'I had no choice but to flee my controlling partner'

A law firm survey found more than a third of people did not know coercive control was a crime

A woman has told how she was forced to flee her home and change her name to escape abuse by a controlling ex-boyfriend amid fresh calls for more awareness of an "invisible, secret crime".

The woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, was forced to move across the country to Greater Manchester to get away from her partner after his behaviour turned violent.

She said she did not realise coercive control of this nature was an offence and it never occurred to her to report his actions to police.

She has told her story amid calls for more awareness of the crime following the death of Kiena Dawes, a 23-year-old Lancashire mother who took her own life after years of abuse by her fiancee.

Ryan Wellings was jailed for more than six years after being found guilty of assault and coercive and controlling behaviour earlier this month after Miss Dawes death in July.

At the trial, Judge Robert Altham said he had "disparaged her appearance, said her dead father would be ashamed of her, that she was fat and ugly and incompetent at her work".

Kiena Dawes, a mother-of-three, died in 2022 aged 23

The number of coercive control offences recorded by police across England and Wales has risen in the last two years to more than 45,000 in 2024, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

It was made an offence at the end of 2015, and the ONS said the recent increase could be due to improvements in police recognising cases and using the new law.

The woman told the BBC her partner had "played with her mind", told her she was a "worthless person" and that "nobody else would ever want to go out with me".

"He had worn me down so much that I believed him," she said.

It was part of a pattern of controlling behaviour, including checking on her through phone calls, turning up in person, telling her what she could and could not wear, and on occasions even locking her in the house.

Coercive control has been described as an "invisible, secret crime"

To the rest of the world he seemed like the perfect boyfriend, she said, but behind closed doors "he turned into something else".

She said the relationship ended one Christmas after "he pushed me and I fell backwards into our bathroom and smashed my head and that's when he started kicking me".

Her best friend hired a van and helped her pack in a two-hour window when they knew her partner would be out, before driving away to leave her house and most of her possessions.

"When I look back, what I see is that he put a noose around my neck and then as the weeks went by he slowly, slowly, slowly tightened the noose," she said.

She described the coercive behaviour as an "invisible, very secret crime".

"I think there are too many women - and men as well - that suffer in silence," she added.

Despite losing her home, she said she believed there was hope for those trying to escape as she did, adding: "I got my freedom back".

'Suffer in silence'

James Maguire, a solicitor for Maguire Family Law, said the Manchester-based practice had worked an increasing number of clients that were either victims of coercive control, or perpetrators.

"I see a staggering amount of cases where people are spying," he said.

"Sometimes it will be the home security cameras and listening devices but sometimes they've purposely installed trackers on cars.

"The legal process can only help so far. The police can do what they can do in terms of their powers, and the same for a family law solicitor, but sometimes my clients are broken from this."

His firm held a nationwide survey of 2,000 people that found more than a third of people did not know coercive control was a crime.

Manchester charity Talk, Listen, Change offers relationship counselling and supports victims of domestic abuse but also works with the perpetrators of coercive control.

The charity's Anna Callaghan said the help can take a long time to bear fruit, but results do come.

"We absolutely see lightbulb moments from people where they change their thoughts and feelings and their attitudes towards their partner or ex-partner and really start to understand the impact their behaviour has had on those around them," she said.

She described the lack of awareness that coercive control is a crime as "really concerning" and said the organisation wants people to know there is help and support out there.