Hillsborough: Mum who lost two girls 'envies' peers with grandkids

Jenni Hicks said years of representing the families in their campaign for justice meant she could not deal with her own loss

A mother whose two daughters died in the Hillsborough disaster has spoken of how she feels "envious" of friends who are at the stage in life where they have grandchildren.

Speaking ahead of the 35th anniversary of the 1989 disaster on Monday, Jenni Hicks said years of campaigning for justice meant she could not deal with her own loss.

Sarah, 19, and Victoria Hicks, 15, were among 97 football fans who died as a result of the crush at Sheffield Wednesday's stadium.

The teenagers had attended the match with their mother and father, Trevor.

A few years later the couple's marriage ended, not surviving the aftermath of the disaster.

Ms Hicks said: "Because Trevor and I went to that match as a family, we drove back as a couple, and now that couple doesn't exist, so that family no longer exists."

She told BBC Radio Merseyside: "I'm at the stage of life now where I probably would have been a grandma and I watch my peers with their grandchildren and they tell me how wonderful it is, and this is going to sound awful but I'm really envious.

"That's where I should be in life and I'm on the periphery of all of that. All those expectations are there that one day, if life had gone how it usually does, I would have been a grandma now and my family would have grown instead of diminishing."

Victoria and Sarah Hicks died in the UK's worst sporting disaster

"It's only just now, and I still feel slightly guilty, that I can talk about Sarah and Vicki without saying 'alongside 95 other people'.

In the days following the disaster, police officers were told to put the blame on "drunken, ticketless Liverpool supporters".

However, a jury inquest in 2016 found their deaths were caused unlawfully by a series of failures by police, the ambulance service and defects in the stadium.

Ms Hicks said: "What helped with that, we were all strong, the city stayed strong, we all stayed together, Evertonians and Liverpudlians.

"And of course we finally got there 26 years on and I think that delay, that prevents you dealing properly with your loss."

In 2019 Hillsborough match commander David Duckenfield was found not guilty of the gross negligence manslaughter of the fans.

While in 2021 two retired police officers and an ex-solicitor who were accused of altering police statements after the disaster were acquitted.

Ninety-seven Liverpool fans died as a result of the disaster on 15 April 1989

Ms Hicks said she finally had the opportunity to consider her own personal loss after the trials, in which she had to "wear a suit of armour to fight for the truth".

"You could finally then deal with your grief, with your losses," she said.

"I'm finding since the trial finished in 2019 and 2021... I can finally think about me.

"I was vice chair of the [Hillsborough Family Support Group] so when I went into meetings with the powerful along with other families, because I was there representing families, I wasn't dealing with my own stuff, I was dealing with it for everybody.

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"It's almost like 'oh you're being selfish, you're dealing with your own stuff' and I'm finally, after 35 years, coming to terms with it.

"That's such a move forward for me, to say look it's OK just to talk about Sarah and Vicki."

Hillsborough remains the worst disaster in British sporting history

Ms Hicks released a book in 2022 titled One Day in April so people could know more about her daughters and celebrate their lives.

She said her daughters would be proud of the fact that she was "still standing" after their loss, and she would not have been able to cope without the people who supported her.

"I do think it's because of the support, all the people I've had around me at various times," she said.

"I'm finding that at the right time the right people seem to turn up, I call them my earth angels."