What is it with mothers and them filling the loft with your old gear and continually ticking you off for not collecting it? Mine's the same. Why wouldn't you want 400 copies of Shoot magazine acting as ready-made insulation?

Back to the middle, where Dean Elgar pinches a single to Moeen Ali at mid-off. The spinner threw down the stumps, but was too slow. He's probably wondering where he can buy body armour in Durban in case De Villiers takes him to the cleaners.

AB is in good nick here, cracking Broad through the covers for four.

We're discussing your best and worst cricket memorabilia after Graeme Swann's Millennium Falcon woes.

SA 83-2 (Moeen 4-0-21-0)published at 28 overs

28 overs

Moeen Ali is given a twirl and AB De Villiers decides to attack England's premier spinner, dancing down the track and launching a straight six which comes down with snow on it. Huge.

Graeme Swann
Ex-England spinner on BBC Test Match Special

"Stuart Broad really seems to relish stepping up to the plate when James Anderson is missing from the attack. He's probably a bit glad because he can get some of the limelight. He's bowled beautifully well in this Test."

There's been some good fielding in this Test from both sides. Ben Stokes is the latest to impressively swoop on the ball like a seagull stealing a Cornish pasty and quickly release it in the manner of a fairground grabber machine. You know the ones I mean... the ones where you get a good grip and then it just lets go for no obvious reason. Grrr!

Stuart Broad returns to the attack and begins to get the type of reverse swing which has been lacking from overs. Just one from the over.

Graeme Smith
Ex-South Africa captain on BBC Test Match Special

"When I was involved with South Africa, we developed a crop of players who were part of a very successful unit: Amla, De Villiers, Du Plessis, Duminy, Morkel, Steyn. But some of the players who have come in, and some of the tactical decisions that have been made, have been found wanting."

Chris Woakes is landing the ball on a 50 pence piece. The problem is that he's struggling to get the kind of shape which will trouble the best batsmen on this slow pitch. Just one from a tidy over, but no wicket-taking threat.

Stephen: As mush as I like Chris Woakes, he's a one-day player not a Test cricketer. Vital player with the white ball though.

Francis Edwards: Do England now only pick players with all-rounder abilities but are average at their main job? Where are the quality specialists?

Then he does that! AB decides to tuck into Steven Finn and belts four through the covers. The type of shot which is his staple in ODI cricket.

Later in the over, he plays an exquisite cover drive to the boundary. Finn might need a breather after this over.

On the back of Graeme Swann's Millennium Falcon woes, how about we discuss your best and worst cricket memorabilia?

AB De Villiers times everything so sweetly. You see Chris Woakes busting a gut to get the ball down the other end at a decent lick, and AB just flicks it for a single. A supreme timer of the cricket ball. I imagine if he gets invited to a party at 8pm on a Saturday night, he arrives on the dot. Measured and classy.

Graeme Swann
Ex-England spinner on BBC Test Match Special

"England have bowled OK since tea but the pitch is very flat now the ball is 23 overs old and any normal swing has ceased to exist. There's a while before reverse swing comes into play and it looks like South Africa will have a nice easy period ahead with the bat."

Image source, Reuters

The stump microphone is turned up for this series - which I'm a big fan of - and I can hear one England fielder suggesting a change of deployment because 'he's not going to hit it there'. It must be weird as a batsman to hear people talking about you, knowing you are there. Wait until he leaves the room, lads.

Steven Finn is building up a nice head of steam as he gets one to shape into Dean Elgar round the wicket and it's only a couple of coats of paint from rocking back the off stick. The next ball almost shaves the batsman's armpits as he plays an extravagant leave next up.

Then the ball is over-pitched and Elgar drives four to bring up the fifty partnership.

A proper battle this.

Howard Horner: "I personally think Woakes is one of the unluckiest bowlers I've seen - always seems to bowl beautifully with hardly any reward."

There's a different aura around Chris Woakes now. Rather than looking like the shy, rosey-cheeked young pup, he's got a bit of snarl about him. When Jonny Bairstow dropped Hashim Amla off his bowling earlier, it was the first time I'd seen him get visibly angry on a cricket field. It's increasing his presence.

He's working Dean Elgar over outside off stump, but the batsman capitalises when he gets too straight and whips three off his pads and through mid-wicket.

Image source, Reuters

Steven Finn is operating round the wicket to the left-handed Dean Elgar, who is happy to watch the ball through to the keeper whenever possible.

England have three slips in place, plus a wideish fourth slip, but Elgar appears to have dropped anchor and hammered in the 'No fishing today' sign. He's very disciplined outside off stump.

Chris Woakes is very much at the embryonic stage of his Test career but five of his six dismissals so far have been caught. No caught behinds, no bowled and just one lbw. That has to improve - although he should have had Hashim Amla caught behind earlier. He bowls a decent over first up after lunch, beating the bat of Dean Elgar with a particularly good delivery. Tidy.