Same-sex marriage: Law change gave Saudi man 'life full of sunshine'

Adam and Ray say they are living in "married bliss" after their wedding last December

A man who left Saudi Arabia to marry a man in the UK said he thought his life would be lived "in a tunnel" but it is now full of "sunshine and rainbows".

Adam* said it was dangerous to come out as gay in his home country and feared being forced into an arranged marriage with a woman.

He said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, in Manchester and wishes everyone could marry who they love.

Same-sex marriage was legalised in England and Wales 10 years ago.

Adam met Ray online in 2017 and arranged to visit him in Manchester.

"I bloomed while I was with Ray," Adam told the BBC's Danny Beard on Same Sex Love and Marriage podcast.

"He showed me how to love myself first and made me proud of who I am."

Ray, 59, took Adam to Pride festival in the city, showing a strikingly different life from his at home hiding his sexuality.

There are more than 60 countries with laws that criminalise same-sex sexual acts according to the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association, including Saudi Arabia.

'Authentically myself'

Ray said he had also struggled growing up gay in the 1970s and 80s in England, which was "tough".

He said his religious school "drummed it into you, 'you are going to hell'".

When Adam returned home to Saudi Arabia, despite being more than 3,000 miles apart and later restricted by the Covid-19 pandemic, they kept in touch daily and the romance blossomed.

Three years ago, Ray proposed on a video call and after successfully applying for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchester in December 2022.

The wait for a visa was a stressful time though, as Adam feared he would be arrested if the application fell into the wrong hands in Saudi Arabia.

Adam said he had been afraid to even wear colours in his home country so the first thing he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appointments for tattoos".

He recalled how, in contrast, one of his gay friends in Saudi had been forced to marry a woman, adding: "It has ruined not only his life but the life of his wife."

Danny Beard on Same Sex Love and Marriage

Danny explores same-sex weddings, finding out why couples chose to get married, the challenges underpinning this decision and what makes these wedded relationships work.

Listen now on BBC Sounds.

The couple said they now wanted to help people who were not as free and strive for "equality for everyone".

"Now I'm here in a safe place I want to fight for others to be able to marry who they want," Adam said.

"I'm so lucky but I want everyone else in Saudi to marry the one they love without facing discrimination and persecution."

Peter McGraith and David Cabreza say they are "very proud" to have been the first same-sex couple married in England

More than 40,000 same-sex marriages took place between 2014 and 2020, according to the Office for National Statistics

Peter McGraith and David Cabreza, originally from Scotland and the US, made history when they became the first same-sex couple to marry in England on 29 March 2014.

The trailblazers married just after midnight at Islington Town Hall.

The couple, who live in London, said a "really beautiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black cab window to Trafalgar Square, "My dads just got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage".

"It was so sweet seeing him so happy," Mr Cabreza said.

Mr McGraith and Mr Cabreza say the change in legislation was "really important"

Mr McGraith recalled the registrar being worried about protesters turning up after tens of thousands of people took to the streets in France in opposition to same-sex marriage.

Before the service a guest spotted people outside with placards but they soon realised a "lovely" crowd was there to show support.

Mr Cabreza said the change in legislation was "really important".

"Even for LGBT+ people who are not intending to get married it gives them a sense of legitimacy that they have that right to do so."

Lexie, a wedding planner originally from Paris, and Aisha say their big day was incredible

Lexie and Aisha Shaibu-Lenoir, who live in London, said they felt their matrimony last July was invaluable for young people "to see that representation".

"We don't get the opportunity to see some people who look like us being celebrated in that way. I can't name a time when I saw two queer black women getting married," Aisha said.

She added: "Why wouldn't I marry the love of my life? Life is so short and if you are able to build that stability, a home, a family that is yours.

"I think you should do it if it is possible."

She said growing up as a black lesbian was "not an easy journey", but added: "I think we are lucky. I am in a place where I can get legally married.

"I can hold my wife's hand down the road. I can celebrate queer love... be authentically myself.

"When you have an opportunity to experience love, you should take it."

*Adam's name has been changed to protect his identity

Danny Beard on Same Sex Love and Marriage is available now on BBC Sounds

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