Domestic abuse survivor urges others to seek police help early
- Published
BBC News' Aled Scourfield speaks to Cathy, whose identity is not being revealed
A survivor of domestic abuse says victims should seek help early before abusive behaviour escalates.
Cathy, a pensioner who lives in the Dyfed-Powys Police force area, said she experienced controlling behaviour and stalking before going to the police.
Cathy said that while her treatment from some officers was awful, on the whole it was very good.
The force has been criticised over domestic abuse failings which could leave victims at risk.
It said tackling domestic abuse was now a "priority" and new checks had been put in place to safeguard victims, as it launched a winter campaign against domestic abuse.
Cathy said the abuse she experienced at the hands of her ex-partner was "emotional and psychological".
"I was financially controlled and there was damage to my property. He broke into my home at night when I was asleep in bed on more than one occasion. I was gaslighted.
"He'd listen in at windows. He'd follow me and spy upon me. He'd turn up unannounced at a home or wherever I happened to be, even though I hadn't told him where I was going. There was a tracker on my vehicle.
"He was always in the shadows. I was brainwashed, coercively controlled and he was very angry. All this was exacerbated when I ended the relationship."
Cathy, whose identity the BBC is not revealing, eventually asked for help from Dyfed-Powys Police, but her experience was mixed.
Det Ch Insp Llyr Williams says it takes about 30 domestic abuse incidents before a victim has the confidence to seek help
"There were one or two or three officers who were awful in the way they treated me, but as a whole they were very good.
"They listened to me, they believed me and the crime was taken very seriously."
But Cathy said officers initially made some errors which could have affected her safety.
"However, over time they understood my wellbeing was most important and particularly the preservation of my life and they always came to my property or we met in unmarked police cars," she said.
"I was allowed into a police station via the back door. Parking there, instead of in full view. The officer in charge got people to understand that I needed to be spoken to softly."Cathy said the impact of the abuse was "everlasting" and had changed her behaviour and way of life.
"So I continue to have no routines. I can never have a routine, which he could latch on to.
"I'm secretive about everything I do, so I don't tell anybody.
"I scan, I constantly scan vehicles, the registration numbers for the type of vehicle, the people, and one of the hardest things is to stay living where I live because how can you move home without people knowing, especially when the perpetrator doesn't live that far."
Cathy wants victims to get help - whether that is from a charity or victim support group, or police, before behaviour escalates.
"What your gut is telling you is absolutely right. It's true, it's really true."
Domestic abuse can be described as controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, which can include sexual violence, perpetrated by a partner or ex-partner or by a family member or carer.
Figures from Dyfed-Powys Police show there were just over 1,000 incidents relating to domestic abuse in December 2022, an increase on the same month in 2021 and 2020.
Det Ch Insp Llyr Williams said: "We expect to have the same again, if not an increase in that demand this year.
"It takes around 30 occasions of domestic abuse for victims to have the confidence in phoning us and it is seen as an unreported crime.
"Our message is don't suffer in silence. Reach out for support. We are here to support victims.
"Domestic abuse and violence against women and young girls is a force priority and we will be robustly dealing with that."
If you have been affected by any issues raised in this article, help and support can be found at BBC Action Line.
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