BBC Homepage
  • Skip to content
  • Accessibility Help
  • Your account
  • Notifications
  • Home
  • News
  • Sport
  • Weather
  • iPlayer
  • Sounds
  • Bitesize
  • CBBC
  • CBeebies
  • Food
  • More menu
More menu
Search BBC
  • Home
  • News
  • Sport
  • Weather
  • iPlayer
  • Sounds
  • Bitesize
  • CBBC
  • CBeebies
  • Food
Close menu
BBC News
Menu
  • Home
  • InDepth
  • Israel-Gaza war
  • War in Ukraine
  • Climate
  • UK
  • World
  • Business
  • Politics
  • Culture
More
  • Tech
  • Science
  • Health
  • Family & Education
  • In Pictures
  • Newsbeat
  • BBC Verify
  • Disability
  • BBC Trending

'My boyfriend dumped me but how do I tell my cat?'

  • Published
    14 January 2020
Share page
About sharing
Abby GovindanImage source, Abby Govindan
Image caption,

Abby Govindan and her cat Anjali

ByDhruti Shah
BBC News

How do you tell your pet that you've broken up with your partner and they'll never get to snuggle them again?

When Abby Govindan, 22, from Houston, Texas, got dumped by her boyfriend, one of her biggest concerns was how to tell her cat that the guy they had both adored had left for good.

The US-based comedian and writer lamented to Twitter: "How do I explain to my cat, who loved my boyfriend more than anything in the world, that he is never coming over again ever"?

And with 250,000 likes and nearly 13,000 retweets, her plea clearly resonated.

She told the BBC she was shocked by how many people got in touch - with many more sending her private messages of support.

"I got broken up with and so a few minutes later I tweeted the first thoughts in my head. People were really nice but I just didn't expect the response."

This X post cannot be displayed in your browser. Please enable Javascript or try a different browser.View original content on X
The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites.
Skip X post by Abby Govindan

Allow X content?

This article contains content provided by X. We ask for your permission before anything is loaded, as they may be using cookies and other technologies. You may want to read X’s cookie policy, external and privacy policy, external before accepting. To view this content choose ‘accept and continue’.

The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites.
End of X post by Abby Govindan

Abby added: "I'm actually a dog person but I'd had my cat Anjali for just over a year. She was a rescue and provides me with emotional support.

"But it was my ex-partner - whom I had been with for seven months - who taught me how to 'speak cat' - they understood each other on an intimate level and she adored him."

Abby said that Anjali, 12, would perk her ears up and run to the door whenever she heard the sound of Abby's former partner locking his car when he came over.

"I just wish I could explain to her what's going on. I think she knows something is different as when I came home after the break up she was far more affectionate with me than she usually is.

Abby said when she first got Anjali, the feline would suffer from separation anxiety and would wake her up in the middle of the night to check she was still there, so she was concerned about how the relationship break up would affect the pair of them.

"I can see her trying to figure out what's going on. She's coming over to check on me when I cry. She's normally a bit of a diva but she's being really nice."

Amy Loyd from Tennessee, US, was among those who responded , externalon Twitter. She told Abby: "When my ex husband left me, my dog went into a serious depression. I got another doggie to keep her company. Not totally convinced that it helped but I think it did change her mental focus. Now they're besties."

Dogs get lovesick too

She told the BBC that Abby's request made her think carefully about what had happened to her Boston Terrier Lily when their family dynamics changed.

"Lily is a rescue and has been with us for 12 years. I got her when my son was three and I was a single mum.

"When I first met my ex-husband in 2010, she fell in love with him too. He knew how to pet her in just the right way."

However when her former partner left after two years of marriage, Lily was also left heartbroken.

"I don't think she realised quite what was happening at first. She wouldn't eat; she wasn't excited to see people - she was lovesick.

Amy Loyd with Lily and LondonImage source, Amy Loyd
Image caption,

Amy Loyd says her dogs Lily and London help her emotionally

Presentational white space

Amy said she sat down with Lily and would tell her 'it's not your fault' but of course had no idea how much of this her dog could actually understand.

She later went and got another rescue - London - and while the two initially took a while to trust each other, now they spend all their time together.

Amy says she is convinced that her dogs helped her move on from the relationship too.

"I needed loyalty after my husband left me for somebody else. These two give me and my son the love and loyalty we deserve."

This X post cannot be displayed in your browser. Please enable Javascript or try a different browser.View original content on X
The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites.
Skip X post 2 by Brittany Littleton

Allow X content?

This article contains content provided by X. We ask for your permission before anything is loaded, as they may be using cookies and other technologies. You may want to read X’s cookie policy, external and privacy policy, external before accepting. To view this content choose ‘accept and continue’.

The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites.
End of X post 2 by Brittany Littleton
  • Puppy with extra tail on his head rescued

  • Why this woman hates to hear about 'big bad wolf'

  • Dogs' eyes evolve to appeal to humans

But what should you do when it comes to breaking up when pets are involved?

Elaine Henley is from the Association of Pet Behaviour Counsellors (APBC) and is a clinical animal behaviourist in Glasgow in the UK.

She says it's important to recognise that pets will be able to pick up on behaviours and emotional clues being emitted by the couples involved.

"If there is a lot of acrimony in the home - perhaps people arguing, or a lot of upset, then the creatures will pick up the emotions but just not be able to fully understand the reasons why," she said. "It'll be like small children wondering what's happening when their caregivers break up. They want to know what is making mum and dad so unhappy?"

She said this could lead to them reacting and playing out - there might be unexpected aggression, over eating, pacing around and anxiety.

Elaine Henley with parrotImage source, Elaine Henley
Image caption,

Elaine Henley and Roy, a rescue parrot who still grieves for his former owner

Presentational white space

She suggested to consider gradually introducing the fact that one caregiver will no longer be in the animal's life but admitted that's not always easy.

What are emotional support animals?

Henley said she was unsurprised that Abby's cat was paying her more attention and said: "Pets see the subtleties in your body language and pick up on the pheromones you are giving out."

She added: "We may no longer like the ex but to that animal, that person seemed nice and safe and loving - so they will feel that loss. They will need reassurance that you aren't planning to go anywhere and if they are being spoken to in a calm manner, that would help."

But what happens now?

Well back in the US, Abby says she will allow her and Anjali time and space to grieve. Her favourite response to her question about how to let Anjali know what's going on?

"My friend messaged me, saying I should tell her: 'Very, very gently'."

Top stories

  • 'The bombing has been insane': Palestinians scramble to flee Israeli assault on Gaza City

    • Published
      1 hour ago
  • Bowen: UN commission report on genocide is blunt indictment of Israel's actions in Gaza

    • Published
      9 hours ago
  • Live. 

    'One of the lions has passed': Hollywood remembers Robert Redford as he dies aged 89

    • 11505 viewing12k viewing

More to explore

  • Robert Redford: The enthralling star whose 'aura' lit up Hollywood

    Robert Redford is seen in his 20s. He is smiling radiantly and looking off to the left.
  • 'The bombing has been insane': Palestinians scramble to flee Israeli assault on Gaza City

    A man with a bandaged hand steers the handlebars of a bicycle while two small children lie on the front bars and seat. Some bags hang from the bike's handlebars as they journey in the night, with a bright light shining on to them.
  • Bowen: UN commission report on genocide is blunt indictment of Israel's actions in Gaza

    Women cry as they mourn the death of a loved one killed during overnight Israeli bombardment on June 12, 2025, at Al-Shifa hospital in Gaza City, amid the ongoing war between Israel and the Palestinian Hamas militant group.
  • Trump's state visit is mired with potential pitfalls despite careful planning

    A treated image showing Sir Keir and King Charles as smaller figures walking and to the right a larger image of President Trump smiling
  • How long can the UK afford the pension triple lock?

    A medium close up of Glenys in a ballet studio. She is smiling wearing a black t-shirt with the polished wooden floor and a large mirror of the studio in soft focus in the background.
  • Mason: Reform UK amplifies jitters for Labour and Conservatives

    A composite image shows (left to right) Keir Starmer, a grey-haired man in a black jacket and black tie speaks in front of a red backdrop. Kemi Badenoch, a woman with dark braids tied back from her face speaks in front of a union jack. Nigel Farage, a man with grey hair and a purple striped tie speaks in front of a turquoise backdrop.
  • These teens turned their rooms into tech-free zones. This was the result

    A teenage boy stands infront of door with the sign 'tech free zone' attached. He looks unhappy and is pointing downwards with his thumb.
  • Mark Ronson on being a night person - and Lady Gaga trashing his car

    Portrait of Mark Ronson, wearing a brown jacket, green shirt and dark glasses in front of an orange backdrop
  • Why now is time to declutter and four ways to get started

    A white woman  sitting on the floor of her bedroom and sorting out the clothes in the wardrobe
loading elsewhere stories

Most read

  1. 1

    King at Duchess of Kent's funeral but ill Queen did not attend

  2. 2

    Teacher's fears over Southport killer met with 'red tape'

  3. 3

    First legal challenge lodged against 'one in, one out' migrant return deal

  4. 4

    Judge dismisses terrorism charges against Luigi Mangione

  5. 5

    'The bombing has been insane': Palestinians scramble to flee Israeli assault on Gaza City

  6. 6

    How long can the UK afford the pension triple lock?

  7. 7

    PM orders investigation into MI5 over false evidence

  8. 8

    Former Tory minister Maria Caulfield defects to Reform

  9. 9

    Triathlete ready to face life with no limbs after sepsis

  10. 10

    Inside the century-old building standing above 400,000 gold bars

BBC News Services

  • On your mobile
  • On smart speakers
  • Get news alerts
  • Contact BBC News

Best of the BBC

  • Rob and Rylan embark on their own passage to India

    • Attribution
      iPlayer
    Rob & Rylan's Passage to India
  • What drives young women to risk it all in the MMA cage?

    • Attribution
      iPlayer
    Girl Fight
  • The life of Gordon Welchman, a WW2 codebreaking hero

    • Attribution
      iPlayer
    Bletchley Park: Codebreaking's Forgotten Genius
  • A night of frighteningly great film music

    • Attribution
      iPlayer
    BBC Proms
  • Home
  • News
  • Sport
  • Weather
  • iPlayer
  • Sounds
  • Bitesize
  • CBBC
  • CBeebies
  • Food
  • Terms of Use
  • About the BBC
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookies
  • Accessibility Help
  • Parental Guidance
  • Contact the BBC
  • Make an editorial complaint
  • BBC emails for you

Copyright © 2025 BBC. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read about our approach to external linking.