'All my friends have died' - breaking the cycle of loneliness
- Published
Helene Turner and Betty Harper tell of the bond they've formed through the Befriending scheme
"All my friends have died round me, all the ones I worked with. I feel like I'm the last man standing."
Helene Turner is 84. She lives alone in her house in Dunmurry, County Antrim, and she sometimes feels very alone.
Every Tuesday afternoon, Betty Harper comes to visit. She's a volunteer with the South Eastern Health and Social Care Trust's Befriending service.
"The two of us sit here and gabble and put the world to rights," explains Helene.
Helene Turner says Betty Harper has become a good friend
"It's companionship, it's someone to chat to other than my family.
"We talk about everything under the sun, what's going on in the world and what we should do about it. Betty listens and I talk.
"She's very kind and very compassionate, which means a lot. I wish there was more like her."
Over the past few weeks, Helene has felt the loneliness more acutely because her dog, Darcy, died.
Betty's visits have provided the company she's been missing.
"There are days when I'm lonely. I lost my wee dog, Darcy, last Sunday and you get depressed at times but you have to just pull yourself together," she says.
Loneliness can have an effect on the health and quality of life of older people
"It's harder to be on your own, especially if all of your friends have died round you. We used to have a Burns Night here every year and I used to have more than 20 here.
"Now we're down to about four or five left for Burns supper. You miss that."
'Doing something good'
Although the visits began because Betty volunteered to spend time with an elderly person, the two have developed a deep friendship.
"We've really bonded. I listen mostly," says Betty.
"She's a very lonely woman, she doesn't have her family coming in every day.
"It's important for me to think that I'm doing something good for Helene and we like each other and we get on well."
The South Eastern Trust runs one of many schemes across Northern Ireland aimed at breaking the cycle of loneliness and isolation among our elderly people.
Jason White, the assistant director of wellbeing at the trust, says: "We have an aging population - over half of all 75-year-olds live on their own and many don't have the same networks as they once did, in terms of friends and family."
Volunteer Betty says Helene has become a good friend and a part of her life
It is also hoped that by providing that companionship with a one-to-one visit, elderly people are able to stay in their own homes for longer.
"It's been estimated that a lonely older person's health is impacted to the same degree as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, which is quite stark but we do know that a befriender can make a big difference to their quality of life," says Jason.
It's not just the elderly person who benefits from the scheme. Betty says she values the time she spends with Helene.
'Not only a companion - a friend'
"It's companionship for me too," she explains.
"I think of Helene being on her own, I am on my own too."
And Helene appreciates that Betty gives her time that they can spend together.
"She means an awful lot to me, she's part of my life.
"She's not only a companion - we've turned out to be good friends."
This year's BBC Northern Ireland Christmas Appeal is about loneliness. You can find out more, including the support that is available from local organisations, by visiting bbc.co.uk/niappeals
- Published15 October 2018
- Published11 February 2018
