Mark O'Brien: Ex-Newport defender reveals PTSD and depression struggles

Mark O'Brien scored one of Newport's most famous goals to keep the club in the Football League in 2017

Former Newport County captain Mark O'Brien says he suffered from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of the heart issue which forced him to retire aged 27.

O'Brien's career came to a premature end in 2020.

He says he suffered mental health problems as he tried to come to terms with what happened.

"I remember not wanting to get out of bed," O'Brien said.

"[I remember] not wanting to walk up two flights of stairs to my apartment anymore, so I never left the apartment.

"I'd get told by the doctors 'you need to get out and walk' and I was saying 'nah, I'll go out tomorrow'.

"That's when it kind of hit me and I had to have the cardiac rehab people tell me that I was depressed. I never knew what depression was.

"I had health anxiety. I never knew what that was. They said 'Marc, you've got PTSD' - never knew what that was.

"All these different things were happening as well as dealing with retirement from football, basically losing my life, not being able to have the will to get out of bed, not having a single bit of fitness."

O'Brien first underwent heart surgery when he was 16 and says his career was always on borrowed time as a result.

As a teenager he opted to have a pigskin valve inserted, rather than a mechanical one, to pursue his dream of playing professional football.

O'Brien, who also played for Derby County, Motherwell and Luton Town, made more than 100 appearances for Newport after joining them in 2017.

He first suffered panic attacks as he waited for the operation which signalled the end of his playing career - then struggled during a lengthy stay in hospital which came in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic.

"I spent four weeks in hospital, no family or anything, walking up and down corridors building up my fitness," he told BBC Radio Wales Sport.

"I lost two stone, I came out low on confidence, low on everything, just completely wiped.

"There was so much on my plate that I just didn't know how to deal with it. I ended up developing really bad panic attacks where I'd wake up in the night shivering and physically getting sick over the side of my bed because I was scared that I was never going to wake up.

"If I had a panic attack in bed, I would sleep on my sofa for three weeks and if I had a panic attack on my sofa, I would sleep in bed for three weeks and wouldn't go into the living room.

"Everything was so new to me. I just couldn't understand it."

Mark O'Brien says Wayne Hatswell (left) is one of a number of past and present Newport colleagues who have helped him through

O'Brien credits ex-Newport boss Michael Flynn and assistant Wayne Hatswell, as well his former Exiles team-mates Matty Dolan and Mickey Demetriou, with helping him through his most difficult times.

O'Brien, now 29, is back at Newport in a player care role thanks in part, he says, to his decision to ask for help.

"I spoke with a counsellor and it was something I never knew I needed, it made me comfortable actually speaking about it," he said.

"To be in the role that I'm in now, I'm thankful to have gone through what I've gone through. It's given me a career - it's given me light at the end of the tunnel.

"I'm not saying I'm totally fixed and I never struggle, but I have struggled to [a point] where I can cope and I'm a lot more open. If I do have a bad day, I'll tell people - you're allowing someone else in and you're not in it on your own."

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