'Like migrating bison' - Schoeman on unique prop mentality

Pierre Schoeman has represented Scotland on 42 occasions

New South Wales Waratahs v British and Irish Lions

Venue: Allianz Stadium, Sydney Date: Saturday, 5 July Kick-off: 11:00 BST

Coverage: Live text commentary on the BBC Sport website and app

Pierre Schoeman tells a story from his youth in South Africa, a natural-born raconteur in adulthood speaking of the adventurous spirit of his 13-year-old self.

He had an interest in great white sharks as a kid, so he went cage diving to get a better look.

"I climbed down the ladder of the boat and I saw this shark going past and he was looking at me and I had to be strong not to wet myself," he said.

"You could see that one bad step on the ladder and I was in trouble. I would have had a big chunk taken out of my love handles – maybe I could have been a centre if that had happened."

There was a flicker of a smile when he said it - you can imagine he's wound up many a centre with that story - but mostly Schoeman's humour is deadpan, which makes it all the funnier.

On this trek around Australia he's been giving it large about Vikings and gladiators and the fellowship of loosehead props. You just don't know what's coming next with the big man, in from the start against the Waratahs on Saturday.

One time, he talked about his great friend and mentor, WP Nel, then a team-mate with Edinburgh and Scotland. The Nels had recently added another baby to their already mighty clan.

"Tell your wife never to walk past WP's house," Schoeman smiled. "If the wind changes direction she might end up pregnant."

He says that Nel had his revenge when that joke went public. Master made apprentice suffer in the next Edinburgh scrummaging session.

In mentioning Nel's ability to expose weakness in the man opposite him, he compared him to water flowing across stone. "He always finds the cracks."

'Massive sacrifice' rewarded with Lions 'dream'

Schoeman is as likely to speak about God and love as he is about rucks and scrums. He's an open book on all counts.

When he was in school, his teacher asked the class to talk about the one thing they hoped for in life. Some said money and fame. Schoeman said: "I hope to meet my future wife."

His pals made fun of him, but he didn't care. In fact, he had already met her. Charissa is her name and she's here in Australia, every step of the way.

When he made the move from South Africa to Scotland, it was just the two of them.

"We packed up two suitcases and left," he said. The residency rule was five years when he committed to Edinburgh, later returning to three. He'd have come over even if it had been 10.

"Me and my wife have known each other since we were eight years old. We sat in the same primary school class next to each other and I knew that's going to be my dream wife one day. We rekindled when we were 17.

"When we left for Edinburgh she had to leave a sister, a mother, her whole family behind. Grandmother, everyone. It's a massive sacrifice, but it's also come with a reward and this is the reward now.

"It's almost like Vikings burning a ship, you know. Me and her packed a Viking ship, left for the shores of Scotland, for the British and Irish Lions, for the dream which became a reality."

Schoeman said that if he ever became a Lion he was going to treat himself to a nice watch, but he ended up buying her one "to say 'thank you for all the time you've invested in me'".

'Looseheads are quite weird people'

There are layers to this guy. Schoeman is one of three Lions looseheads, along with Ellis Genge and Andrew Porter, and he has views on what makes a loosehead prop.

"I think looseheads around the globe are quite weird people," he said, again with a straight face. "Something isn't right. We always say, his screw must be loose, but playing rugby as a loosehead prop."

As beasts, is there a difference between a loosehead and a tighthead?

"We're different, but similar," he replied. "You almost feel like a gladiator movie, all the gladiators come together."

And the role of Lions scrum coach John Fogarty in all of this?

"He has the key for the cage, to unlock the gladiator. Looseheads like going to dark places, physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever. But tightheads can go even darker at some times.

"We actually have just a prop group that none of the other team members is allowed on."

Not even hookers?

"No, not even hookers. It's just props. It's not a front row group, it's a prop group."

Answers on a postcard what a group of Lions props might be called? Motley Scooo? The Scooo Fighters?

Schoeman riffed on Lions history, the legacy of Ian 'Mighty Mouse' McLauchlan, the greatness of Tom Smith - fallen Scottish Lions who added so much to the Test jersey he is now pursuing.

"That's what the jersey demands of us," he said. "That's the legacy of it. I have sat on the same seat as Tom did at Murrayfield. I've been honoured and blessed."

Back in the here and now he's talking about his bond with the 2025 props.

"We are like bison, migrating together," he said. We have a secret meeting every night, Finlay Bealham started it and now all the props have bought in. We stick together and have a tea after every training session and we get to meet each other's families and ask deep questions."

Are the good people of Australia not scared by a herd of human bovine roaming the streets?

"Props have a soft side as well. We're discussing lots of soft things."

Has Porter spoken about the tragedy of losing his mum to cancer at a painfully young age? Has Genge spoken about growing up in the tough terrain of Knowle West in Bristol and how he thinks rugby may have saved him from prison? You suspect so.

"I know a lot of things about Gengey. I know all his business friends, family, everything, I have asked him to phone my family as well," he said.

Rivals, but now friends, even in the heat of battle for Test match places. It's the essence of what makes these tours so great, so unforgettable. The joy of the experience is writ large over Schoeman's bearded face and in his every utterance.

Burning Viking ships? Bison wandering Brisbane and beyond? A love letter to his wife? He may or may not make the Test team - it's all up for grabs - but he's unquestionably one of this tour's great personalities, a character who's made a mark.