We're almost there people. And that middle of the road mood music is still playing. That'll be the soundtrack to my nightmares tonight as I'm called to booth two by Jerome Valcke only to realise that I've forgotten to put on any pants.

We are into the business end of the election now as Turkmenistan need to be told at least seven times to be in booth two. Valcke is now telling delegates to be ready before he sends them to vote, like a fed-up attendant at the top of a water slide.

Yep, Jerome is ready to snap. Tonga are the latest to feel his wrath. "Yes, I see you" he snaps at their delegate. "And are you chewing Trinidad and Tobago?"

Valcke has got annoyed a couple of times now with delegates not doing what they're told. He's starting to remind me of the swimming teacher played by David Schneider in The Day Today, when he can't get his class of kids to do what he tells them. I reckon midway through the Ts he'll just give up and shout "Ok, free vote everyone. Free vote."

Bad news. Spain are in booth one, like England. Is that this election's booth of death?

Speaking of Scotland. Quite the coup this... Sean Connery narrating the opening sequence to BBC Scotland's Scottish Cup final coverage.

Big Tam is accompanied by another great Scottish voice - that of commentator Archie Macpherson - to introduce this year's battle to win the oldest competition in football.

Sportscene will be live from 13:00 BST on Saturday on BBC One Scotland and online.

The Scottish delegate is firing off a quick text. "Don't think I'll be home for tea, love. We're only up to Singapore."

So, apparently, if a two-third majority is not reached in this first round, the outcome will be decided in a second round that is decided by a simple majority. Erm... would it be too obvious to suggest they just skip straight to the round two approach?

Richard Conway
BBC Radio 5 live sports news correspondent

BBC understands there's optimism amongst Prince Ali's team the Jordanian can secure enough votes to take the Fifa presidential election into a second round.

Sky News sports correspondent Paul Kelso tweets:, external "New Caledonia voting. Met the man from New Caledonia. Nice chap. took him 28 hours to get here."

Image source, Getty Images

Surely there is a more technologically advanced way of deciding the matter than this? But then again Fifa are not the quickest when it comes to employing technology.

Cracks are starting to show in Jerome Valcke's calm demeanour. He's done a fine job of herding the delegates to their booths but first Libya and then Malaysia test his patience by dawdling. I think Fifa missed a trick not getting Terry Wogan in to read out the countries. We are up to the Ms.

As we trudge past the Ks and limp into the Ls in Zurich, we have some BBC football coverage news to bring you. England face Canada (Sat, 00:00 BST) in their final game before the Women's World Cup and you can follow the friendly live on the BBC Red Button, website, mobiles and app.

One delegate is biting his nails before heading to the booth to vote. He's feeling the tension. He's the only one.

Hang on; chaos! Iceland briefly don't know which booth they are going to! Jerome Valcke comes to the rescue by pointing them in the right direction. Crisis averted.

Amid this Fifa farrago, it should be noted that Scotland will face Qatar in a friendly next Thursday. The Gulf side also face Northern Ireland on Sunday and are based at St George's Park in Burton.

But should the welcome mat be rolled out to the visitors?, external

We are into the Gs. It would have been a lot easier to decide this with a penalty shoot-out.

First ball after tea, Brendan McCullum tries chipping one over mid-off, but only manages to give Mark Wood a dolly of a catch. Dangerman gone. New Zealand 123-4.

Follow live text of that match here

Voting booth 1 for ENGLAND.

Greg Dyke is in, behind the black curtain he goes. Will he have a late change of heart? Will he put his cross next to Joseph S Blatter's name?

Into the box he pops his slip. Well played lad, textbook. He seems happy with that.

Image source, AP

German newspaper Das Zeit have filed a story "Why Sepp Blatter deserves our support" on its website. It's completely blank, except for an invitation to click through to a second page of "Even more reasons to support Blatter". That's blank as well. The first comment at the bottom of the page complains: "There's nothing, all blank. Did you mean it?

Click here to "read" the piece, external

Image source, Getty Images

With the terrible bland music being played and the small group of suited men at each sterile, white, square booth, it looks like a beach bar imagined by George Orwell.

We've rocketed into the Cs. Chile, come on down!