From the Ashes: Steven Finn's rise, fall and rise again
- Published
From the Ashes is a series of features and podcasts which dig deeper into tales of pain, despair and sometimes triumph in cricket's fiercest and most storied Test series.
Steven Finn knows more than most about the stellar highs and deep lows Ashes cricket can bring.
The pace bowler only played seven Ashes Tests but was involved in three series wins, one of them away from home. He went on two other tours of Australia: one that lasted just nine days and another that ended in the "public humiliation" - his words - of being sent home because he was "not selectable".
Finn, now 34, was 21 when he was part of the England team that famously triumphed down under in 2010-11 - still the last occasion the Ashes was won by either side away from home.
It was the first time he had ever visited Australia, and put him alongside the likes of Andrew Strauss, Alastair Cook, Kevin Pietersen, James Anderson and Graeme Swann in one of the greatest England teams ever sent from these shores.
Though England won the series 3-1, the intensity of Ashes cricket quickly made an impression.
"We got bowled out on the first day of the series in Brisbane and it felt like the stand was going to collapse on top of us in the dressing room because all the Australians were slamming their seats and stamping their feet above us," Finn tells BBC Sport.
Steven Finn took 14 wickets in three Tests in England's victorious 2010-11 Ashes series down under before being dropped
After three Tests, with the series poised at 1-1, Finn was the leading wicket-taker on either side. On Christmas Day in Melbourne, the day before the fourth Test and with his mum and sister having just arrived in Australia to watch, Finn was taken aside by captain Strauss and told he was being left out.
"I took myself to the toilet and cried for a little bit," he says. "It hadn't ever crossed my mind that I wouldn't be playing. Disappointment and rejection were emotions I hadn't really had to encounter before."
Finn struggled to feel "immersed" in England's crushing victories in the fourth and fifth Tests. Worse was to follow between Ashes series, in a moment that would even change the laws of the game.
Finn, like his hero Glenn McGrath, got close to the stumps in his delivery stride, often disturbing the bails at the non-striker's end.
In a Test against South Africa at Headingley in the summer of 2012, Proteas captain Graeme Smith was batting when Finn did just that. Perhaps in an act of gamesmanship, Smith complained that he was being distracted.
In the aftermath, the law was changed so that any time a bowler broke the non-striker's stumps, it would be called no-ball. There were huge ramifications for Finn.
"It made me change my technique, run-up and the fundamentals of what made me a good bowler at the time," he says.
"I had to not jump in towards the stumps so much. It should have been so simple to fix, but it would need a few weeks to be able to do it. I was not afforded that luxury."
The following summer, Finn was dropped after the first Test of an Ashes series that England comfortably won 3-0. A change in the scheduling of Ashes series meant they immediately travelled to Australia the following winter to defend the urn.
"I knew there was something wrong underneath the surface," he says. "I was fighting battles with myself every day, to be the bowler I was 12 months previously, but also beating myself up for the changes that had made me a worse bowler.
"Still, the optimist in me was thinking that I was going find rhythm again. As I got on the plane, I believed I could make things better."
Straight away, it became apparent the rhythm was not going to come back. Finn struggled in the first warm-up game against a Western Australia XI in Perth and then against a Cricket Australia XI in Sydney.
"It sent triggers to my brain saying I had to practise harder than everyone else, to get to training early and do more drills," says Finn. "My mentality was the harder I worked the more likely I was to succeed."
As England spectacularly imploded in the face of terrifying pace from Mitchell Johnson - going down to a 5-0 clean sweep - Finn was enduring his own personal torture.
"There were times when I didn't want to bowl at batters in the nets, because I didn't know where it was going and I didn't want to hurt anyone," he says.
"All that I thought I was going to be, I was the complete opposite. I was embarrassed, ashamed and sad.
"By halfway through, I was mentally exhausted through not sleeping because I was crying all night."
Finn openly struggled on the 2013-14 tour of Australia
Remarkably, despite being the only player in the original squad not to play a Test, Finn was retained for the one-day leg of the tour, when Ashley Giles took over from Andy Flower as England coach.
It was Giles who made the decision to send Finn home, telling the press he was "not selectable".
"I couldn't be selected to play a game of cricket for England," says Finn. "Whether everyone needed to know that and for it to be back-page news, I'm not sure.
"I wish I'd asked for help sooner. I wish I hadn't put myself through three months of heartache and embarrassment because, even now 10 years later, I'm still unravelling things in my mind."
Still, Finn was already plotting his route back.
"I didn't know how long it would take, but I truly believed I would play for England again," he says.
With the support of Angus Fraser and Richard Johnson at Middlesex, Finn undertook hours of early morning net sessions at Lord's.
Less than three months after being sent home from Australia, Finn was playing County Championship cricket. By the end of the 2014 season, he was back in the England white-ball set-up. The following year was an Ashes summer and Finn had fought his way back into the Test squad.
"I was competing with Mark Wood for one spot and knew he was likely to be rested for the third Test at Edgbaston," says Finn.
"I was mentally preparing myself, very nervous and excited, wanting to get into the game.
"When we bowled first, I stood at the back of my mark and felt like I had been preparing for it for a little while. There were nerves, but I said to myself: 'Let yourself go and trust all of the hours of hard work that you have done to get to this point.'"
Eighteen months after his ordeal in Australia, it took Finn only six deliveries to announce his return to Ashes cricket. Some away swing found the outside edge of Steve Smith's bat, with Cook taking the catch at first slip. A pumped-up Finn celebrated with fists clenched and a guttural roar.
"It caused a big outpouring of emotion," says Finn. "I'm not really a very emotional person when I celebrate, but for some reason it all came out. Someone has framed the picture for me."
Steven Finn took 12 wickets at just 22.5 in the 2015 Ashes, which England won 3-2
Finn also cleaned up Australia captain Michael Clarke for figures of 2-38. When he batted, some of the Australians asked him if he was "going to go crying home", but his vengeance was near.
He ripped through the Aussie middle order for 6-79 in the second innings, putting England on the way to an eight-wicket win and 2-1 series lead.
"You have the crowd behind you," says Finn. "The noise carries you to the crease. It's one of the best feelings in sport, one of those things you chase as a player. You only get it a few times in your career. I remember that vividly.
"I went back to my room with the match ball and the man of the match medal. I remember sitting there and thinking 'wow, what a turnaround that has been' and feeling proud of myself for coming through that."
In the next Test at Trent Bridge, Finn watched from mid-off as Stuart Broad's legendary 8-15 sealed the urn.
"That one felt like a real Ashes win," he says. "It was the only one when I was on the pitch the moment we took the last wicket. Being out there, celebrating, walking off with the team and spotting my family in the crowd is my greatest memory.
"It's the most emotional I've ever seen my dad. It almost set me off on the spot."
Finn was an England regular for the next year, but injuries hampered him in the run-up to the 2017-18 Ashes in Australia. He had gone almost 12 months without playing a Test when he was added to the England squad as a replacement for Ben Stokes, who was unavailable after the incident outside a Bristol nightclub.
However, rather than having the chance to make amends for what happened on his previous Ashes tour down under, Finn suffered another twist of fate.
"I was batting, I bent over to pick up a ball from the side of the net and ended up in a heap on the ground," says Finn. "The second you do an injury like that, you know it's bad news.
"I had to have surgery on my knee and knee injuries have been annoying me since then."
Finn was never involved in another England squad.
"I'm very fortunate to have stood there on the podium and lifted the Ashes three times, however big or small part I played in the series," he says.
"I've lifted that urn and celebrated with my team-mates. There are a lot of players who haven't done that once, let alone three times. It's something I'm proud of.
"The bad times, you hope you have managed to learn enough from those to either help people when they are going through something similar, and help yourself with whatever you go on to do next in your life.
"They weren't pleasant at the time, but I'm grateful to have experienced those lows because it makes me very grateful for the good times I've had."
The men's Ashes begins on 16 June, with the multi-format women's Ashes getting under way six days later. BBC Sport will have comprehensive coverage across TV, radio and online of both series.