'Playing on the day dad died was my way of dealing with his loss'

Aaron McGowan (left) says Joe was not only his dad but also his best mate

"I knew the day was coming," says Aaron McGowan. "As a family, we'd been preparing for it for months. Things had got really bad for dad."

In the early hours of 26 September 2023, Northampton Town full-back McGowan lost his 55-year-old father Joe after a long illness.

Later that same day, McGowan was on the pitch captaining the Cobblers against Chelsea Under-21s in an EFL Trophy match at Sixfields Stadium.

Playing so soon after his father's death was his way of dealing with grief and loss.

"There's no right or wrong way to grieve," McGowan tells BBC Sport. "I decided to play. I'm so glad I did."

As McGowan's team Northampton prepare to host county rivals Kettering Town in the first round of the FA Cup on Saturday - a match that kicks off at 17:30 GMT and you can watch live on BBC Two - he opens up on how football has helped him cope with losing his "best mate".

"Dad used to travel from Liverpool to watch me play all over the country," adds the 27-year-old.

"Even when I was playing for Hamilton and Kilmarnock, he'd travel up to Scotland to watch.

"He came to more than 200 games but in the last year of his life he only managed one.

"He just didn't have the energy any more. That's when I knew it was all coming to an end."

Aaron McGowan (second right) celebrates Northampton Town's promotion to League One in May 2023

'I find solace sitting on dad's bench'

In a park in Kirkby, near Liverpool, is a bench with a plaque in memory of Joe, who was grandad to McGowan's baby daughter Amelie.

"He always used to stop for a rest on that bench while walking Barney, the family dog," adds McGowan, who is in his fourth season at Northampton.

"On my day off, I find solace sitting there with my daughter."

McGowan's partner Charl gave birth to Amelie at the start of the 2022-23 season, a campaign which ended in promotion to League One for Northampton after a win at Tranmere.

It was a bitter-sweet day for the defender, who had dreamed of celebrating at Prenton Park alongside his father.

"Tranmere isn't far from where he lived so the fact he wasn't able to make it, I knew he was in a bad way by then," says McGowan, who adds he is grateful for the precious few months Joe got to spend with Amelie.

"It makes me smile knowing that you had that time," wrote McGowan in an emotional post on social media soon after his father's death.

"Thank you for allowing me to have those memories Dad. They are something I will forever hold on to."

'We were living a nightmare'

McGowan's love of football stemmed from going to watch Liverpool games home and away with his dad from a young age.

"We're a family of Reds and he took me everywhere," he says. "We had a Liverpool season ticket together. We didn't talk about much else other than football."

At the age of 16, McGowan made his debut for Morecambe in League Two.

Joe was at the Globe Arena to witness his son's proud moment. He was also at Ibrox on 4 March 2020 when McGowan helped Hamilton Academical beat Rangers 1-0 in front of 48,000 fans in the Scottish Premiership.

"He came to all my matches. He just wanted to watch football," added McGowan.

It was while he was at Kilmarnock in 2021 that the family were given the devastating news that Joe had two years to live. He had already had a kidney transplant and survived a heart attack.

"We were living a nightmare," adds McGowan.

"It wasn't sudden. It was something that had been going on for a long time.

"Mentally it helped me prepare for what was going to happen but it was so hard seeing someone you love in so much pain."

Aaron was brought up by his father as a Liverpool supporter

'Dad would have told me to get on with it'

Around 01:30 on 26 September 2023, McGowan was woken by a phone call.

It was his sister with the news he had dreaded - his dad, best mate and biggest fan had passed away.

"He was such a funny character," McGowan says. "He was full of life and somebody who lit up a room. He was hard-working and old school in many ways. He'd have told me to get on with it."

And that is just what McGowan did.

Later that day, he played in Northampton's 2-2 draw with Chelsea Under-21s in the EFL Trophy.

"I'm quite good at remembering moments in games but that match feels like a blur," he recalls.

"Looking back, I can't believe I did it, but I knew I was the sort of person who could get through something like that.

"Before the game, I kept it to myself. A lot of my team-mates didn't have a clue what was going on until after the match.

"My dad spent the last five months of his life in hospital so when my team-mates talked about going to the zoo or going to the park with their little ones on days off, I'd spend hours in hospital visiting dad."

Joe is never too far from McGowan's thoughts and he knows his dad would love to have been in the crowd for Saturday's derby in front of the BBC cameras.

McGowan, who is currently sidelined with a hamstring injury, hopes by opening up about his loss, it will help anyone who is experiencing grief.

Asked what advice he would give someone who is grieving, McGowan adds: "I like to look at it like this: Dad gave me years of love, laughter and memories.

"I know I am so lucky I got that time with him."

If you, or someone you know, have been affected by any issues raised in this article, support and information is available at BBC Action Line

Aaron McGowan joined Northampton in July 2021