Returning to London 20 years after the 7/7 bombings

Ben Thwaites, from Crowthorne, was travelling on the Tube near Edgware Road when an explosion tore through a passing train

On 7 July 2005, four terrorists bombed London's transport network, killing 52 people and injuring hundreds more. Returning to Edgware Road Station 20 years later, Ben Thwaites from Berkshire remembers the attack in his own words.

The day started as all my days did then.

I got a train into London for work. I was on the tube coming into Edgware Road from Paddington.

There was another train leaving Edgware Road, coming towards us. That's the train the bomb was on.

Suddenly there was a smash as if we'd just clipped them, as if we'd hit each other.

Both trains stopped and the tunnel went into darkness.

Mohammad Sidique Khan detonated his device on a westbound Circle Line train as it left Edgware Road

People were screaming. You could see they were in terrible trouble.

The side and the bottom of their carriage had been torn open.

The first thing I was really aware of seeing was people trying to get into our carriage. They were fighting for their lives.

One man in particular had a jacket on but the sleeve was ripped, he was injured and there was blood on him. He was trying to pull the carriage doors open to get to us.

For a split second I didn't want him to get in. It's made me feel terrible for years.

But then, realising he needed help, we tried to prise the doors open.

As they opened, there was a sudden smell of the dust in the air from the roof - but it smelt almost like gunpowder.

There was a rushing sound, then silence. The people that were injured were hurt so badly they weren't even screaming.

And the people that were more seriously injured were already dead.

The bomb went off during the morning rush hour at 08:50 BST, killing six people

I suspect that we were all trapped down there for about 10 to 15 minutes, but it's very difficult to tell. Time does strange things when you're that stressed.

Almost immediately people pulled together and started helping, doing what they could.

I was asked to get ties and belts and things to use as tourniquets.

Eventually, I was sent to travel through the carriages to get help from the station.

'Go home'

As I came out of the station, I didn't know what to expect. Ambulances were there but they'd been to other bombings already, and so they were turning up without any equipment in them.

I tried to get to the emergency services to come back into the tunnel with me. But because they hadn't had clearance, they couldn't. They wouldn't come back.

So I gave my name and address to a policeman, and asked him: "What I should do?"

He just told me to go home.

I ended up walking to Paddington Station and got the last train out of London.

While the extent of the bombing was still unclear, Mr Thwaites said emergency services waited outside Edgware Road Station

I don't ever say exactly what I saw because I don't think it's fair putting those images into other people's heads.

But what it resulted in was days and days of trying to understand what had happened. And why.

In the aftermath, I would have flashbacks all the time. I still have the occasional... maybe nightmare is the best word for them.

After the bombing, I avoided London for a year. And when I eventually started to come back, the Tube was the hardest part.

Every now and again, someone will drop an item that will clang - and suddenly you're back 20 years ago, on the edge of reliving those moments.

But it's something that I make myself do because it's normal life. And I refuse to not live my life. I refuse to give in.

Though now living in Saudi Arabia, Mr Thwaites recently visited the capital, determined to take on the London Marathon

For me to be here now, it feels like yesterday, like all those events happened moments ago.

It looks almost exactly the same as it was that day. The shops that came to help, the hotel that gave up their foyer for people to be taken into and looked after.

It's almost as if time hasn't moved - and I'm quite proud of that because it shows that London didn't change.

I think the purpose of the bombings was to tear London apart.

But it did exactly the opposite.

If you have been affected by any of the details in this article, help and support is available at BBC Action Line.