Neil Clark: Former Exeter Chiefs hooker reflects on brain damage from rugby
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Neil Clark: Former Exeter hooker reflects on brain damage diagnosis
"I don't want to forget who my kids are in 10 years time," says former Exeter hooker Neil Clark.
The 41-year-old was part of the Chiefs side which was promoted to the Premiership in 2010, but a neck injury curtailed his career eight years ago while he was playing for Oyannax in France.
Clark, who also had spells at Bristol and Bath in the top flight as well as Launceston in the Championship, has become one of a number of players to be diagnosed early onset dementia and probable chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) - a brain condition that can develop when the brain is subjected to numerous small blows, but only diagnosed after death.
The illness is likely to worsen with time and more and more rugby players have been found to have the symptoms of early onset dementia. England's World Cup-winning hooker Steve Thompson and former Wales player Alix Popham are two of a number of former stars to have been diagnosed with the illness at a similar age.
"I'm early 40's. It's not something you expect to happen at this age, especially not from running around a field with your friends and having a great time and making great memories," Clark told BBC South West.
"Rugby gave me some amazing highs, some amazing lows, some amazing friends, and I would never change that for the world. But did I ever anticipate having brain damage? No.
"Did I expect to have a shoulder repair, discs out if my neck, breaks in my face, damage to my knees, my ankles? Yes, I did. But brain damage? No."
'I knew something wasn't right but I didn't know what it was'
Neil Clark played 187 times and scored 14 tries for Exeter in two spells at Sandy Park
A number for former players, including Clark, are now in the process of a class action lawsuit against the rugby authorities for not doing enough to protect them from the injuries they suffered as a result of repeated trauma to their heads during their careers.
Clark says he considered taking his own lifer after being forced to quit the sport suddenly in November 2014, and believes the brain damage he suffered contributed.
"It ended up causing problems at home because I was drinking too much," he said.
"I don't think people understand what some people go through. Mental health it's not a joke, there's no escaping the reality of the damage that's been done and maybe what will continue.
"I knew something wasn't right but I didn't know what it was," Clark added.
"Whether it was mood swings, temper tantrums - I've got a couple of instances in certain games where I've lost patches of games.
"I couldn't say I've lost weeks and months and years, because that just hasn't happened.
"The thing for me was how I was reacting, my mood it just wasn't how I used to be.
"When I was diagnosed it was a few tears, maybe not excitement, but knowing that it might have answered a few questions.
"Then it was a case of now how have I got to deal with this and try and get on with your life."
Both World Rugby and the Rugby Football Union (RFU) say they are committed to protecting players who play the game now, with the global governing body saying earlier this month they were giving "access to brain health consultation and brain health education" former players.
Meanwhile, the RFU said it had "played an instrumental role in establishing concussion and injury surveillance, concussion assessment, and supporting law changes to ensure proactive management of player welfare".
It added: "We and the Rugby Players' Association have made contact with all former players to share the work we have and our doing to help players, including the launch last year of an advanced brain health clinic for retired players."
If you, or someone you know, have been affected by any issues raised in this article, support and information is available at BBC Action Line.