Lucy Letby says she 'only wanted to care for babies'

Lucy Letby wiped away tears as she gave evidence at her trial

A nurse accused of murdering seven babies and attempting to kill 10 others on a neonatal unit has told jurors the charges against her are "sickening".

Lucy Letby wept as she gave evidence at Manchester Crown Court for the first time, saying her job at the Countess of Chester Hospital "was her life".

The court heard the 33-year-old had "always wanted to work with children" and had been traumatised by her arrest.

Ms Letby, originally from Hereford, denies all 22 charges against her.

The prosecution allege Ms Letby was a "constant malevolent presence" at the hospital, murdering five boys and two girls, and attempting to murder another five boys and five girls.

During the first six months of her trial, the prosecution have claimed that, between 2015 and 2016, Ms Letby used various means to target the babies, including injecting them with air and poisoning them with insulin.

In the witness box for the first time, she was questioned by her defence barrister, Ben Myers KC, while family members of the alleged victims watched proceedings from the public gallery.

Lucy Letby has denied murdering and attempting to murder babies at the Countess of Chester Hospital

Ms Letby told the four men and eight women of the jury she had been the first member of her family to go to university and had chosen her qualifications in order to become a nurse.

During the period when the offences were alleged to have taken place, Ms Letby said she had cared for hundreds of babies.

She denied harming any of them and said the allegations against her were "sickening".

"I just couldn't believe it," she told the court. "It was devastating.

"I don't think you could be accused of anything worse than that."

Ms Letby said that after she first became aware of the allegations - in a letter from the Royal College of Nursing in September 2016 - she went to her GP.

"I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating," she said.

"I was started on some antidepressants, which I remain on now."

• Lucy Letby's day in the witness box as it unfolded

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• Murder-accused nurse cries as interviews read out

Ms Letby said that over the last few years there had been "times when I didn't want to live".

She said she "can't put into words" the impact the accusations have had on her.

Concluding the day's evidence, Mr Myers said: "Let me ask you now. Have you ever tried to kill a baby you've cared for?"

Ms Letby: "No."

Mr Myers: "Have you ever tried to harm a baby?"

Ms Letby: "No, never."

Mr Myers: "Have you ever tried to force air down a nasogastric tube?"

Ms Letby: "No."

Mr Myers: "Have you ever overfed a baby?"

Ms Letby: "No, never."

Mr Myers: "Have you ever used insulin with the intention of harming a baby?"

Ms Letby: "No."

Mr Myers: "Have you ever physically assaulted a baby?"

Ms Letby: "No."

Mr Myers: "What have you wanted to do for the babies?"

Ms Letby: "Care for them, do my best for them. Help them."

Earlier, Ms Letby broke down in tears as she recalled the first time she was awoken at 06:00 BST one day in July 2018 and arrested.

She said she was led away in her pyjamas and told she was being charged with murder and attempted murder.

"It was just the most, the scariest thing I've ever been through… it's just traumatising," she said.

The nurse added that she was diagnosed with PTSD following her arrests and receives psychological support.

The nurse's tightly written note was previously shown to the jury

The jury has previously been shown notes which were found at Ms Letby's home during a search by detectives.

The court has heard she thought she had written one of them when she had been removed from duties at the neonatal unit.

Mr Myers asked Ms Letby why she had written "not good enough".

She replied: "I think that's the overwhelming thought and feeling I had about myself at that point."

Asked why she had written she would never have a family, she said: "At that time I couldn't see any future for myself... I didn't have any hope… the whole situation felt hopeless at times."

Various notes were found in a handbag in Ms Letby's bedroom

Quizzed why she had written "I am evil, I did this", Ms Letby said she felt she "somehow had been incompetent and done something wrong, which affected those babies".

"I felt I must be responsible in some way," she added.

The accused said she had been "really struggling" with her mental health when she wrote the note and it was a way for her to express everything she was feeling.

When asked how much she valued being a nurse, she replied: "Massively - it was everything."

She said she would "go on every course possible to be the best that I could".

'Leaned on each other'

Ms Letby told jurors that while the unit was "noticeably busier" between June 2015 and June 2016, and there were "a lot more" babies with "complex needs", staffing levels had not been adjusted accordingly.

She said the death of a baby on the unit affected everyone, adding there was a "noticeable change in atmosphere".

There was no formal support offered, she said, and staff just "leaned on each other".

"You have to carry on and have to be professional for the other babies you're caring for," Ms Letby added.

Ms Letby was also asked about her relationship with other staff members and how she spent her time outside work.

The nurse told jurors she had "quite an active social life" and used to "regularly attend salsa classes, lunch with friends, holidays with friends, and gym".

When asked about her relationship with a doctor on the unit, who cannot be named for legal reasons, she described him as a "trusted friend".

Asked if it had been anything more than a friendship, she replied "no".

Neonatal nurse Lucy Letby worked at the Countess of Chester Hospital

A document, which summarises Ms Letby's Facebook searches between June 2015 and June 2016, was also shown to the court.

In June 2015, Ms Letby made a total of 113 Facebook searches, including for parents and staff.

In August of that year she made 175 searches.

She told the court she was "always on my phone" and would carry out searches "out of general curiosity", adding it was "just normal behaviour for me".

Ms Letby added they would "come into my mind, I would quickly search and then move on to the next thing".

The court heard Ms Letby lived in staff accommodation at Ash House before moving to a flat in Chester for about six months.

She moved back into Ash House in June 2015 before moving to her house in Westbourne Road, Chester, in April 2016.

Images captured following a search of Ms Letby's home have been shown to the jury

Ms Letby started to cry as images of her home, including a photo of a noticeboard in the kitchen which was covered in photos and letters, were shown to the jury.

It featured a poster, drawn by her godson, which said: "No 1 godmother awarded to Lucy Letby".

On her bed, she had Winnie-the-Pooh and Eeyore cuddly toys while a drawer in the living room contained various documents and medical notes for her two cats, named Tigger and Smudge.

The court was also shown a photograph of the upstairs landing of Ms Letby's house. It featured pictures of her young godchildren and cousin, as well as Disney trinkets.

Ms Letby told the jury she would note down most events in her diary, from a washing machine delivery to lunch with friends.

When asked why the names of babies in the case were mentioned, she said "for my own reflection".

Ms Letby's diary was also shown to the court

The court heard 257 nursing handover sheets were found at Ms Letby's house after her arrest, some of which related to children in this case.

She said she had "difficulty throwing things away", adding: "I didn't really know I had that many".

Ms Letby was questioned by detectives for a total of 21 hours after being arrested in 2018, 2019 and 2020.

When asked what she wanted to do for the babies, she replied: "Care of them, do my best for them, help them."

The trial continues.