Adam Johnson: Nottingham Panthers needed 'courage' to return from tragedy, says Mike Caruso
- Published
Michael Caruso was among the Nottingham Panthers that first returned to the ice for the Adam Johnson memorial game against Manchester Storm
Defenceman Mike Caruso says "a lot of courage" was needed for the Nottingham Panthers to return to the ice following the death of team-mate Adam Johnson.
The 29-year-old died after his neck was cut by a skate playing against Sheffield Steelers in October.
Nottingham did not play a competitive game for a month after the tragedy, and have won one of three games since then.
"Anyone that tells you they aren't scared after witnessing something like that is lying," Caruso said.
"It been a bit of a tough process to get confidence back on the ice, going into those certain situations in the corner or with body contact on the line.
"There is no blueprint for something like this. First and foremost it was about getting us back together in the same room and having fun again and getting over that initial hump of getting back on the ice and not not being scared, basically.
"It's the best thing for us to to get back to work and try find the passion again with playing the sport that we love."
Caruso, 35, won Panthers' Most Valuable Player award in his first season with the Elite Ice Hockey League side last term.
The Canadian, who was drafted by NHL side Florida Panthers in 2008 and went on to play twice for the club, is among Nottingham's leadership group this season.
It is a role that he admits comes with "a lot of responsibility", and is one he has used to try to help team-mates deal with the loss of Johnson and come to terms with how it happened.
'Taking dangers for granted'
"With what happened, there have been a lot of eyes on the team, and from my team-mates looking to me on how to carry on," Caruso told BBC Radio Nottingham.
"I'm doing the best I can to provide a good example and the guys seem to be responding well to me, and I'm very thankful for that.
"It's the worst thing that has happened to any of us in our careers. It was a pretty traumatic experience, but we are doing our best to pick up the pieces and carry on and make a season out of it.
"What happened to Adam came out of the blue, but it does show people's true colours and we have a lot of really good people on this team who have leaned on each other and stepped up to the plate when they needed to and showed a lot of courage."
Caruso admits he found himself contemplating his future in the game after the on-ice incident that claimed Johnson's life.
"Each guy is different with the way we grieve and handle something like this," Caruso said.
"It was definitely strange [returning to action] at first - we throw ourselves so confidently into these physical altercations and battles on the ice and you took it for granted up until this point how dangerous it could really be.
"For myself - looking at my wife and daughter - it's something I still think about every day, every time I step on the ice.
"But I just try remind myself that I do love this game and I get a lot of joy out of it.
"My wife and I, and even my parents, discussed at length whether this was a risk I was willing to take going forward.
"At the end of the day I've been playing for 16 years and I love it and take great pride in it, so I decided to carry on."