'Gaming saved my life' - NI gold medallist Rose

Rose (centre) claimed gold for Northern Ireland in the eFootball Women category of the Commonwealth Esports Championships

When Coleraine's Emma Rose secured the gold medal at the inaugural Commonwealth Esports Championships, there was a release of emotion that she simply could not control.

It was something far more profound than mere joy at reaching the top of her discipline. For Rose, a transgender gamer who has battled mental health issues throughout her life, it was recognition of a journey that has taken her to some dark places, and the passion that has pulled her through.

"I bawled my eyes out on stage," Rose reflects.

"I gave a wee speech on stage about how important it is for me, for anyone who suffers from mental health, who feels they don't fit in or belong, just straight from the heart.

"For me there was just too much relying on it, I didn't have any option not to win. Being trans, promoting mental health and the esports scene in Northern Ireland, I was like 'I need to win this for all these things and that's the only thing I can do when I go out there'.

"I had tears streaming down my face, makeup everywhere and I just spoke from the heart. That's the most important thing about esports, the message should be that it's for everyone not just the top tier.

"Anyone can pick up a controller and play, it doesn't matter about anything to do with you: your gender, sexual orientation, physical attributes, nothing."

Rose received a bye in to the final having topped her qualifying group on her way to victory in Birmingham

For Rose, gaming has long represented a sanctuary from an unkind reality.

Before coming out as transgender it represented a place where she did not have to face any of the conflicts she felt may be awaiting her.

"For me, gaming literally saved my life," she says.

"It was that mental reset that let me go again to the next day."

The more reason Rose felt she had to hide from the outside world, the more engrossed in esports she became - with her skill level rising all the time.

With skill comes success, and with success comes notoriety and recognition. In many ways such an uplifting thing, but one that can open the door to a world of intensely personal online vitriol.

Rose knows that will come her way with every social post celebrating her success, but appreciates that her story can stand as a shining example to others who may be experiencing some of the hard times that she herself has been through.

"I've suffered with mental health issues my whole life. I have been to the darkest bottom of the barrel that you could imagine. I've had times where I thought I shouldn't be here and I've come out the other end because my family and friends supported me," she says.

"It's not hard for me to do this stuff and put myself out there. It's hard for me to read the comments that I almost induce on to myself by putting myself out here as a target.

"It's not hard as long as you have the right mindset of taking people's negative energy. At the end of the day, they're taking time out of their day to come and comment on you; someone they've never met, someone they know nothing about and probably never will meet in their life, just to be toxic.

"It's the one comment out of 30 that says 'thank you, you've inspired me', that makes all the rest worthwhile."

The tournament in Birmingham was the first Commonwealth esports competition

Rose claimed NI's solitary medal in the eFootball Women category in Birmingham, beating Wales in the final having received a bye in to the gold medal match after topping the group.

Although the Coleraine native still works full-time outside of gaming, there are aspirations to turn her passion in to a full-time profession inside what is a rapidly growing and increasingly lucrative industry.

The appeal, aside from a love of gaming, comes from the level playing field that esports presents. Rose's experience of the community is of one that celebrates each other's successes, which provides something of an antidote to the unwelcome attention she received from those outside esports circles in the aftermath of her win.

"We're all such good friends now that we have that bond, we're all happy for each other regardless because every woman in esports is doing it for the same reason: we love the games, we love the challenge and we want to level or even surpass the playing field," she says.

"It's anyone's game, it's not just for men. It's once you leave that [environment] that it turns toxic.

"There were a few posts that had to have the comments turned off because it was just too much.

"There were hundreds of negative comments especially about myself and the other transgender competitors, and you just had to turn them off because it was becoming viral for the wrong reasons.

"I don't like doing that because if you turn the comments off you miss people who want to help and reach out. So there was a lot of hate, a lot of toxicity but far outshone by the few messages of hope."