachers are routinely having to deal with similar cases to that of Roxy - the guidance to schools has changed significantly in the last few years and it is clear that children in these circumstances should be being supported."

Gay Longworth said she is really proud of Roxy today, but wishes she had never had to go through it all

Possessing and sharing indecent images of children are serious criminal offences.

The incident was never reported to the police.

Ms Longworth began self-harming, stopped sleeping, started hearing voices and ended up in hospital.

"Trying to keep this a secret from my parents got very close to killing me - it just shows what a tragedy it would have been if this thing had been the end," she said.

Her mother Gay Longworth said: "From our example, it goes really, really badly wrong and we're nine years in, so it goes on for a long time."

She said she did not realise the intense pressure her daughter had been under until they wrote a book together

A specialist therapist joins parents in the new Embrace, Child Victims of Crime online group.

It already has a long waiting list.

Mr Bailey added that the sexual abuse of a child could have a life-long impact on a family.

"Knowing your child has been sexually abused is devastating, parents struggle to cope and understand how to deal with the trauma," he said.

"Embrace, You are Enough peer support groups have been designed to help parents deal with the impact of their child's trauma, and to help them learn that they are not alone."

Ms Longworth and her mother only began talking openly about what happened to her - and its impact on the family - during the Covid-19 pandemic.

They went on to write a book to help others in the same situation and Ms Longworth became an ambassador for the NSPCC.

Mr Spiegel said: "It's been an amazing thing to see someone go from the absolutely depths of despondency, in total, total crisis, to seeing her become a champion and a campaigner - it's incredibly moving."