Mother's fight for justice after romance fraud

Lisa Lailey was duped out of thousands of pounds and ended up not seeing her own children for years

James Starr was convincing. He convinced Lisa Lailey he was a US marine, that he was going to marry her and they would start a new life in America. She even bought a wedding dress, sold her car and packed up her belongings. But not only was he convincing, he was also a liar.

Starr was jailed for two years in January after admitting controlling and coercive behaviour and fraud over the course of their five-year relationship.

Ms Lailey wants to share her story to stop Starr, who also tricked her into giving him more than £40,000, from hurting anyone else.

"I want to raise awareness of how damaging coercive control is because the damage psychologically is horrific," Ms Lailey said.

Ms Lailey, a 51-year-old artist from Yeovil, first met Starr in 2015 while walking her dog and they soon became friends.

She said he went by the name of James Starrcliano and told her that he was a US Marine stationed at a local military base, working in bomb disposal.

He often spoke to other military people when they were out, so she never had any doubts that was what he did for a living.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, help is available at BBC Action Line.

One of the first incidences of fraud she recalls, was taking him up on the offer of selling her paintings to colleagues at military bases around the country.

Starr asked her to cover his travel expenses but she later suspected the whole thing was a scam, when he failed to sell any.

When she confronted him about it, he told her the reason was that everyone had said her work simply wasn't very good.

Afterwards, Ms Lailey said they didn't have any contact for a few weeks, and then Starr got back in touch to say he had missed her friendship, and she had his. Then she said they started dating.

Ms Lailey said: "I felt like he was my soulmate. I've never felt like that with anyone else.

"I think the time when we were in a friendship, he'd learnt everything he could about me, so he knew what I'd be attracted to, the values that were important to me.

"And then he just portrayed that to me, so I fell deeply in love with him."

In May 2018, Starr moved in with her and her two teenage children.

Over the course of their five-year relationship, Ms Lailey said Starr became increasingly controlling and used lies and manipulation to drive her teenage children out of the home.

"It was all to get me to a complete point of isolation," she said.

"This is what's so hard to explain to someone who's not been in a controlling relationship.

"You don't understand it. You're not thinking with a logical brain anymore.

"I was in survival mode. I was always trying to de-escalate the situation, and that's how I didn't see my daughter for two-and-a-half years."

Ms Lailey said she met Starr while out dog walking in 2015 and had thought he was her soulmate

Ms Lailey also spoke about the financial manipulation.

She said Starr regularly asked her for money to pay for things like visas for their supposed move to the US.

"I felt like I was financially supporting us until we got there (to America) and then it was going to be complete reversal, and he would be taking care of me," Ms Lailey added.

By the end of the relationship, Ms Lailey was in financial ruin and could not even afford to eat.

She had packed up her house, sold her car and furniture - all on the fake promises of marriage and a new life in the US.

Ms Lailey said she ended the relationship in April 2021 because the abuse became so severe.

"I was having panic attacks nearly every single day."

She said he would sit her on a kitchen chair and shout at her from six in the evening, until six in the morning.

"He messed with how I perceived things," she said.

"He never physically hit me, but at times I believed he would kill me, because of the level he would get to."

Ms Lailey said she also came to a point where she was so desperate to see her daughter that she secretly got in touch with her.

Not long after, Ms Lailey started looking up information about Starr online.

She said all the pennies dropped when she found the same photo Starr had in his wallet of his marine buddies on the internet.

She instantly knew his job was fake and called the police.

Ms Lailey said she ended the relationship with Starr many times, but he would always apologise and work his way back

Ms Lailey said trying to get justice felt like an uphill battle.

She claimed she had to formally ask for the evidence in her case to be reviewed to get Starr to court and almost gave up.

The process is known as a Victims' Right to Review and gives victims of crime a right to request a review of a police or Crown Prosecution Service decision not to prosecute.

Ms Lailey said: "I never envisaged I'd have such a battle to get justice."

She is also calling for police officers who attend domestic abuse cases to be trained in coercive control, as she feels let down by Avon and Somerset Police.

"When you've been gaslit by someone and you've gone through that, to then know the police aren't going to do anything. You then start thinking to yourself, well it can't be that bad. It must be just me," Ms Lailey said.

"There needs to be more support for victims when they speak out."

Avon and Somerset Police said in April 2021 a woman came to the force saying she had given money to a man in relationship.

At the time, investigating officers decided there was not enough evidence for an arrest. A few months later, further conversations with the woman led to more information and a criminal investigation was launched.

"Financial and international enquiries were carried out over several months to reveal his true identity and helped us to prove Starr had been repeatedly lying to the victim in order to falsely gain her trust," a force spokesperson said.

"The officer in the case continued to provide regular updates to the victim and the evidence was referred to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) in summer 2023 for a charging decision."

Starr was jailed for two years after admitting controlling and coercive behaviour and fraud

A spokesperson for the Crown Prosecution Service said they were pleased to have "ultimately delivered justice for the victim and her family after she was subjected to four years of appalling abuse".

"Our initial decision not to charge James Starr was overturned by another CPS lawyer a month later under the Victims' Right to Review scheme, which empowers victims to request a review.

"These crimes have a devastating and long-term impact on victims, and we are committed to working with the police and others to bring perpetrators to justice," they added.

In January, Starr who is 57 and from Sherborne in Dorset, was sentenced at Taunton Crown Court to two years in prison for controlling and coercive behaviour and nine months for fraud, to run concurrently.

He was also given an indefinite restraining order to prohibit him from contacting Ms Lailey.

She said the conviction had meant "absolutely everything".

"I felt vindicated. I felt like acknowledgement that what he did was wrong," she added.

Speaking out

Ms Lailey said: "It has taken me so many years to tell people what he does. A part of me wanted to keep quiet because I have felt shame.

"The fact that I didn't have any contact with my daughter for two-and-a-half years has been so damaging.

"As a mum, you are supposed to protect your children.

"I know people will probably judge me for what happened, but ultimately that shaming by keeping quiet is just going to allow him to continue to do this, so I want people to know."

Ms Lailey is now back living with her adult children and is working on rebuilding her life.