'We miss him' - Gary Speed Cup honours Wales great

Carol Speed meets Wales Under-16 players at the Gary Speed Cup, the tournament named in memory of her son

Carol Speed's voice trails off quietly as she pauses to gather her thoughts. It is 14 years since her son Gary, the former Wales manager and captain, took his own life. No amount of time makes these conversations easy.

The pain becomes less raw, but it does not disappear. The people we have lost stay with us in our thoughts and we talk about them to carry their memory.

Each experience of grief is unique, although there is comfort in sharing that depth of feeling.

Carol has had to process much of her grief in public because her son was Gary Speed, the much-loved former Premier League player who had a profound influence on Welsh football.

From street murals to songs on the terraces, Speed has been honoured in numerous ways since his death in 2011.

Now, the Football Association of Wales (FAW) has created a tournament in his name – the Cwpan Gary Speed, or Gary Speed Cup.

The first game of the international youth competition took place in Colwyn Bay, a short drive from Speed's childhood home in Flintshire.

"I can't believe that after 14 years, people still talk about him and the impact that he made," Carol says.

"It's a big honour for Gary, I'm very proud. People don't really talk about the football, they talk about the sort of person he was. He was lovely. We do miss him."

As a parent, it is those tributes to her son's character - rather than his achievements - that Carol most cherishes.

Amid the poignancy and occasional sombre moments on a sun-kissed evening in Colwyn Bay, there are smiles and laughter as Speed's friends and former team-mates share their memories of the man who many of them knew as 'Speedo'.

Among those gathered are ex-Wales captains Kevin Ratcliffe and Craig Bellamy, who is now the national team's head coach.

Some of Speed's former youth team-mates are here too, as is Cledwyn Ashford, who coached him as a schoolboy more than 50 years ago.

"It's a very emotional night. I remember the day we heard that Gary died. It broke my heart," Ashford says, tears filling his eyes.

"He was a special person. When I think back to that little boy of nine who played for me for Deeside Primary Schools, and showed his ability, not just as a footballer, but also as a person.

"We've got five players from the old 1980-81 schools team here with us. Three other people have left us from that team. So it's sad in that way, but it's a great night to remember them and also to celebrate the lives of those four lads, Gary included of course.

"Even at nine or 10 years old, you knew that in the future, he would prove to be a fine role model, and that of course proved the case. And that smile. You don't forget the smile. In fact, if you look at Carol, you see the smile."

Carol Speed (centre) with Wales manager Craig Bellamy (right) at the Gary Speed Cup

'I think about those feelings every day'

As Ashford walks over with Bellamy to pose for photographs with a group of local schoolchildren, Wales Under-16s players make their way on to the pitch to warm up before facing Japan in their first match of the Gary Speed Cup.

Their head coach is Adrian Harvie, for whom leading his team in a tournament held in someone's memory is particularly meaningful.

In September 2019, his daughter Emilia died of the rare Alexander disease, when she was just eight years old.

"I think about those feelings every day. So I'm living with that every day, like many other people are," Harvie says.

"I've always wanted to be someone who's not defined by my daughter's death, but defined by how I dealt with it and how I've come through that. It's still an ongoing, everyday battle that I'm winning.

"It's the same with many other people across the world that go through traumas, they deal with it differently.

"I suppose it's the same going back to the football with Gary. It's really beautiful that no-one will ever forget about him, the tournament will enhance that. So I'm privileged to be part of that."

Adrian Harvie (centre) was Wales Under-16s head coach at the Gary Speed Cup

Wales lose on penalties to Japan and, after beating Gibraltar, defeat against Northern Ireland means it is their final opponents who triumph in the inaugural Cwpan Gary Speed.

In a developmental competition like this, though, results are secondary.

"The tournament is first and foremost about Gary and making sure we put on a fitting tribute to such a wonderful human being," Harvie says.

"And then secondly it's about the players, making sure we perform well, so come the end of that camp, they've learned something, they've found it really challenging, but they've enjoyed it most importantly.

"So yeah, there will be bits that I'll reflect on regarding me, but that tournament is not about me, it's about Gary and his legacy."

Singing the anthem is always a special moment for Harvie, born in England but honorary Welsh.

The same is true of Carol Speed, who stands by the Wales dugout after meeting both sets of players and being given flowers, which she holds close to her as the anthems play.

Her son changed the course of Welsh football, and this tournament will carry his memory for years to come.

"It's remarkable that people are still remembering him, still doing things like this," Carol says.

"We obviously thought he was wonderful, but so did everybody else. We didn't realise that until after he'd passed.

"He's had a housing estate named after him, he's had a park named after him and now he's had a football tournament named after him. I'm very proud of him."

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