Family 'begged for help' with son's violence

Lindsey Brown says her son, who has severe and complex needs, first became violent during the Covid pandemic.

The mother of a teenage boy with a severe and complex autistic spectrum disorder says there is not enough support for families experiencing violence from their own children.

Lindsey Brown, from Northumberland, first suffered abuse from her son during the Covid pandemic.

She said she and her husband had been physically assaulted, pinned to the floor, concussed and cut.

"We begged for help and nobody could help us," she said.

"We've had concussions, we've had split foreheads, I was pinned down on the floor and had handfuls of hair ripped out of my head. That's not my boy."

Ms Brown said her son's behaviour could change in a split second, going from the "cheeky happy boy that we know to just someone we don't know".

When it happened during the pandemic, she said the family could manage because he was smaller. But he is now a teenager.

"He's 6ft 1in - he's a young man," she said. "He doesn't know the power he holds."

'Would you arrest my son?'

The family said their son's behaviour could be affected by medication, tiredness or hunger.

After an episode in January during which the police were called, Ms Brown said officers had told her "this shouldn't be happening".

"I said, 'well, it's just our life, what are you going to do? Would you arrest my son? Because he doesn't have capacity'."

She said social services did contact the family after the police came and had offered more respite care within 24 hours, which she described as "amazing".

But Ms Brown said her family was struggling to get any more targeted support for the assaults and more help was needed for parents of children with complex needs who were experiencing child-to-parent violence.

"Even the tiny bit of support that we could get is taking a long time," she said.

Her son was offered a behavioural course but Ms Brown said their social worker had felt it was not appropriate for him as he did not have the mental capacity for it.

"Families tell me it needs to be talked about because there's no help, there's no support, we feel alone," she said.

"We feel like we can't talk about it because it's one of those taboos in society."

Independent social worker Al Coates said support through childhood is crucial

Al Coates, an independent social worker who lives in Cramlington, believes families of children with complex needs should have intensive, ongoing support that starts early.

"It needs to be services that span across a childhood," he said.

Parents may be able to contain or manage difficult behaviour with a nine-year-old "but then they become a 13-year-old and there are new challenges".

He believes parents should be given specific insights into why children are behaving the way they are.

"Give them the tools, resource them, support them, love them, so that they can navigate these really complicated things."

Specialist support

Northumberland County Council said it had a multi-agency Child to Parent Violence and Aggression steering group and offered a range of services for families.

But Ms Brown said the courses available in Northumberland were not appropriate for her son.

Different support is offered in different areas with some councils in the North East and Cumbria offering no specialist help for families experiencing child-to-parent violence or abuse.

Others, such as Durham County Council, are investing in specialist services.

The authority is jointly funding a team of "ambassadors" with Durham Police.

Claire Johnson, from the council, said there were many reasons why parents did not want to seek support or start conversations about what their lives are like.

"Please, don't sit there and try and manage these things yourself," she said. "There is help out there. It's very non-judgmental."

Claire Johnson, from Durham County Council, says they understand every family is different

Government guidance on violence perpetrated on parents by their children has not been updated for 10 years.

There is no legal definition and no authority is legally required to help.

The Home Office said it was "continuing to develop our specific approach to child-to-parent abuse".

It said it would be "taking on board the contributions to last year's consultation" and a plan was expected to be published "in the coming months".