Bereaved dads offered extra support after baby loss

Charlie lost his twin daughters 19 weeks into pregnancy

Bereaved dads and partners are being offered extra support by a baby loss charity.

Towards Tomorrow Together is holding its first wellbeing "day in nature", aimed at fathers and non-birthing partners who may have felt they had to "be strong" for the mothers.

Charlie Gough from Somerset lost his twin daughters Mia and Clara at 19 weeks into pregnancy, in 2015.

"That bereavement, it lives with you every day," he said.

"You can bottle it up as much as you like - and I have done - but it comes out, at some point,"

The Bridgwater charity said it hoped the days in the Blackdown Hills will reduce isolation by providing a supportive environment with others who have been through similar things.

Mr Gough, from Taunton, thinks support for dads and partners is now better than it was in 2015, but more improvements are needed.

At the time he and wife, Kate, were given the use of a bereavement suite at the hospital in London where they were being cared for.

But it had a single hospital bed for his wife, while he was given a rubber mattress on the floor.

Mia and Clara's ashes were planted under this cherry tree

Because the couple wanted to be close to each other, they ended up both sleeping on rubber mattresses on the floor.

Mr Gough also said his employer at the time didn't see their loss as a bereavement and he was not given any compassionate leave.

'You've got to grieve yourself'

He became a trustee of Towards Tomorrow Together because of his experiences.

Mr Gough said talking to others is how he eventually turned a corner.

"We had counselling and that really helped. Actually being more aware of my mental health really helped. And talking to other dads, on private Facebook groups where there's support available, really helped.

"Don't feel that everything is on you to deal with because it's not.

"As a partner you can't have that level of responsibility, you've got to grieve yourself."

Mel Scott, founder of Towards Tomorrow Together, said it has taken them time to work out the right approach to supporting dads.

"There's an expectation that as a dad you're the 'strong' one in the relationship, you're the person that needs to be there for the mum," she said.

"It's not accepted that it's ok for you to break down, for you to need support."

She hopes the new wellbeing days will allow dads and partners to "connect with each other, connect with themselves and connect practically by doing tasks and spending time out in nature."

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