Tell children about diagnosis says dad with cancer

Jonathan, pictured with wife Rebecca on their wedding day, said their children asked questions about his cancer at "unexpected moments"

A father-of-two with a rare form of cancer hopes his family's experience will help people start conversations with their children if they have had an incurable diagnosis.

Jonathan, 50, from Bishop's Stortford, Hertfordshire, has mucosal melanoma, a type of skin cancer which develops in the mucous membrane.

He said support from the Ruth Strauss Foundation (RSF), set up by England cricketer Andrew Strauss after his wife's death from lung cancer, had helped him and his wife Rebecca talk about the future with their son and daughter.

"We've been very open throughout, explaining as much as we know, but in a way that they can digest," he said.

The couple said that while their children, Charlie, 10, and Amelia, 13, could absorb the complex and upsetting information, it took them time to process it, and they asked questions at "unexpected moments".

Jonathan has been treated at the Royal Marsden and University College London Hospital

RSF said children and young people wanted to "know about their parents' health and what is going to happen in the future", and wanted to be included in discussions and, sometimes, decisions.

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Mucosal melanoma affects fewer than two men each year in the UK. The five-year survival rate is 14%.

During lockdown, Jonathan became aware of a small blemish near his groin.

It started to change in appearance so he visited his GP, where he was prescribed a fungal cream.

It did not improve and he was referred to his local hospital, where he was diagnosed.

Since then, tumours have been found on his chest, oesophagus, heart, lung, stomach wall, shoulder, left adrenal gland and, most recently, in the brain.

He has now started a new course of radiotherapy.

"We're in the third time where they've said to us 'Jonathan has less than 12 months to live'," said Rebecca, his wife.

"We know we've beaten the odds twice, so there is an element of having to keep believing that's not true."

The family met cricketer Andrew Strauss at a fundraising day for the Ruth Strauss Foundation at Lord's

RSF has worked with the family over the last two years, especially on how to discuss living with a stage four diagnosis with Charlie and Amelia.

"To tell them that kind of news when you don't really know the ins and outs and answer it yourself was a tough thing to do," said Rebecca.

The family hopes by sharing their story they can help others.

RSF urged any families in a similar situation to get in touch.

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